i know probably all of you have seen these aready…but I couldn’t resist
Warning Labels-
~On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)
~On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
~On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
~On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it’s just a suggestion!)
~On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
~On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on box bottom): Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
~On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let’s experiment.)
~On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn’t that save more time?)
~On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of car and construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds outta those cars and off those fork lifts.)
~On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
~On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. (MmMm…What’s for dinner?)
~On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
~On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Hmm, now I’m curious.)
~On Sainsbury’s peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
~On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (have lobotomy)
~On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
~On a “personal massager/marital aid”: Insert. Remove. Repeat as necessary.
~On a bottle of soda: Do not shake vigorously, point towards eyes, then open.
Oh, wait. You wanted real warnings. Nevermind.
[sub]Has anyone else spotted the “Warning” tag being slowly replaced with the much less litiginous sounding “Precautions”?[/sub]
At least the claymore warning makes sense…if you accidentally forgot which end was front, you’d food process your entire squad. (it’s just slightly convex, so some moron COULD, in a hurry, put it down wrong…and if you had never used one before, you’d likely not know which was the front…but if you hadn’t used it before, you probably don’t want to start by using a live one)
Daowajan, the warning on the fan belt might not be as stupid as it seems…
About a year ago, one of our customers decided to investigate his squealing fan belt outside our store. Problem is, he left the engine running. Next thing we know, his girlfriend comes running in and screaming for help. We go out to investigate, and find the guy dripping blood everywhere and clutching his arm. His thumb was lying on the ground, having been sliced off by the whirring fan belt.
Not knowing the best course of action to take, we just got a cup of ice from the McDonalds across the road, put his severed thumb in it and called an ambulance. Never did hear how he got on afterwards, but to say we spent the rest of the day wondering how anybody could be so stupid would be a bit of an understatement.
Umm, I’ve, umm, needed to take some kind of oral medication for THAT kind of yeast infection But they ended up just giving me a pill that knocked it right out.
But they ended up just giving me a pill that knocked it right out.