Depends. How are you planning to cook them? 
I suppose I could say that I’d be offended if someone brought tofu and mushrooms into my home knowing that it’s extremely dangerous for me to eat them, and I could consider it a callous disregard for the fact that a carelessly placed mushroom could make me extremely sick, but I don’t.
It’s not an ethical principle that keeps me from eating these foods, it’s the fact that I like being able to breathe, and I go to great effort to make sure they stay out of my food, wherever I am. Knowing you’d be offended if I brought something with me that I could definitely eat, I’d make sure I wasn’t hungry when I got to your house. I’m sorry to hear that you’d be offended if I brought something with me that I knew I could eat without having to worry about an ambulance ride. Thankfully the vegetarians I know IRL don’t feel that way.
Well, as a friend, I wouldn’t bring something such as that into your home. You see, communication is important especially when it comes to what’s going into someone’s body. For example, I like being able to breathe also and that’s why I avoided shellfish even before I decided to be vegetarian. Even today, I relentlessly quiz people (“This doesn’t have any of those wee shrimp in it, does it? No crabmeat either, right?”) who think that tiny shrimp in fried rice are okay for vegetarians. They may be okay for those pesco-vegetarians, but for me, I’d end up in that ambulance alongside you even if I were a pesco-vegetarian!
I would appreciate your not misrepresenting my position on something though. What I said was that I’d be offended if you’d brought meat into my home. What I actually did say was:
Surely, you realize that nobody subsists on a meat only diet & thus you, no doubt, do have salads and other vegetable dishes which don’t have those things which would put you into an ambulance?
And since I don’t feel the way you misrepresented my feelings, I think that’s fair.
The thread has indeed served its purpose, although I think it may not be the purpose you think it has served.
Consideration is an issue; any highly considerate person, when inviting a guest to eat, will ask “Is there anything you cannot or will not eat?” - The guest will then respond with full details of any specific dietary restrictions (be they based on religion, health or preference), the host IS NOT expected to enquire “When you come to dinner, which items of food do you condsider mandatory?”.
I’m not a vegetarian; If I invite my friends to dinner and serve them cheese soufflé, am I being inconsiderate?
Gee, can you imagine…
Currently it goes like this: “I’m having a dinner party, want to come?”
“Sure, remember I don’t eat meat.”
“Yep, no problem.”
(Call someone else, get everyone’s dietary restrictions, develop menu that allows everyone to leave satisfied. Menu may or may not contain meat - maybe even with the vegetarian you offer a meat based dish in addition to the pasta and tofu dish. Menu may or may not contain dairy. Menu may or may not contain cucumber kimchee)…
qts is suggesting:
“I’m having a dinner party want to come?”
“Sure, can you make a meatless chili with organic kidney beans and fresh tomatos? That’s what I’ll eat”
“Sure, I’m the worlds most considerate host.”
Make second call
“Can you grill me up a chicken breast, no skin. No potatoes or bread, but I’ll take a large salad with oil and vinegar dressing”
Make third call…
“Yep, I’ll take a steak, pototoes, and whole grain bread.”
Dangerosa:
Nah, I don’t see it happening now. There’s nobody who’s participated in this thread who’ll even chance qts showing up!
Dangerosa:
Nah, I don’t see it happening now. There’s nobody who’s participated in this thread who’ll even chance qts showing up!
I avoid salads if at all possible because people like to throw in things like mushrooms, olives, tofu chunks, and soy based bacon bits that I can’t eat. I don’t eat salad at restaurants for that reason. I don’t eat breakfast on a regular basis, but when I do, I eat eggs, typically just scrambled with no toast. I have pepperoni and cheese or some other type of meat and cheese for lunch, and for dinner I eat meat (beef, chicken, pork, fish, shellfish, duck, etc) with some sort of non-starchy vegetable. This works really well for me because while there might be a dangerous mushroom lurking somewhere in a salad, or a salad dressing, that I can’t see, there definitely isn’t one on top of my grilled salmon steak.
So if I were at dinner at your house and I couldn’t bring something, I’d either be sitting around hungry or eat before I got there. I really don’t understand why it’d be so awful if I had my little stir fried steak in a Ziploc container, but that’d make a lot more sense than me hoping you have a cottage cheese based salad or some other heavily dairy, low carbohydrate, no allergen food.
Actually, if you want to get Miss-Manners technical, the host is in no way obligated to inquire as to the guests’ likes and dislikes, or even food allergies, for that matter. The point of a party, even a dinner party, is to socialize. If the host wants to serve weenies and beans, or cereal and milk, that’s entirely his or her prerogative.
It is the GUESTS’ responsibility to (1) mention food ALLERGIES and/or (2) provide for themselves by either eating before the party or bringing something they can eat (with the host’s permission). As far as likes and dislikes are concerned, proper guests officially like everything that is offered, and do not mention any preferences or dislikes. They are of course free to politely decline any foods they do not wish to eat, and to praise any offered foods that they particularly enjoy.
On preview: catsix, this isn’t directed at you or anyone else in particular; it’s just a general comment.
catsix: It’s an issue for me because there’s certain things I don’t permit in my home. For example, all of my friends are aware that I don’t permit tobacco of any sort in my home and thus those who chew don’t bring that stuff when they come over (I’m fairly sure they leave it in their cars). But as a host, I do try to make my guests happy. If you were to tell me, say, that you were allergic to peanuts, I’d make sure that I didn’t have a bowl of peanuts handy. If I were to offer to make something you could ingest, then I would expect you to provide me the necessary information, with you realizing, of course, that it wouldn’t be from a critter.
I can understand not allowing smoking in your house, but I cannot understand why it would be so awful to have a guest bring something to a social function that they’re sure they can eat.
Let’s face it, if the meal is prepared meatless and around my dietary restrictions, we’re looking at cottage cheese and lettuce. I’d rather that the vegetarians be able to eat whatever it is they really want to eat that’s interesting to them because they don’t have to worry about me, I have taken care of myself.
Either that or I could sit in my car and eat it so that nobody was exposed to meat fumes.
catsix: I’m now firmly convinced that in addition to qts, you also are merely looking for an argument. I am convinced you don’t really give a rat’s you know what about the rationale other people here are providing. Since I am vegetarian for ethical reasons and now a nondrinker for religious reasons, it shoud be obvious, even to someone who is refusing to pay attention, that to bring stuff that is an affront to my ethical/religious system into my home is a direct insult. Additionally, I seriously doubt the only food upon which you subsist is cottage cheese and lettuce. If you were really interested in the answers to questions on this subject, you would not be telling lies here.
Do you understand what I just sais above or do you need a very simple explanation in the appropriate forum?
Amend
in my posting above to read:
Whilst you’re about that, go ahead and correct “sais” to read “said.”
I don’t subsist on cottage cheese and lettuce. I eat meat, lots of it, at least twice a day.
I have specifically stated the types of food that I do subsist on in this thread, and did you notice that they’re highly animal based?
Eggs, fish, beef, pork, chicken, duck, goose, shellfish, cheese, ostrich, bison, venison, etc. Ruling out meat makes a huge dent in the things I can eat, and it would bother the hell out of me if one of my friends invited me over for dinner and then specifically told me not to bring anything to eat because my medically necessary diet offends their sense of ethics. It is flat out safer for my health if I know exactly what is in the food I’m going to be eating, and rather than discussing it ahead of time only to find out that someone put soy sauce on something and therefore I can’t eat it so I’m going to go hungry, I’d rather just have something I’m absolutely sure I can eat.
It really sucks to be sitting there at dinner seeing a bunch of food that looks delicious and knowing you can’t have any of it because there’s a mushroom in that, or olives in this, or soy in another or tofu in something else, and a lot of people don’t realize how much stuff soy is in. Soy milk, soy yogurt, soy butter, soy ‘meat’. I’m grateful that my vegetarian friends don’t consider it an ethical failing of theirs if I eat a venison burger instead of a soy-and-mushroom filled veggie burger at their barbecue. Cook it in a little disposable pie plate so it doesn’t touch their meatless grill, no problem. At least I can eat with everybody.
I call bullshit on your last posting, catsix. For one thing, I never said what you just pretended I said. Well, the one thing in your posting above that’s not bullshit is that you finally admitted that you’d just be bothered by the situation you’re creating by refusing to understand what’s said to you.
Oh, and don’t worry. I’d only invite a friend over. You’re certainly in no danger.
I now await to see how obtuse your next posting shall be.
It’s hard for me to imagine a similar situation – but what if I had a friend who, for example, found it medically necessary to eat whale meat?
I’d talk with them about it a little bit. If it seemed clear that they really felt a need to consume whale meat at every meal, I’d drop the subject, and I wouldn’t invite them over for dinner. I feel strongly enough on the subject that I’m unwilling to have whale meat consumecd in my house.
If I needed to consume (for example) fish at every meal, and a vegan friend didn’t invite me over for dinner becaues of it, I wouldn’t be in the least bit offended. As long as they’re not preventing me from eating what I need to eat in my own home, they’re staying entirely within their rights.
But lemme ask you something, b]catsix**: can you eat a nice spinach and cheese quiche? Sure, the crust is carbohydrates, but you can eat the goodness outo f the quiche and leave the crust – or you can consider it a side dish.
If you came to my house for dinner, I’d definitely try to find a dish I could make that fit both your dietary restrictions and my ethical restrictions. My guess is that, if you and Monty can kiss and make up, he’d be willing to do the same.
The important point is this: one should never ask either a guest or a host to violate their ethical/religious principles in order to be polite. If you have restrictions on what you eat or drink, you should be willing to accept a less-than-optimal meal in order to be polite, as long as the meal accommodates your restrictions.
Daniel
Only if it didn’t have the spinach. Spinach causes hives.
Tomato quiche?
(Strange story: I used to date a woman named Kat, who had “allergies” similar to yours. But then she went to a six-week seminar on Overcoming Allergies, and they magically disappeared. I have no idea if this story is relevant, but I thought I’d share)
Daniel
catsix and Monty should look to Scarlett’s ettiquette posts to make up their differences.
catsix should (and I’m guessing since her diet is very limited, already does) eat before going to any parties - dinner parties, cocktails and munchies, video parties where they are going to order pizza and pop popcorn. She can’t be assured at any dinner party that the steak won’t be marinated in mushrooms and the salad a spinich salad. Unless its really close friends or family that knows her and can cater to her diet. (I’m sure her mom can cook for her, but with a diet that extreme, its hard to expect an aquaintence or even a friend unless its a close friend to cook).
Monty, if he would invite catsix to dinner, would make an effort to provide a bowl of cottage cheese and a vegetable she can eat, so she doesn’t sit there with an empty plate, embarrassing both of them in front of the other guests.
Neither would mention at dinner catsix’s food requirements, and if it was brought up by another guest, catsix would explain however she felt comfortable. (which could be anything from “why do you ask” the polite way to say none of your business, to a white lie about a diet, or a full explaination of her diet needs).
Both would remember that even though its called a “dinner” party, people go to enjoy the company of others.
My family’s good about making me food that I can eat. Restaurants are tricky, and most of my friends are aware that when we watch movies, I bring some microwave popcorn or order a small pizza with six-safe toppings to go along with the rest.
It’s not much of an issue mostly, because I’ve never been to a dinner party or a barbecue where someone had a serious problem with me bringing along some food.