Vexed by reaction to flowers

JS, just relax a bit, and apply your better mind, not the monkey-chatter one. Turn off the monkey-chatter. I’m assuming that your dojo is teaching you how to do that. Calm down, use what you’ve been taught. Since the gal in question is apparently learning the same techniques, you have a nice common base of reference.

You gave her flowers; always a beautiful act toward another. She expressed an interest in the Iris farm, so you gave her a gift. If it was too much for her now, just say: “I heard your interest in the Iris Farm, and when I saw those flowers, I wanted to share them with you.” This is the part where you smile bright and honest. If she isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, just smile again, and tell her how much you enjoyed her company at the museum, and would be glad to be in her company again.

If she isn’t interested, so what? Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t attach to it. Since you’re in a dojo, I’m assuming you have a Sensai for guidance. If you are too terrified to open up to another, you need a bit of guidance in order to get past that. Ask those you know, and work on the fear/shyness. Once that block falls, life becomes much easier.

Hope I don’t sound too didactic, but that’s been my experience.

Well, I’m outta luck. I’m 33 and she, admittedly, is a little young–20 years old. She’s close w/ her folks and they’re uncomfortable with the idea of her going out with a guy my age. I can respect that. If I were in their shoes I’d be worried about my kid, too. Well, if I didn’t know it was me, then I’d be worried.

I 'spose I could say that she’s an adult and she can make her own decisions, yadda, yadda, but that doesn’t really seem right. At 20 I tend to think that I should honor her family’s assessment of what is best for her well-being even if I disagree with, and am hurt by, it. I do really like her and, by extension, I’m more concerned for what’s best than for satisfying any prurient motives that most men naturally have.

I’m wondering, should I do and/or say something to make clear that I really was interested in her and not just her…ahem…assets? You know, let her know that she’s still a great person and I’ll be looking forward to being friends at the dojo and kicking her ass on the mat?