I may have mentioned a time or 20 that a beloved aunt of mine passed away early this year. She died intestate with promises from her tearfull, heartbroken sisters that they would take care of everything for her. . . the two-faced, lying thieving bitches. This is a note for all of her surviving siblings.
To my crazy-assed Uncle from Hell:
Why, why did you come to NY? You don’t want to take your medication? Fine, don’t fucking take it. You want to keep pouring King Cobra Malt liquor down your schizophrenic throat? By all means do that! But don’t expect me, your other niece or your nephew to come running to your aid when you accost the other tenants in the Upper West Side condo that was your sisters and threaten them, punch holes in the walls of the condo that we are going to have to fix and physically assault the security guard in the hallway. The guards have been instructed to call the police and arrest you should you decide you’d like to kick the motherfucking door in again. We’ll send you your money-- hopefully by shuttlecraft.
To two-faced, lying bitch number one:
The one who convinced her dying sister to TOD her checking account to you. The one who was too distraught to handle the funeral arraingments and had her daughter do it. The one who then accused her daughter of stealing money, froze the account to make sure none of the bills could be paid from it-- you have the audacity to send me, your daughter and your nephew a letter demanding an explenation for the missing 7000$ from “your” account.
We buried your sister with it, you fucking bitch! You were supposed to pay the bills from this account you crackhead. I hope your new car goes off the Brooklyn Bridge with your conniving, thieving ass in it.
To two-faced, lying bitch number two:
The one who showed up at her sisters funeral with a lawyer. The one who sent her dying sister a nasty letter telling her she could shove her money up her ass (what, you think she didn’t keep that puppy?) The one who insisted she didn’t get any money when we called for some help with the mortgage on the condo. Yes you, you stupid bitch. We are handling the estate, we know how much money you got from your sister’s pension plan, who do you think did the fucking paperwork? You have the nerve to call and bitch about being left in the dark. Well, you’re not in the dark. The situation has not changed since January. THE THREE OF US ARE STRUGGLING TO KEEP UP WITH THE MORTGAGE AND REPAIRS ON THE CONDO. SEND MONEY YOU TWO-FACED, LYING BITCH!
To the both of you:
Both of you were spotted rummaging through you sister’s belongings at the funeral. We know one of you took her wallet. There was no need to steal 1000$ from Amex. The two of you got over 30 thousand dollars apiece so far. I’m going to find out which one of you did this and I’m turning you in.
Bitches.
My mother had to deal with something very similar when her beloved grandmother died, so while I can’t sympathise directly I remember watching my mom go through it. It really sucks.