Virgin Dopers of the world unite!

inspired by this and this thread.

I’ll be 27 in a few days and I’m still a virgin. I haven’t even had a girlfriend. For the longest time I’ve felt slightly ashamed of this and didn’t tell anyone, avoiding the subject when it came up. I’ve felt less than attractive and worried whether I had some personality trait that made me so annoying no one was interested in me.

One of the big burdens of being my age (or, judging from some of the posts in the other threads, younger) is feeling like there is something wrong with you for being a virgin. You don’t feel like talking about it and it seems like everyone else, attractive or not so attractive (to you anyway) has had sex.

More recently I’ve realized that this is wrong. There are more people out there who have not had sex than you think. It’s OK to talk about being a virgin, it helps other virgins realize they are not so wierd or unattractive, and it normalizes it for the non-virgins. I see this as something akin to being out and gay (although I think it is also quite different in many ways).

I don’t know how common it is to remain a virgin as late as I have (or even later), but I know that it doesn’t help much to be quiet about it.

I have a feeling that this might be like the thread asking about heterosexuals having homosexual encounters, where a lot of the responses were something like “Straight guy here, nope, never had one, not interested.” And a lot of virgins remaining quiet out of fear or shame or something. I welcome responses from all people, virgin or non, but I would hope that all of the posts are respectful and don’t make virgins feel bad about themselves.

I don’t see virginity as this great thing, I would actually love to have sex with a willing person, but it’s not something to be ashamed of and I would submit that is it should not be an immediate turn-off for other people.

Please chime in if you are virgin or know someone who is and tell us about your experience. If you have personal reasons for remaining a virgin, tell us.

Won’t uniting all the virgins lead to fewer virgins?

Hah! Good one. :wink:

I had to laugh. Seriously though, no innuendo was intended.

I’m 19, female, a virgin, and quite content that way. I identify as asexual, and not because I’m unattractive and can’t get any. I’m just not interested. I find people (both genders, mostly those close to the middle of the gender expression spectrum) attractive, but not in a sexual way.

I’m unsure whether I would be up for a non-sexual romantic relationship. I did have a boyfriend once, but it was middle school and generally a bad idea, so it doesn’t count.

:eek: oh my goodness! I’m not the only one!

I always thought I was a freak!

/cue tears of joy

EllaBean, you might be interested in AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). They have a nice forum and a lot of good information.

I’m no longer a virgin, but I was until I was 27. Does that count? I didn’t hold out for any religious or moral reasons, I just needed an immense amount of trust and love before I could have sex - so I had sex with the guy who was going to become my husband the second day after we met :smiley: . (To my credit, I’m not a total slut - we’d known each other online for more than seven years, and had talked seriously for over four months - and we both knew there was chemistry the second we saw one another in person).

I thought I was asexual as well - and to be honest, my friendship and love for him is much more important than our sex life (although that’s pretty good - but if it was non-existent, I would still feel the exact same way about him.). I just realized that I’m not really built to have sex with people that I’m not completely committed to. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

If I hadn’t met him, I’m guessing I’d still be a virgin today at 30. And I’d probably be completely fine with it.


As mentioned in the other thread, I’m 36 and still a virgin.

No, I don’t still live with my parents. No, I’m not completely hideous. No, I don’t have uncontrolled emotional issues or major mental health problems (except the depression, but we take meds for that). Yes, I’ve had opportunities, but never with someone I trusted and respected and those two qualities are a requirement for me before I’ll even consider sleeping with someone.

I’m 22 and a virgin. I will admit that the fact I used to be significantly overweight is probably a big factor in why I never slept with anyone as a teen. However, having lost weight, I do get enough attention from men nowadays that staying a virgin is a choice for me. In a way, I am sort of glad that I had the experience of being fat during those years so I didn’t end up sleeping with some teen boy who probably wouldnt have known what he was doing anyway. :slight_smile: Not worth risking pregnancy or disease.
I take sex pretty seriously and could never have a casual fling. I admit that I tend to be very picky about men. I would rather be alone than to “settle” for someone who I didn’t feel was right for me, and so far I really haven’t met anyone who I felt was truly right for me.
I am starting medical school, so I’ve put romantic relationships/meeting new people on the back burner for the time being to focus on the overwhelming workload of school. I am more content with that than I would have anticipated beforehand. I do have a healthy interest in sex, but I don’t feel any particularly strong compulsion to act on it. I think I would be okay with it even if I remain single and a virgin for the rest of my life. Sooo many relationships end up failing sooner or later, and I think being unhappily attached to someone is far worse than the single life.

On second thought, I hope that nobody got the impression from my above comment that I think it is “unhealthy” not to be interested in sex. I have known a few people who are asexual and respect that asexuality is a valid orientation for a person. I was using the term “healthy” more in the sense of “strong” interest…just haven’t yet found anyone who appealed to me quite enough that it outweighed my desire to avoid the diseases/unplanned pregnancy/emotional drama that sex with a partner can lead to.

Up until recently I was a virgin and most certainly still would be if I wasn’t with the sweetest, kindest, most patient person I know. There was nothing scarier than admitting I was a virgin to him. I was afraid he’d be mad or wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.

For me virginity was nothing sacred, but I always said I would never sleep with anyone that I couldn’t picture spending the rest of my life with. There also needed to be a great deal of trust, as I have issues about trusting people.

In my personal opinion, it’s no one’s business what others chose to do and should make assumptions about other people based on whether of not they’ve had sex.