These days there are warning labels on everything, from bleach to cigarettes to paint. And yet, none on alcohol. Is that bizarre or what? What warning label would you like to see on a jug of Jack Daniels?
Here’s a couple that come to mind:
WARNING!
The use of this product may cause you to believe that you are whispering, when in fact you are shouting.
WARNING! Ingesting this product will cause you to tell the same joke over and over again.
WARNING! Using this product may cause you to be convinced that your ex would love a phone call from you at 3 AM.
I think I’ve just scratched the surface.
P.S. I am NOT a teetotaler.
When the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is no longer our friend.
Judges 14:9 - So [Samson] scraped the honey into his hands and went on, eating as he went. When he came to his father and mother, he gave some to them and they ate it; but he did not tell them that he had scraped the honey out of the body of the lion.
** Caution ** singing done while using this beverage may appear more musical to the user than to those not consuming the beverage. <P ALIGN=“CENTER”>Tris</P>
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the difference between dog and man.
– **Mark Twain **
Warning: Consumption of this product may cause you to lose coherency and repeat things like, “[Boyfriend] is going to yell at me” and “You’re too good for me” incessantly, till the sober friend who’s taking care of you wants to scream, and has vowed that either you’re never smelling alcohol again, or you’re finding another person who’ll watch out for you. Said friend may also be annoyed by the fact that you had one drink, and are more drunk than anyone in the room, many of who are on their sixth or seventh, and still perfectly lucid. You may drive said friend to consider drinking, though she’s already decided not to, just so she doesn’t have to take care of intoxicated persons again. And she may scream, since you said you weren’t even coming to the party, and so she was ready to just relax and enjoy the evening, rather than be responsible for you.
Warning: Once this bottle is empty, it will be easy to find a bunch of people 21 or older to agree to buy this stuff for you again, but it will take you over a year to find one who will actually go ahead and do it.