Video games that would NEVER see the light of day

[mobo85]

@FriarTed

It’s been said several times here but I’m the first one to coin the title…

Simschwitz: Arbeit mach frei!

There actually was such a game created by a Neo-Nazi called KZ Manager (“KZ” being the abbreviation for the German phrase for “Concentration Camp”).

[Captain_Amazing]

@control-z

Well I guess I’ll have to put up my idea for Interstate Driving Simulator. It’s pretty much like driving on the Interstate. A long randomly generated road with varying amounts of traffic. You can stay with the flow or try to run flat out. Drive as long as you like.

That sounds a little bit like Penn and Teller’s “Desert Bus”, except it didn’t have traffic and you lost if you didn’t drive the speed limit.

[Pithy_Moniker]

Sim Sockdrawer
Terrarium Tycoon
DOA: Xtreme Beach Metal Detecting

[Qazzz]

Retarded BabyRapist: Mission - Conjoined Twins

[Sitnam]

@Spoons

**CFC 2000: **Driving simulator. “CFC” stands for Classic Family Cars, and this games got 'em all–as long as they were pre-2000 models. Take the challenge of trying to get a 1977 Ford Fairmont up to speed on the Interstate, or see if you can handle the “three on the tree” manual transmission on that 1962 Mercury Comet. Sold Separately: the Station Wagon Module, in which you see if you can drive a 1974 Country Squire (among other wagons) through a suburban mall parking lot while four unbelted-in and loud kids hang out in the back of the wagon.

I’d play CFC 2000 before I’d play Big Rigs.

[Annie-Xmas]

@Revenant Threshold

Abortion Clinic - Like Operation! With special baby-skull-crushing-forcep-controller!

Pro–Life Killing–See how many abortionists (doctors) and abortists (patients) you can kill, without hitting innocent people or your own troop.

[Malvert_P.Redd]

@Lumpy

FaggotSlayer. You must recuse your baby brother, who’s been kidnapped by the San Francisco chapter of NAMBLA, and kill half of SF in the process.

Apparently, you are unfamiliar with Asshunter. Shoot those lecherous naked homosexuals before they butt rape you!

[Lumpy]

@Malvert P. Redd

Apparently, you are unfamiliar with Asshunter. Shoot those lecherous naked homosexuals before they butt rape you!

That is SO politically-incorrect! Butt they always get you in the end!

[Hostile_Dialect]

@Lumpy

That is SO politically-incorrect! Butt they always get you in the end!

Not to mention awful controls.

[Ghanima]

@Terrifel

Hump the Wumpus.

This game would be much more fun if it wasn’t just all text…

[Encinitas]

Spontaneous Human Combustion – The Game

Now with multi-player action!

[ddaughtry75]

@Argent Towers

The best thing is, everyone already has this game installed, whether they know it or not. Just turn off your monitor, and that’s it.

and speakers…

[Hypno-Toad]

@fetus

Not to mention awful controls.

What? You just have to work the joystick…

[The_Understander]

@Max the Immortal

How about a game where you’re the one who has to hunt down the runaways? Gotta catch 'em all!

OK, I’m black and LMAO at that. Does that mean I go to double-secret Hell?

[control-z]

Ball Puncher - The Game Includes robotic boxing glove accessory, place between knees facing crotch.

[Strain_of_Thought]

@Argent Towers

SimPlantation: you control an antebellum cotton plantation in the South, complete with slaves. Gameplay elements would include hiring overseers, hunting for runaways, slave auctions, and trying to keep the “boss lady” from discovering your affair with that hot little mulatto number who works in the kitchen.

Although avoiding the race issue, Tropico 2: Pirate’s Cove largely is this- you run a plantation on a carribean island during the age of sail, worked by captured slaves, for the purpose of outfitting pirate ships which you then send out to capture more slaves and loot. Many reviewers have refered to it as “Slave Tycoon”.

[Civil_Guy]

Probably a lot of real life simulators that wouldn’t make it.

SimTax - as an IRS auditor, use real tax rules to audit a variety of tax returns. Hear the same mind-dead excuses by filers over and over again. Work within a mind-numbing bureacracy - do you know the number of days to retirement?

Public Works: Bakersfield.

Spectator Yacht Racing - from your perfect vantage place on shore, try to figure out which vessel is doing what, and why. Afterwards, visit the local yacht club’s bar and hear all about what happened from such a bunch of sober, objective, truthful mates as never existed. Feel the passions that explode when you accidentally refer to any of the “ropes” on a sailboat.

[Cincoflex]

Sitar Hero: Legends of Bangladesh

Chibi-Robo: CSI Cleaning Squad

[Argent_Towers]

Goon - you play as one of the anonymous, generic, armored goons in a typical FPS that the hero has to kill hundreds of. You’re probably wearing a gas mask or a ski mask, since the programmers never seem to want to make individual face models for the enemies in FPSs and so they use the mask cop-out. Watch as dozens of your comrades get slaughtered, and try as hard as you can to kill the lone hero, who for some horribly unfair reason has 60 times as much health as you do and is able to carry nine weapons on his person.

The one advantage that you have is that you never run out of ammunition. Because bad guys in shooters NEVER run out of ammunition. I have never played a single FPS where the enemies could run out of ammo.

[Lumpy]

@Argent Towers

Goon - you play as one of the anonymous, generic, armored goons in a typical FPS that the hero has to kill hundreds of. You’re probably wearing a gas mask or a ski mask, since the programmers never seem to want to make individual face models for the enemies in FPSs and so they use the mask cop-out. Watch as dozens of your comrades get slaughtered, and try as hard as you can to kill the lone hero, who for some horribly unfair reason has 60 times as much health as you do and is able to carry nine weapons on his person.

The one advantage that you have is that you never run out of ammunition. Because bad guys in shooters NEVER run out of ammunition. I have never played a single FPS where the enemies could run out of ammo.

If only Opposing Force had had a level where Freeman attacks you and you have to run like a rabbit to survive