Vegetarians and meat dishes

Great Debates
101

Hooray to Scarlett for invoking Miss Manners. Of course, she phrased it much more politely than I would have, which is thusly:

“Listen, you toolbox, if you accepted an invitation to eat dinner in my home, and you did not have the courtesy to let me know what you cannot or will not eat, or even to bother checking on what I would be serving, then it is your own damn fault that you are sitting there starving while everyone is having a good old time. Now shut up and breathe your sterilized air and drink your distilled water before I shove this lovely Oneida silver pie server laden with hot caramel bread pudding the wrong way up your ass, jackhole.”

I have a friend who pulls this shit all the bloody time and it drives me effing nuts. I checked several major etiquette resources AND I asked my grandmother (who knows just about everything about just about everything), and I found that the host or hostess has fulfilled her responsibility to his or her guests simply by extending the invitation. The responsibility for making sure that a guest has something appropriate to eat falls on THE GUEST.

And qts: FYI, it is NOT considered impolite to offer to bring something that you can eat if you are invited to a dinner party and you are not sure that there will be something served that meets your dietary requirements. BUT, you are supposed to OFFER - because it IS impolite to bring something into your host’s house that they would not serve (i.e., bringing a roast suckling pig into a vegan’s house). But it is NOT the responsibility of your hostess to make special meals / dishes for everyone at the table.

So … if you have special dietary restrictions, ask what will be served. If you can’t eat what will be served, offer to bring something else. If that is not acceptable to the hostess, then politely decline the invitiation. Sheesh. Manners are not really rocket science.

Oh, and not that you asked, but my “special” friend does not get invited for dinner any more, either. According to Nana there is a special place in Hell reserved for rude dinner guests, right next to the hussies who wear white shoes after Labor Day.

102

When I invite people to my house for dinner, I would like to serve something that everyone can eat. Part of the idea is sharing food, not individual servings for everyone - not because of the bother, but because we are supposed to be sharing something more than just eating next to each other. That would be too much like a dinner party where no one talked to each other.

I have learned to ask “Is there anything you can’t eat?” when inviting someone over for the first time. They are free to interpret “can’t” any way they like. If they say, “I can’t eat meat”, I know enough to ask if that includes dairy, eggs, or fish. I would hope the prospective guest would know enough to tell me that they can’t eat peanuts, mushrooms, spinach, soy, etc., and give me a chance to write it all down. I would also hope that they would tell me if they were morally offended by being in the presence of charred animal flesh, so that there are no unpleasant scenes. Having both Jack and Mrs. Sprat over to dinner is always a challenge, but it can be surmounted.

I started a thread before I had a colleague over to dinner. He is semi-Orthodox Jewish, and I am not. He told me, several times, not to worry about what to serve, as he kept kosher at home but did not worry about it when he went out.

I tried to keep as close to what I understand of kosher as I could. I did not serve pork or shellfish, I cleaned the grill by burning and scrubbing, and took his word for the rest. I did not have my entire kitchen kosher-ized.

It worked out fine. He ate everything (he had seconds on the marinated salmon), and was politely enthusiastic about everything, and we all had a good time.

But we all trying to get along. Nobody tried to talk anybody else into anything, and nobody was trying to take offense. (My daughter was fascinated by his yarmulkeh, but was too polite to say anything, and he explained it to her.)

The duty of the host is to be a gracious host. The duty of the guest is to be a gracious guest.

Regards,
Shodan

103

Bingo.

Daniel

104

If you invite a Korean person who occasionaly eats dog, is it your duty to serve them dogmeat? Of course not, expressing a preference NOT to eat something is different from expressing a preference TO eating something.

105

Can I chime in as a meat eater? I have no problems honoring someone else’s beliefs in their own home. AFAIK, being a vegetarian is somewhat more than just a diet decision, it’s also a belief system.

I would certainly honor that person’s beliefs in their own home. If, for some reason, I was not able to eat anything vegetarian, I would eat before the party (like Scarlett O’Hara) and go to the party anyway.

106

Ooooh! Zombie thread! Zombie thread! :wink:

This thread was linked to from a current Pit thread about catsix’s attitude about vegetarians, and I must say, that the person who linked to this thread proved his or her point masterfully. I see that Monty had to deal with the same attitudes from catsix last year.

107

The slappy smilie is too good for me, where the heck is the shamefaced smilie?

I swear, on a stack of exercise books, I swear on Joe Weider himself, as God as my witness, the thread date was current.

:smack:

108

I agree that it’s not inconsiderate but not for the same reasons. It is true that most of us omnivores can eat a meal without meat and I actually do it on purpose from time to time. On the other hand when we attend a social event involving food most of us also expect a meat dish of some kind. I was surprised and ultimately disappointed when a host turned out to serve only vegetarian fare when he invited me to dinner. The important thing was that I was invited to break bread and I appreciated the effort. It never entered my mind that he should have prepared a meat dish for me.

Correct. Individuals are resonsible for their own personal choices as well as their needs. When I throw a soiree I ask if anybody has any dietary restrictions. As long as it wouldn’t be a pain in the ass I try to accomodate them as best I can. For example if I’m serving burgers I could pick up veggie burgers or grill some veggies for them. I consider a pain in the ass for a vegetarian to cook a meal with meat so wouldn’t expect them to do it.
Marc

109

I couldn’t agree more. When I was about 19 I was seperated from my family around Christmas for the first time in my life. I didn’t really know what I’d be doing but I was thrilled when someone invited me to their house for dinner on Christmas day. Happy, happy, joy, joy! Instead of eating turkey loaf cooked in my apartment I’ll get real turkey or maybe some ham!

I arrive all excited and what delictable Christmas dish do I find waiting for me? Meatloaf. One of the most vile things you can do to any ground meat is to turn it into a loaf. I was polite. I smiled. I ate the whole damn slice they placed on my plate.

It wasn’t a complete bust though. It turned out they ate x-mas dinner the night before so I tore into their leftover ham and turkey later that evening. The point is you should be gracious to people who invite you into their home. If you absolutely can’t eat something they serve you should apologize for putting them in such an awkward position.

Marc