There have been several threads in this forum about stupid warning labels (cape does not enable user to fly, etc.).
But what about warning labels that you think really should be on products, such as
Warning: Attempting to bellydance to the music contained on this CD may result in severe muscular/skeletal injury- Any Billy Idol album (I found out the hard way, but I still keep trying…)
or
Warning: Not recommended for use as a vaginal lubricant - Sports cream of your choice. (No, I’m not that stupid, but I’ve always thought this would be an amusing way to fill in that bit of blank space at the end of the product warnings…)
Warning: This building contains Clergymen. Do not leave children unattended in his care. Children are at risk of sexual abuse, and/or contracting incurable intolerance and/or superstitions. The Almighty accepts no responsibility for their antics.
Go and fetch all of your tools. You will be needing them if you want to get this package open.
WARNING:
You would be smart to have this lawn mower put together by a stock boy that is 16 years old. Even though you are a college graduate, you will not be able to get this thing together and not have some parts left over.
WARNING:
This drug produces so many possible side effects, you would be better off suffering with your original illness. It just ain’t worth it.
WARNING:
If you drive at or slightly below the posted speed limit, you are taking your life and the lives of your passengers into your hands. Drive at least 10 mph over the posted speed or get the hell off the road.
If I ended up writing warning labels, I’d probably go in to work one day in a bad mood and write something like Warning: dangerous or fatal if swallowed. So go right ahead, and do us all a favor, and punch your own ticket. You useless, simpering, un-human thing. We’ll be better off without you.
I guess I’m just not a “people person.” (Insert smiley with demented grin and an eyelid twitch here.)
Ranchoth
Description: Message board consisting of several dozen loose screws and several thousand lurkers.
Warning: This board can become highly addictive.
Side effects: Can include dizziness, nausea, hysteria, and effusion of Tab from nostrils.
Dosage and administration: Should be accessed no more than one hour per day. Withdrawal can be very dangerous.
Interactions: Do not use if you are accessing the LBMB or the John Edward fan site. May be used in conjunction with Unaboard or Snopes, within moderation. Use of alcohol or other drugs with SDMB will be sorely regretted the following day.
Chaos Arrows: Ammunition for any bow. These arrows seeth with chaotic power, and do an additional 1d6 points of damage to creatures of lawful alignment.
A Chaos arrow is a symbol of arrows all radiating out from a common center, think of it kind of like an asterix or a starburst with arrow heads on each arm.
**Warning:[b/] I am a man unable to commit. If found in a relationship, my significant other should be warned of instability and potential abandonment.
WARNING: This compact disc contains one well-crafted, radio-friendly, hit song and eleven crappy filler songs. A month from now, you will have forgotten that you own this compact disc. Next year you will sell it at a yard sale for a quarter.
