I have observed that you seem to routinely experience consistent profound challenges to your cognition, native intelligence and common sense which are, astonishingly enough, far more of a hindrance to you than are the characteristic quotidian impediments of an average vertical ground-anchored brace in a wooden artificial boundary structure are, to the aforementioned vertical brace.
Your physical appearance is so displeasing that upon removing you from your mother’s birth canal, the attending obstetrician promptly struck your mother’s face with his palm.
Your intellect compares infavorably with the keen edge of a wax implement often given to young children as a primary writing implement and artistic tool.
The dwelling is illuminated but the proprietor appears to be elsewhere.
If I desired for the airborne particulate residue of combustion to enter my large intestine forcefully, I would choose to instead recline in my dwelling with a length of flexible tubing and a carton of cylinders of tobacco leaves.
Things parents say:
Did I appropriate an agricultural storage building to serve as your dwelling place during your formative years?
If all of your compatriots chose to bound from the flank of a structure meant to span an obstacle to traffic, would you engage in similar behavior?
(Courtesy of my husband:)
You lack the intellectual capacity to calculate pi to 20 decimal places.
Yes, from the analysis of your usual behavior, you are the type when given a Constitution-class starship, every problem appears to be a Klingon Warbird
My attempt at empathy by approximating the position from which you observe your surroundings is hindered by the reality that my cranial structure is of sufficient diameter as to prohibit its insertion into my rectal cavity to the extent that you have achieved.
Bacon Salt, I am SO going to use your last one!
The ascent of your vertical transport system terminates prior to reaching the apex of the structure.
If you were the captain of a starship with a teracredit’s worth of technology and four hundred and thirty-one crew at your command, you would still insist on resolving problems personally. With a fistfight.
Brilliant! 
May you live in fascinating times.
Consider the implications of your statement. While you and I both exist within the parameters of your conjecture, I am by your admission the only sentient being. You’ve inadvertantly established a conclusion with which I unreservedly agree.
Logical.
Flawlessly logical.
:dubious:
You could easily be manipulated by the female to whom you were betrothed into apparently slaying your best friend and then seeing the female marry the male whom she truly desired, thereby leaving you disgraced and with no proper recourse. If I may say so, this speaks well of neither your intelligence nor your tactical skills.
Ladies and gentlepersons,
Alas, the best posts are mine:
“You are unattractive and your female parent clothes you in an unusual fashion.”
“May you live in fascinating times.”
I wish you would introduce waste matter into your gastro-intestinal tract and thereafter that your living functions would abruptly cease.
“Fascinating.”
(Said with eyebrows slightly raised.)
Except the last one is an old chinese saying. Chinese people don’t have pointed ears.
Well, there was that one who had the accident with the mechanical rice picker back in the 1930s.
Refrain from taking umbrage while you vacate the immediate vicinity, simply abscond, I implore you.
Live long and suffer greatly.