I guess it’s close enough to Black Monday to pit it. After all, there are hearts and flowers in every store I go to.
I’m not exactly the most successful person in the world when it comes to relationships. I lost my virginity later than most, and that was only because a friend set me up with his horny sister. I’ve only had three girlfriends, and one ‘fuck buddy’. I loved the first girlfriend, but she liked variety. Got dumped. I was with my next girlfriend for eight years. Would’ve married her, if she would have had sex with me. I mean, we were perfect together. Like a sap, I thought she was bi and would see my charms eventually. No. She was gay. I was dumped for another woman. (Or maybe I dumped her when I got tired of her sleeping with others. I called her last. When she didn’t call, I wrote her off. Whatever.) Then there was my ‘fuck buddy’. Met her at a party in New Orleans. We had fun together, but nothing romantic. Then seven years of nothing.
Then I became engaged to a woman I care very much about. My long dry spell ended Christmas Eve and into Christmas. Not only that, but I was going to be married! Joy! But she got scared. She wants to keep what she has, rather than to take a chance on marrying me. Dumped again.
Do you know how difficult it is when you see couples together? When Valentine’s Day comes around, and every other commercial and every store display reminds you that you’re the odd man out? Especially now, being so recently un-engaged?
Okay, so I’m overweight and unemployed. That can change. I’m not bad looking. Anyway, small children don’t cower in fear behind their mothers’ skirts as we approach on the street. At least, not usually. I’m fairly intelligent, and can converse on a variety of subjects. I even have a touch of the artistic in me. And I have cool hobbies. I’m not that poor a catch.
But I’m alone. Based on my track record, I’ll always be alone. And every year, and every year following, I’m made to endure watching happy couple on those bloody Valentine’s Day adverts and those bloody, cutesy ‘ain’t love grand’ store displays with their red hearts and stupid cherubs and pink flowers.
Johnny, I’ve been without a computer for a fortnight, and was forced offline just after your recent troubles started - just in case you thought I’d got bored and wandered off; you have been in my thoughts.
Now then, Valentine’s Day sucks. I’ve had happily attached Valentine’s Days and I’ve had lonely ones, and they all suck. In fact the lonely ones may be marginally better because you don’t have to go to overpriced, overbooked restaurants, or by flowers from price-gouging florists, or any of the other shit.
You, my friend, have the luxury of guilt-free beer and pizza. How good is that?
JLA:But I’m alone. Based on my track record, I’ll always be alone.
Not likely, dude. Based on your track record, you’ll take a while to find a new person and then you’ll be very happy with her. And one of those times, it will probably work out to happily ever after.
In the meantime, yeah, V-Day can be a strain. It’s the relentless commercialism that does it, I think, kind of like bridal magazines. Every business that wants to flog tchotchkes to couples is yelling at the top of its lungs, “You’re HAPPY, yes so HAPPY, [so you need to buy our stuff] you’re in LOVE, isn’t it WONDERFUL, [why not buy two while you’re at it?] you are growing SLEEPY, [when you wake you will buy all our stuff]…”
It’s a pain to put up with when you’re recently single, all right, but imagine how much worse the people feel who are in unhappy relationships and have to listen to the whole luvvy-wuvvy-duvvy barrage anyway. Fight the power and do something nice and loving for Valentine’s Day that doesn’t kowtow to this consumerist couple-worshipping frenzy. (How about sending your mom or grandmom a valentine? Maybe one that you made yourself? 99% of moms love that, even if they pretend to be the hardboiled “oh come off it, we’re all grownups now” type.)
Valentine’s Day, Bah! The epitome of a Hallmark holiday. Fucking bastard couples. They aren’t happy with the fact that they have someone year round, no, they have to pick one day out of the year to specifically rub it in the singles’ face. May they all rot in hell.
Eh, Valentine’s Day, like any other holiday (or indeed any other day at all) is precisely what you make of it. If it’s the end of the world as you know it, confirmation that you are inherently unlovable and worthless, then it sucks ass. If it’s a day when you get takeout with your friends, watch horror movies, and have a fabulous time, it’s a lot of fun. (Dr.J haven’t actually had a Valentine’s date in 7 years due to work and school schedules, so I’ve spent plenty of them left to my own devices. It ain’t the end of the world.)
I pay less attention to Valentines Day than I do to National Budgerigar Day or Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Just because Hallmark sells a card for it doesn’t mean you have to celebrate it.
Section 1: What you want to hear in a Pit Thread about Valentine’s Day
I seen pictures, JLA, and you’re not a bad-looking guy at all. (Usual disclaimers about target audience and getting hit on by homos apply, blah, blah etc.) That “I’ll always be alone” stuff is bullshit. You’re alone right now; that’s it. Past performance is no guarantee of future results, etc.
So it doesn’t have to act as a reminder that you’re alone right now, but as a reminder of the February 14th’s that have passed when you were with someone, and the ones still to come when you’ll have someone again (if that’s what you want). Only thing special about Feb 14th to the single people is that you can’t go out to a restaurant by yourself that night (because that just really rubs your nose in it). For 33 years, the day’s passed by for me completely without incident. No reason to get all upset about it.
Section 2: Exactly what you don’t want to hear in a Pit Thread about Valentine’s Day
This is the first time in my life I’ve actually looked forward to Valentine’s Day, so I’m all over that shit. Made-up holiday or not, the sentiment’s genuine. It’s a nice occasion to make a special effort to show someone they’re important to you.
Hey, Johnny, if it does any good, I had some serious thoughts about knocking you over the head and dragging you off to my lair when I met you at one of the LA Dopefests. And, on the commiseration side, I’ve had one - one - Valentine’s Day when I was actually seeing someone, and it was pretty pitiful.
So, yeah, Valentine’s Day can go away and never be heard from again as far as I’m concerned. Too many disappointed hopes and bitter feelings left over for my taste. So, I will hoist one in your direction on the day in question and salute you, fellow single person. Hang in there.
I remember feeling so alone and depressed on Valentines day for years before I got into a serious relationship. Then, when I was in the relationship, I made a point of not celebrating the holiday. I figured, why get into the habit, ya know? And sure enough, the relationship is ended and I’m facing my first Valentine’s alone. I’m thinking that I’m going to celebrate it like I did for the past three. Watch some arrogant bastard (any will do) play computer games. Or, maybe I’ll go to a pub.
Maybe I’ll change my mind about the holiday when someone wants to celebrate it with me, who knows.
Valentines’ Day is the suckiest of the sucky holidays. You’re right about that. I strongly recommend finding a radio station with a pissed off DJ on the day. It helps.
Aarrrr what be wrong with Talk Like A Pirate Day ye swabs? Ye be keelhauled fer this matey.
If you hate the hearts and flowers, celebrate it Chicago style. Watch movies about Al Capone and the St Valentine’s Day massacre. Watch Untouchables reruns.
I used to read just about every thread remotely touching this subject. Started a few of them, even. And all the good advice, and compliments, and flirting, commiserating, and promises that it’ll all change someday? Not a damn bit of it made me feel better.
So… yeah. Good luck, dude. Try not to think about it too much.
Well, Johnny L. A., if it makes you feel any better, I’ve never had a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. And I’ve only had one girlfriend over my life, and that lasted only three months. I eventually just gave up.
So yeah, it can always be worse.
I like the idea of the Chicago-style V-Day Massacre.
