I had been in a new relationship for the last 4 weeks. I actually thought it had a lot of potential; but, apparently not. I was told on Sunday that the initial “attraction” is not there anymore.
In my mind I think that maybe it’s just the fact that he is working 16 hours a day/ 6 days a week and is still struggling financially, he has a son who he is very close to that lives far away with the ex-wife. He also has some health issues along with a parent who is terminally ill. I thought that maybe a combination of those things might be getting him a bit depressed and therefore he is losing that feeling of attraction to me.
Then I read on here some views that state basically that once the attraction is gone then there is no hope. Or that is what I got from here
and here
Do most hold to that view? Once it’s “gone” it’s gone?? Have you ever experience a waning in your attraction to your SO? Have they experienced a waning in their attraction to you?
Just wondering…
Just walking away is difficult…this really seemed different from any other relationship I have had.
The attraction is gone after 4 weeks? I’d say it wasn’t so much attraction as it was infatuation. More physical than emotional. Not the stuff of deep, long-term relationships.
If it’s already gone after 4 weeks, then yeah, I’d pretty much call it useless.
IMO, what happened is that he’s not “getting” depressed, he was already depressed. For a brief period of time, seeing you gave him a little rush that let him forget his problems for a few hours at a time. Now that rush is gone. No offense, but it was never about you personally. Let it go.
Attraction in a long term relationship ebbs and flows. Some days you may as well just be a pair of good friends, and other days you’re all over each other like hot buttered monkeys. That’s just the way it goes. As long as you’re not feeling annoyed/frustrated/disgusted by your partner, it’s still a healthy relationship and no cause for concern.
But if the hot buttered monkey stage is done at 4 weeks? Doesn’t bode well.
Thank you, Turek, Priceguy, DianaG and Mahna Mahna for your responses.
I’m about to head into an all day meeting for work and won’t get to check in for a little while; but, I hope that more people will respond with their experiences.
DianaG, your explanation is a bit freeing to me. I don’t know if that’s the case or not, him being depressed already…but, it makes sense.
I’ve dated a few women whose attraction wore off after a few weeks. On initially meeting them I’ve thought, hey, this is someone I’d like to spend time with. Then, after a few dates, it turns out that they didn’t really do it for me. I don’t think there’s anything unusual going on here.
It’s more worrisome that you should be so invested after such a short time. I should talk, I guess: I got engaged after knowing my wife for all of six weeks. But I had a number of years behind me of figuring out exactly what I wanted, and she was it. Overall, of all the people I’ve ever dated, I’ve only been with four for over a month. But I’ve had an initial attraction for everyone I’ve dated, else I wouldn’t have gone out with them in the first place.
I had spent nearly 3 months getting to know my SO before we figured out that the attraction was mutual and got around to doing something about it. By 4 weeks, we were making long-term plans and starting the process of building a life together, and I’d been calling him my SO for probably half that time. Like cars, some relationships go from 0 to 60 pretty darn quick.
Agreed, it doesn’t quite sound like the OP was in that kind of relationship based on the brief description… but it’s just that. A brief description. I don’t know if it warrants being “shocked” at her use of SO so early on.
Actually, I didn’t refer to him as my SO. I may have inferred it; but, that was not my intent. When I wrote the OP I really wanted to hear experiences of others who were in relationships with Significant Others…do their relationships ever experience the waning of attraction.
Apparently I didn’t communicate that very well! Sorry!
In that case, yes, nearly every time. It was never over 4 weeks, like I said, but more like 3 months. The shininess just wore off. That doesn’t mean that there wasn’t something there to replace it, though. And I think that’s normal.
I have the opposite thing happening to me. The more attracted I am to my wife, the less she feels like doing anything about it, it seems. She’s so focused on career and family and networking and friendships that hot animal sex just doesn’t fit into the schedule anymore.