Warning!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

These days there are warning labels on everything, from bleach to cigarettes to paint. And yet, none on alcohol. Is that bizarre or what? What warning label would you like to see on a jug of Jack Daniels?
Here’s a couple that come to mind:

WARNING!
The use of this product may cause you to believe that you are whispering, when in fact you are shouting.

WARNING! Ingesting this product will cause you to tell the same joke over and over again.

WARNING! Using this product may cause you to be convinced that your ex would love a phone call from you at 3 AM.

I think I’ve just scratched the surface.

P.S. I am NOT a teetotaler.

When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is no longer our friend.

2

Warning: Alcohol consumption may cause pregnancy.

Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine

3

WARNING excessive consumption will cause you to believe that loser buying you drinks is a great guy, and only *your sweet lovin’ *can bring it out.

4

WARNING: Consumption of this beverage will turn a decent Dutch Youngster into a cursin’ Chat Ho !

A.K.A. The Degenerate Clause.

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
5

A friend had a T-shirt with a warning:

Warning! Instant asshole. Just add alcohol.

Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.

6

Warning: The ingestion of large amounts of this product has been known to cause death in laboratory animals and college freshmen.

Warning: When operating a motor vehicle, the company recommends moving the contents of this package into a coffee mug.

Warning: If you can read this, you need another one of these.

7

WARNING Excessive consumption will cause user to imagine he/she has potential singing and/or dancing talents.

“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”

 Warren Zevon
8

WARNING!
Excessive consumption may cause you to believe that you can kick the shit out of the Hell’s Angels at the end of the bar.

When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is no longer our friend.

9

Warning:
If you drink, drive, don’t park. Accidents cause people.

Beer. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

10

WARNING! This product has been shown to cause laboratory-drunks to puke like scurvy dogs.

In case of overdose: Pray to any porcelain-fixture-God, and promise it that you will never drink again.

11

** Caution ** singing done while using this beverage may appear more musical to the user than to those not consuming the beverage.
<P ALIGN=“CENTER”>Tris</P>

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the difference between dog and man.
– **Mark Twain **

12

WARNING
Janice Joplin drank this rot-gut. 'Nuff said!

Yer pal,
Satan

13

Is that rot gut you are drinking cause I see plenty of warnings on bottles of alcohol. Ain’t none of them like those.

14

Warning Useof thisdpr odut hasss bin fonded ta kaws diosreinttaion en laibil makkers hehehehehehehehehehehe.

15

WARNING consuming alcoholic beverages may cause you to wake up the next morning next to someone you don’t know, and God is he one ugly dude!

someone say beer goggles?..isn’t there a country song about that?

16

WARNING: over consumption of this product along with low lighting may cause everyone in the room to appear beautiful and good looking.

“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda

17

WARNING: See you again next Friday

18

Look, i"m tridn Drunk nad you’re all exfagerating!

hehehehe

yay for algcohol~

wWarningmay cause inflated ego. Imbibition will not make you as popular as it will make you think you are.

19

Warning: Consumption of this product may cause you to lose coherency and repeat things like, “[Boyfriend] is going to yell at me” and “You’re too good for me” incessantly, till the sober friend who’s taking care of you wants to scream, and has vowed that either you’re never smelling alcohol again, or you’re finding another person who’ll watch out for you. Said friend may also be annoyed by the fact that you had one drink, and are more drunk than anyone in the room, many of who are on their sixth or seventh, and still perfectly lucid. You may drive said friend to consider drinking, though she’s already decided not to, just so she doesn’t have to take care of intoxicated persons again. And she may scream, since you said you weren’t even coming to the party, and so she was ready to just relax and enjoy the evening, rather than be responsible for you.

But she still loves you.

(Don’tcha just love college freshmen?) :rolleyes:

Question authority–just not mine.

20

Warning: Once this bottle is empty, it will be easy to find a bunch of people 21 or older to agree to buy this stuff for you again, but it will take you over a year to find one who will actually go ahead and do it.

Mayor of Snerdville, the home of Mortimer Snerd

“I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.”
–Wayne Knight