I don’t know that it’s stupid, but that certainly wins the thread for most surreal. 
The best thing about a Jesus piñata is, after you break it open, three days later it’s whole again.
“The best thing about a Jesus piñata is…”
I think you guys have started a whole new genre of jokes.
So good idea or bad idea to ask about a Jesus piñata while on vacation to Mexico?
WHY didn’t I hear about this in time to make one for Easter?
Oh, well, next year… I’m already thinking of rules for the Whack-A-Savior:
After the Stations of the Cross obstacle course, the first guest to reach the sacred stick fends off the others with it by yelling “Get thee behind me, looooser!” . . .
(That’s all I’ve got so far. Feel free to add your own)
Only 39 whacks allowed.
Not sure if you were trying to spell Hilton or Hitler. Seems like either one would have been appropriate in that context.
Overheard at a Christmas party gift-exchange: “I swear, the next person who tries to give me another Goddamn Multi-tool is gonna get it shoved up their ass!”
(naughty language, but darn funny!)
I was once in a hotel stuck behind a party of Swedish tourists and a guy who was demanding an upgrade while waving his Hilton Privilege Card. I don’t know if the receptionist was just messing with his head or what, but she took her time before pointing out that he was in a Holiday Inn.
Reminds me of a joke that ABSOLUTELY needs to be told in person instead of on a message board:
Why was Jesus crucified on a cross instead of stoned to death?
Because it’s a lot easier to go like this (does sign of the cross
than to go like this (joke teller hits himself randomly all over his body)
(btw - before anyone gets too offended, I’m a Good Catholic Boy™. If you can’t make fun of yourself or your religion, what can you make fun of?)
Well, I cut these folks a little slack, because as a Marriott Lifetime Titanium Elite member, they make all sorts of claims as to what the status bestows on one. But in real life when you are making a reservation or standing in front of the desk clerk, all it really gets you is a verbal, “Thank you for being an elite member!” Not much else. I learned this a long time ago.
So, someone expecting something special for their status has been primed for this by the literature they got from the hotel chain. (Setting aside being at the wrong hotel.)
As a Hilton Gold member (a phrase I will never cease to find funny), I got, beyond the usual occasional free night, free breakfast at a lot of places that would otherwise charge. Unfortunately I only got to take advantage of that feature like 3 times before the plague hit. They extended everyone’s benefits a little so hopefully I will be able to again, that is, if buffets come back. I’ll take a free bespoke meal but I’m not a small person, so when I bother to eat breakfast, I want at least 3 plates worth of food.
embers. coals.
Except for millions of Republicans. Here’s a blast from the past, David Schuster’s classic commentary on the Teabagging protests.
“It’s going to be teabagging day for the right wing and they’re going nuts for it. Thousands of them whipped out the festivities this past weekend, and while the parties are officially toothless, the teabaggers are full-throated about their goals”
The rest of the commentary is in the linked article, but the closing line is epic…”if you are planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you’re going to need a Dick Armey”.
Sometimes not having the FCC breathing down everyone’s neck to keep it all “family friendly” (Baptist bluenose-friendly actually) is a wonderful thing.
We can’t make microwave popcorn.
That’s not to prevent fires, it’s to prevent homicides.
Worst (verbal) altercation I ever saw in my research group was when one guy burned microwave popcorn in the microwave outside of another guy’s office.
The reason behind banning microwave popcorn given at Mayo (according to family members who work there) is there are lots of patients who are on a fasting diet (pre-testing probably) and the smell of fresh popcorn is very aggravating if you can’t have any.
Oh, and the fires.
You see, this is why we can’t have anything nice.
There were days in my office when I would have begged for popcorn smell.
The following cartoon wasn’t even the half of it.