This, children, is what happens when you don’t get a proper night’s sleep…
Every zoo needs a Jaguar. It’s the largest cat in the Americas, after all. Don’t know how I’d do in a petting zoo. I don’t like being handled a whole lot, and I’m liable to crush someone’s skull if given a chance.
I don’t like the monkey cage, (I can’t believe they do that to themselves all day, they’re going to pull those things right off!)
I think I’ll visit the petting zoo…feelin kinda touchy feely right now after seeing those monkeys…
Hey ranger, where do i apply for the assistant’s job? I can shovel crap. (I can sure spread it around)
A tropical hummingbird zips in.
Admire my brilliant plumage sa I ylf sdrawkcab.
Can’t do that, Falcon, screech-owl, Duck Dick Goose, Corvus, Tequila Mockingbird, and msrobyn, can ya, hunh? 
Hey, where’s brachyrhynchos and Wood Thrush?
And before anyone asks, we hum because we can’t remember the words. 
::glances down at sig::
::whistles innocently::
I’m hoping that was a just typo, and not some sort of strange bird insult. (“Duck dick!” “Emu ass!”)
You’re hired! You’re now the Official SDMB Assistant Zoo Keeper and Sh*t Shoveler.
Hey, it’s not every zoo that gets to have a real, live DynoSaur.
What’s that? No, I had nothing to do with Jurassic Park, I swear…
Come see the Amazing Spookythecat! The 9th through 13th wonder of the world!
Witness: This Furious Feline try to eat dinner: Without any teeth!!
Marvel: As this Marvelous Mammal catnaps… for 2 days
straight!
Experience: The Wonder as he demands to be let in and
out… 30 times in the space of a minute!!!
So come one, come all to the Newest, Most Incredible...
Wait!! Stay away from the python!!
Sigh...Cool. I will carry my shovel with pride. I promise to uphold the strictest of crap standards. We have to do something about those damn monkeys, though. They keep throwing their turds at me.
Poke one, and they never let you forget it.
You are hired. The pay is $10/hr plus benefits, including dental. You’re gonna need it working here, you can eat all the ice cream you want. I’m a very good boss. Here’s your apron and a nametag.
Soda
Manager, Zoo Soda Fountain
Just don’t stand underneath the koalas. They’ll pee on you any chance they get.
::hork::
Sorry.
:o
So sorry, Duck Duck! It was a jsut a tpyo, of cousre.
If you want bird insults, how about these: You Booby! You Tit! You . . . you . . .Oxpecker!
BTW, I do have in my files the following fascinating article:
McCracken, Kevin G. 2000. The 20-cm Spiny Penis of the Argentine Lake Duck (Oxyura vittata). Auk 117:820-825.
Twenty cm of course translates to 8 inches, or approximately half the length of the animal. And man, you do not want to see the illustrations of this thing.
I’ll be the unicorn.
For reasons that may be obvious to a few of you and not so obvious to the rest.
And, of course we need to hire someone to cater to the cats’ every whim, and scratch our tummies on demand. Volunteers?
I’m just here lookin’ for some tail.
Excuse me, Miss Ranger? Which way to the petting area?
We also still need a docent for the petting zoo. The docent is the person who stands there in a crisp uniform that says “SDMS Zoo” on the pocket, and explains facts about the animals to the children, and never never has to make any of the evil children who are feeding candy wrappers to the dairy cow or poking the sheep with a stick stop being evil because she’s only there to do animal demonstrations not be a zoo cop thank you very much it’s their parents job to keep the wretched little monsters under control their parents get it I volunteered for this job even though the pay is literally nonexistent and the hours really suck because I love animals and I love children I really do but sometimes they just drive me up the WALL and I wish it was just me and the animals.
you know?
Colibri - you forgot “Dickcissel”
::yawn::
And you forgot loon, screech-owl…
Odie stops, scratches his fleas and sniffs his hind quarters before he moves on…
Make a right at the sleeping dragon and then take the left fork at the fountain. Oh, watch out for that Corvous. He’s loose and up to all manner of mischevious, ya know. Then make a left at the unicorn… you have to watch that one. He’s a little twisty.