I’ve just returned from my third business trip to Asia with a guy several years junior to me (it was only the two of us on the trip) – we’ve spent about six weeks there together over these trips.
As happens, we spent a lot of time socializing with the client personnel, high, medium, and low level. Generally, they choose (or propose from among several) restaurants for us.
Now, de gustibus non disputandum, but it turns out that I like (or am okay with) most foods, he has significant (prissy? I’m trying not to be judgmental) limits to his preferences and tastes. That’s life, and there have certainly been times on these trips when I have had no taste for the food or drink options suggested by the client, for the way it was presented, for the quantity (we’re both big gwailo types so typical Asian portions leave me hungry sometimes), for the pace at which it comes out, for the lack of water, etc.
HOWEVER, my cardinal rule is to smile, ALWAYS repeat “I’m fine with just about anything” (I politely draw the line at certain organs, and no one’s ever blamed me for it), and muddle through. If given a choice, I’ll initially repeat “I’m fine with anything,” then if the host presses, I’ll say, “Oh, the chicken/tongue/eggplant would be great for me.”
So, my bill of particulars against this guy, in no particular order, includes (you can tell we were travelling together too long; you start taking obsessive note of each annoying behavior):
[ul]
[li]Categorically ruling out food groups suggested by client. “NO Indian!” “I don’t know about Vietnamese.” “I’m not a big fan of French.”[/li][li]Speciall/difficult/unreasonable custom orders (which the client then has to interpret to the bewildered local waiter). “Can I get just some balsamic vinegar with that [papaya] salsad?” “Could I have the sweet and sour pork, but with chicken instead?” “Could I get the sauce on the side?” “Tell him to make SURE it’s decaf.” [/li][li]Otherwise not having a common-sense instinct for what is achievable/polite in a non-Western establishment (special orders, unfamiliar terminology, etc.).[/li][li]Routinely ordering more food than anyone else in the party (e.g., “Can I get the chicken AND the salmon entrees?” “Large. Large. I want a big order of the beef.” “Steak for one? That’s not going to do it – I need the cut for 2-3.” “Could I get some scallops (said at the end of a huge hot-pot meal)?”[/li][li]Singling out expensive items (aforementioned scallops, steak, etc.) in view of the client, who he knows will in turn be charged the expense of the whole dinner.[/li][li]Ignoring any Asian (or just commonsensical) notion of precedence or politeness (e.g., always taking the first slice or piece of a dish, without offering it to his seniors (everyone else), taking the last piece, powering through as rapidly as possible with communal dishes).[/li][li]Regarding a dish as “his” because he’s been rude enough to order it (not realizing that even when one person requests a dish, this culture generally calls for sharing everything on the table).[/li][li]Infuriatingly, when he shows any awareness of his conduct, smirking as though he thinks its endearing (he clearly thinks the locals are impressed by his “hearty appetite” and that he’s making a good impression; they’re polite, but not blind, though).[/li][li]Not learning a single damn word of the language in five weeks on the ground. I’m an Ugly Westerner, but how can you, on the last day of five weeks of travel, motion a waiter over and blurt out: “Water?!” like some retard? (Later that evening he collared a different waiter and similarly loudly stated “Bathroom?!” – the clients were sniggering, “Is he going to take a shower?” because as anyone who’s been outside the U.S. for five minutes knows, non-Americans always say “toilet,” “WC,” anything but “bathroom.” How could you, in fact, not learn the words for “toilet” and “water” during the first ten minutes in a foreign country? They’re pretty important.[/li][/ul]
Anyway, sorry, I had to get that off my chest after simmering for weeks. The basic problems are: (1) he’s a Philistine; (2) he fundamentally misconceives “business dining” as “dining meant principally for his personal entertainment and maximal pleasure;” (3) he doesn’t realize that he’s still on the clock and needs to put the client’s comfort first; (4) he’s completely culturally tone-deaf about the deference, polite denials, etc., etc. that are still (even to an oaf like me) so obviously much more a part of social and business life for people in our client’s culture; (5) he mistakes the polite and hospitable tolerance of our hosts for approval (and doesn’t distinguish between the younger guys, who may actually be fairly unfazed by his undeniable selfishness and eccentricities, and their more traditional counterparts who may); and (6) to the extent he reflected on the differences between his behavior and everyone else’s at the table, he’d UNDOUBTEDLY think it was a source of “uniqueness” or “impressing the locals.”
Maybe I’m too stuffy or I’ve gone more old-school than the old-school Asians, but he did so many things wrong, I know I’m not imagineing the problem. What he has not done, once, I’ve done dozens of times: Go where the host offers, eat (at least a polite amount of) what’s put in front of me, run out the clock, then go back to the hotel or city center and eat and drink WHATEVER I WANT AND HOWEVER MUCH OF IT I WANT, on my own time and own nickel. Because the dinner, itself, is not primarily about me (or even about me at all).
Other problem is that while I noticed the overly-familiar and self-indulgent behaviors by about our second week over there, I have not really said anything, hoping it would go away. Is it now too late?
If it’s not – how to couch the rebuke/advice to him?