Now for the business news:
::as half of the audience changes stations::
** On the domestic side:
screech-owl has picked up her paycheck, a very tidy5-digit figure…
…that would be much tidier if the damned decimal point was AFTER all the numbers, not in the middle.
** In health/international business news:
screech-owl has damned near had a case of apoplexy when she found out the price of one tire for her Suzuki Esteem wagon (finally having replaced the lemon version she previously owned, may it rust in peace).
** In agricultural news:
screech-owl is considering buying a horse and buggy after finding out the price of one tire…
deepbluesea has been bitten by some species of mosquito! The carnage is horrible! Our man on the scene counts at least five separate puncture wounds!
The perpetrator is still at large, and police officials fear an outbreak of vigilante-style justice.
Swelling, itching, and grouchiness are raging out of control. This will have some effect on weather and traffic patterns, so be on the lookout in your daily commute.
As promised we bring the report of Jarbaby’s haircut, performed at Maxine salon on Rush Street in Chicago.
Sources report jarbaby is absolutely thrilled with her haircut, although to style it correctly requires the use of four different products and a round metal brush.
This just in…
hardygrrl woke up an hour ago and has done nothing but putz around online. She did manage to despam her mailbox and respond to emails. Then she surfed Jeff Hardy fan sites for pictures for her webpage in progress and did research about starting a website.
In other news…
So far she has sucessfully resisted the urge to call that certain Doper known only as SP but she keeps looking over at the phone…
A further developement on the email slut story :we have a statement from a spokesman “I refuse to comment on the possible confirmation or denial of an alleged organization except to say that we refuse to deny that we will be confirimg the organizations existance at a future date and sight to be determined as the situation warrents.”
and now,
The baboon looks over a expensive heirloom purchase she just made: a box of 120 crayons. Just because. She thinks she will spend the rest of the day organizing the various colors until it is time to go home.
hardygrrl did successfully resist the urge to pick up the phone.
She did however,spend a good chunk of her time online,ignoring the chores that needed to be done.
Next on Point/Counterpoint
Should she feel bad about this?
[sub] I will throw things at the first person who says “hardygrrl,you ignorant slut.” [/sub]
First off: it’s frickin’ hot here.
Next item: I’ve got a sore throat and it’s a real PAIN.
And to finish off the news “hour”: I have agreed to
dog-sit next week.
As we go to break, may I say that I’m tired and I’m going to bed. I’ll be back eventually, same time, same station.
Back to you, Bob.
Bob? BOB!! I’ve told you over and over and over to quit wearing my nightie…
…and now, we take you to our International Correspondent, Freyr with this late breaking news from Vatican City.
(cut to Freyr outside of St. Peter’s Basilica)
“Yes, indeed, Bob. In an astounding revelation, Pope John Paul II indeed confirmed he is Roman Catholic! That should put several rumors to rest.”
(Bob voice over)Sorry, Freyr, but we have to cut away, there’s another piece of exciting news coming out of Washington state. (cut to Bob in studio). We take you now to imminient biologist, Dr. Freyr in Washington State National Forest.
(cut to image of Freyr hastily putting on white lab coat and black-rimmed glasses)
“…ah, thanks, Bob. After years of reseach, we have indeed confirmed that bears do shit in the woods. This is an astounding bit of news that should but the world of biology on its head! Back to you, Bob.”
“. . .Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back. If you’re just joining us, it’s about damn time you got here. Right now, we’ll throw it over to Biff Hardslab in the field with Super Action Mega Cam One and some breaking news. Biff, what’s the story?”
"Janelle, SDMB News has learned that Zappo had some really good egg foo young for dinner tonight. This triumph, of course, follows on the heels of the delicious homemade strawberry shortcake he had at this afternoon’s farewell luncheon for the interns in his office. We also have confirmed that Zappo is currently enjoying a frosty imported beer as he hacks away at his computer.
It remains to be seen, however, if tomorrow morning’s breakfast will continue the seemingly unstoppable trend of decent meals Zappo has enjoyed lately. Analyists predict that the morning repast may consist of the $2.99 breakfast special at the local coffee shop, while some segments are hard at work trying to determine if Zappo has milk in the fridge. If there is in fact milk in the refrigerator, sources close to Zappo say he might just say the hell with it and have a bowl of cereal while watching cartoons in his underwear. Of course, we’ll bring you developments as they happen.
That’s the latest from the field; now back to you."
The city of Columbia released a press release tonight issuing an official statement concerning the sanity of the alleged suspect in the string of recent crimes, Searching For Truth. The alleged is rumored to be highly volatile and has been determined by a professional board of pyschoanalysts to be insane and in fact, dangerous. The city of Columbia urges you to safeguard your homes in the event that this criminal targets your home and family for inflicting pain and wreaking havoc.
Now, back to you.
(I’m having a bit of a hard night. Can I have a hug??)
:eek: :o 
;j :mad: :rolleyes: 
:wally 