DMark, as much as I find it unfortunate that the woman in your story was unable to communicate what was really going on with her to the people she was dating, that story warmed my heart about what kind of person you were for stepping up and helping her get what she wanted so badly. Well done!
“So, what are we doing for Valentine’s Day this year?”
That’s all I said to my bf, and it allowed us both to express our opinions about our expectations to each other without having to feel like I was asking him to do anything in particular.
No need to waste time hinting around and getting disappointed when it doesn’t work out like you hoped.
I agree, that was very sweet of you. It’s nice that you were able to finally break the self-destructive cycle she had gotten herself into.
I am also single and sadly have no chocolates or cards to console me on Valentine’s Day (which is happening right now in Japan…) I did go on a date Wednesday and he gave me some chocolates then, which was very sweet! But he hasn’t called me back so I’ve been spending this special day with that sinking feeling you get when you know you’ve gotten the brush off. 
On the plus (?) side I did spend part of Valentine’s Day (e.g. the very early morning portion) at my friend’s favorite bar with a kinda cute and very drunk Japanese guy passed out in my lap, so that was fun. Kinda. But I sensibly spent most of this Valentine’s Day asleep.
I tried to wrap that one up along with VDay altogether, but it got a little complicated this year. I meant to take him out to a really GOOD steakhouse, but his stomach wasn’t up for it when the time came. As we celebrated early, so we could take the boys tomorrow so his ex could have HER Valentine’s Day date, it’s just one long weekend of reminding each other that we’re together by choice. And some physical reminders of same, as well. 
Sometimes a relationship gets so comfortable you ‘forget’ to be special for each other. The holidays are nice reminders, when real life gets in the way at other times.
I was kind of bummed last year because of being single on V-day. This year, it doesn’t bother me, at least not as much. I wish there was someone to give me a card and take me out to dinner or something, but I’m not going to have a crying fit about it. I will probably end up watching my niece, and maybe even her baby brother, if my sister and BIL decide to go out tonight. It will probably be movie night, with popcorn and everything. If I get to go to Michael’s in the afternoon and get the supplies I need, we might even make some homemade glycerin soaps in heart-shaped molds. Also, there is the annual Romantic Redecorating of the Grandparents’ Room ceremony, which involves candles, flowers, and plastic heart-shaped junk on every available surface, and playing whatever cheesy old-fashioned romantic CD the girls find. If there is a cheap bottle of wine to put on ice, so much the better. My parents love it. 
Regarding the importance of Valentine’s day to men - I watch a lot of anime, and have noticed that invariably, it’s the girls who are shown giving the boys chocolate on V-Day. Turns out it’s more commonly done in Japan for women to give men Valentine’s Day chocolates, preferably homemade. I read somewhere that the chocolates given to male co-workers, bosses or classmates is known as “choco-giri,” meaning “obligation chocolate,” much as an American child might give all their classmates valentines. The men are expected to reciprocate on March 14, which is known as White Day; men buy white chocolate, marshmallows, or other white candy or gifts for the women who gave them chocolate a month earlier.
Hoping the OP will post today so we get to hear about her day! Hope all went well…
That whole Languages of Love thing really helps.
My fiancee isn’t too big on Valentine’s Day, except she at least wants a card. I, for one, think that’s absolutely retarded and a waste of money/time. If I didn’t get her one she’d get sad. In my mind it is like this: Why are you said I didn’t get you a card? Last week I took your car to the mechanics and got it fixed when I didn’t have to. I also bought your school books for you. I hate the college bookstore.
But no, she wants a card to show her how much I love her. So she’s getting a card.
And she might be looking at it as “why would he rather have me get upset and turn this into a thing than spend 5 minutes running into a drug store to get me a stupid card?” 
Glad you came to your senses on that one.
I’ve learned quickly that, “that’s stupid” is not a valid argument.
My sweetie (husband of 21 years, together for 26) simply is not traditionally romantic at all. So if I want flowers, etc, I have to just out and tell him. What makes that OK is that he’s very thoughtful all the time, in small ways. For instance, if he stops at the supermarket to buy himself his favorite flavor of soda (diet vanilla Coke/Pepsi, almost impossible to get here in my corner of WV) and notices that they have diet iced tea on sale, too, he’ll pick me up a few 12-packs. Just stuff like that.
Unfortunately, his work schedule right now is such that he’s out of town, and only home every other weekend. This is not his weekend to be home. So about four days ago, I called him and said “Tomorrow, you’re going to the local florist and you’re going to buy me a nice bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day”. He knew, of course, that what I meant was, I’m going to go to the local florist and buy a bouquet and use your debit card to pay for them. He said OK, fine. After I got the flowers (a lovely mixed bouquet of roses, tulips, lilies, carnations, daisies, and heather and fern as fillers), I called him up to compliment him on his exquisite taste!
He did pleasantly surprise me this morning by calling to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day before I got the chance to call him!
My husband shows me in little ways all year. If I’m having a particularly long or rough day at work, he’ll have dinner waiting for me. If I need him to pick something up at the store on his way home, he’ll do it without grousing.
He shows me in numerous other ways too. Picking up a little around the house, doing some laundry; just little things, but they count.
We don’t typically make this a “special” day, because every day is precious to us.
New & Improved Boyfriend thinks Valentine’s Day is a bunch of crap. He said the spirit of the day should be an everyday thing, and like others, thinks it’s better to show love in other ways year-round than to spend one day buying cheesy red-heart-printed junk. I agree with this, and happily, he does put his money where is mouth is and shows his love in other ways.
Thing is, my last couple Valentine’s Days were lame. Last year, my chronically-broke ex insisted we should do something, so February 14th found us catching the bus to a fancy-ish restaurant and having an expensive steak dinner. I paid for everything, including the bus fare. I wish he’d run out and brought me a $4 burrito from the taco stand down the street instead, or used my pink highlighter to scribble a heart on the junk mail.
Now that I’ve got New and Improved Boyfriend in my life, I’d like to do something special. I don’t want flowers, jewelry, candy, or a card, but I do want something out of the ordinary, and have one Valentine’s Day worth remembering.
We have a date tonight at an Italian place nearby (it’s a I-haven’t-been-able-to-see-you-much-lately date) and I have some custom M&Ms for him, so it looks like tonight will be the night. 
Why would you think it was? That’s…well, stupid. I mean, there’s plenty of stuff that matters to you that she thinks is really stupid and nonsensical and basically silly–would you want her to tell you she shouldn’t take your feelings on those matters into account because your feelings are stupid? No? Then why would you think she’d like it any better?
That’s probably the number one thing I never have and probably never will understand about they way guys tend to think.
This whole thing about guys thinking Valentine’s Day-type stuff is “stupid” reminds me of a Spanish song called “Rosas,” about a girl who never got over her first love. My translation of the first part of the chorus:
That’s why I waited with my little face soaking wet [with tears]
For you to arrive with roses
(With a thousand roses for me)
Because you know I like those things
And it doesn’t matter that it’s really dumb
That’s how I am
Some of us still like that whole “hearts-and-flowers” type stuff on Valentine’s Day even if it sounds corny and old-fashioned the rest of the year. Not sure how much is socialization and how much is a genuine wish for special attention from one’s beloved, but there it is.
I’d love for her to tell me if there is something I think is nonsensical or silly.
Ick. My parents’ wedding anniversary is Feb 14th, so it kinda icks me out to celebrate anything romantic that day. Plus, I find it a greeting card holiday. I have, however, often been blessed with an SO since high school, so perhaps the day is lost on me. It never ceases to cause hurt and resentment with my friends. I rarely hear about someone having a surprise or unusual Valentine’s Day, just a bad one.
Now, I hate the commercialized crap end of this holiday, telling men that they don’t really love their girlfriend if they don’t go into debt buying dinner and jewelry for their girlfriend or wife. So this year, we had a specifically no-money-spent Valentine’s day- a salmon dinner (which I got by trading a favor to an Alaskan friend), a nice bottle of wine (which was a Christmas gift), a free amateur theatre show (which I suppose doesn’t count, because it was a Haiti benefit and I gave the usher with the hat two dollars), and a nice time exploring the dark, rickety rafters in the place where I work (which she still insists was romantic, sawdust and all). I’m fine picking this day to make a point of love, it’s the commercial crap I hate.
My wife told me specifically that she didn’t want me doing anything for Valentine’s day. A few day’s later, I asked again if she was serious, and she confirmed that she didn’t want us spending money on a “Hallmark Holiday”. I took her at her word, and don’t seem to be in the doghouse…
In the end I got him some nice chocolate and soap and left it on his pillow. He absolutely loved those (!) and told me he had been planning to get me something but hadn’t been able to do so due to time-constraints. There actually are some mitigating circumstances, but having said that, with a little advance planning there shouldn’t have been any problem. However, he did surprise me with a lovely gift the day after. I am happy and content, though in way I would have been equally happy with a surprise card on the day as with the (quite fancy) gift the day after.