i’ve been with my b/f for many years. Lately (past 6 months) he has been spending alot of time in the bars. He drinks at lunch at his favorite watering hole/resturant and spends many late nights at the local bar.
He is a very hard worker and I never really minded when he went to the bar (by himself) because it helps him to relax.
But these past few weeks have been torture for me as he “confessed” (i had to hound him) that he’s been hanging out with the waitstaff (or sweethearts, as he calls them) outside of the bar.
One lady in particular he flirts with heavily, tips 100% (!!), exchanged numbers with her and even let her borrow his car!
He also smokes out a few girls at the local bar.
Now he has never been unfaithful but I can’t help but see this all as a terrible warning sign.
We have talked about it and he seems to think he is doing nothing wrong but it tears me up.
I can’t shake the green-eyed monster!!
Do i leave now and avoid really getting hurt? or stick it out and “hope” that he stays faithfull??
i spelled Relationship wrong…sorry
I’m a firm believer in that if one partner is upset or deeply troubled by the other partners behaviour and they continue this behaviour with little or no regard for their feelings things are not ok. You shouldn’t have to “hope” he doesn’t cheat.
I’m not going to tell you to dump him or keep him as only you can decide that but the fact that he values hanging out there over your feelings is a bad sign.
Well Peach, if you talk to him about your feelings & he doesn’t change his behavior then I would call that a warning sign.
If this relationship is what you want and need, stick with it. If this relationship is not meeting your needs and you see little promise of change in either your expectations or the behavior of your partner, you should consider ending the relationship.
My take on your post is that you have already realized the need for change. Good luck with your decision.
I think his behavior is very suspicious, especially the fact that he was secretive about hanging out with these women. However, if you trust him and don’t think he did anything wrong, you might try joining him when he hangs out with these women. If these are just friends, then your presence should be no big deal – why wouldn’t his girlfriend sometimes join him with his friends? If they aren’t just friends, your presence will likely cause a noticeable stir, either in his or their behavior.
Of course, if you don’t feel you can trust him, or you feel he’s being dishonest with you, that’s a valid reason to end a relationship.
I think just about anyone who is in a long-term, monogamous relationship gets itchy feet sometimes. The difference is between those who act on it and those who just troll to see what he or she could act on. Who doesn’t flirt sometimes just for the ego boost? It doesn’t necessarily mean that anything’s wrong. However, it may. That’s your decision based upon other aspects of your relationship.
If he hasn’t given you any evidence that he’s screwing around beyond making new friends, then you’re being paranoid. Even the happiest committed guys like having sexy female friends if for nothing else than some eye candy now and then.
Speaking personally, when I feel that I’m losing my identity to the sum of my relationship with someone, I will often diversify my group of friends (including women) even though I am perfectly satisfied with the SO that I have. It may just be him trying to make sure he’s still “got it” for his own edification.
The decision is yours, but it’s pretty silly to throw away “many years” solely because there are other presumably platonic women in his life.
Well that depends. If he’s hanging out in the bars with the ladies all the time, there might be something there.
On the other hand. If there’s nothing there then you might just be creating problems where none exist.