As this war progresses, I may be more and more brief, and my posts may be more and more sharp. I am beginning to feel depressed. I am beginning to feel cheated on life, and angry at inanimate objects. I got pissed at my refrigerator last night because the door was not wide enough. I am even beginning to question reality.
I am reminded of a Albert Einstein quote, “God is subtle, but he is not malicious.” At this point, I am wondering how false this is. I am wondering how God can stand to put me through this. I am angry not at myself, but why I am alive still, and am being put through this.
I use the word war, only because that is what it is. Psychological warefare at it’s worst. I am torn between 2 people I love. And my father is turning into mind-game playing terrorist to me.
I may have to fight back. not now, not here, but sometime after I get my driver’s license.
If youa re still reading this, I cannot imagine why you would want to. Thank you, but I don’t know why you would want to be this depressed. Thanks again for caring.
(P.S., the baseball bat that I used to take out my anger snapped 2 weeks ago… Shit)
Not all of us are good at sending pixel-hugs, but all of us do care. Is there any way you can get a neutral third-party to arbitrate or mediate your “war”? Also, physical distance helps. Go for a walk, go to the library, get a different job, whatever. If you don’t have a driver’s license yet, find a ride with somebody.
Also, don’t overlook your local church/synagogue/temple, whatever. Organized Religion, even if it may not have theological answers that satisfy you, can still frequently help with the nuts and bolts of every day life, such as providing a ride to the library. Or providing a disinterested third party to mediate.
Homer went through this same sort of thing last summer. Send him an e-mail. See if he has any advice.
Sweetie, demand that your family get into therapy, its not your place or job to be territory to fight over.
DDG has some good ideas, let me add a few of my own. Take a class where you can release tension, martial arts would be obvious.
Be very direct with your parents that they are to leave you out of this for your own good.
Be very honest with both of them about how you are feeling. At this point, it may stress them out some, but they need to know that what they are doing is hurting you. They need to know so that they can force themselves to stop. If they don’t stop, well, thats another issue.
Another place that might be able to help is United Way - I believe they have a subdivision called First Call, which can direct you to the best organization for whatever problems you have.
Whatever you do, get help. And realize that we’re here for you when you need us.
Thank god I finally after 30 views got some replies.
I would take Martial arts, and have thought about it, but I would probably release too much tension and kick someone’s ass in a sparring match. I think what I really need is an anger-management class.
I told my mom last night that she was REALLY pissing my off.
and I’ve been taking my agression out by lifting weights and pushups.
thank you all for your support, and look forward to more posts.
( all in all, this is what happened/will be happening.
well, my parents are now filing for divorce, we are selling everything, house, car everything, we are moving, my mother must get a new job (schools are only open in winter) and I have no clue right now on my future or anything.)
I want to say thanks beyond words to every single one that has been there for me in these rough times. you, and the perfect of God’s creations. and those of you too rushed to reply, well, you’re not too bad yourselves.
anyway, thank you all, and Godspeed.
may peace that passes beyond all human understanding guard each and every one of your’s hearts.
Oh, dear. Like I just told you in chat, I’m here for you, anytime I can be. Please feel free to lean on me, yell in my ear, whatever you need, hon. DDG, Medea’s Child and Zyada all have good advice for you. I’d buy you another bat too, if I could right now. Perhaps soon I can send you one, as long as you promise not to use it on yourself or someone else.
Ad Noctum, I feel for you. I was 20 when my parents split and it sucked. It was obvious for the longest time that they weren’t happy and I am very sensitive to that kind of atmosphere. While they would never fight in front of us, they would say little snipe-y things to me about each other. I wish I’d had the guts to tell them how much they were upsetting me. Finally, my mom sat me down to tell me they were splitting and my reaction was “well, finally.” My mom freaked. She said “why didn’t you say something”. I said “what the heck was I supposed to say? Something like why don’t you two go ahead and get divorced?” I had actually said that to my best friend just a month or two before “the talk” and I wish I’d said something to my parents. I might have spared me some pain and misery if I had. I hope you can bring yourself to sit down with both of them and tell them how much they are hurting you by using you as a weapon in their war with each other. I really wish I had. Hugs to you, friend. I know you’ll make it through this.
