Mickey D’s QP Cheese Value Meal - Consumer may experience extreme gastric distress, resulting in acute, explosive, diarrhea that will occur between the hours of 2:15 and 3:00 am, causing sleeping partner to utter profane exclamations with regard to consumer’s immediate ancestry, upon being awakened by audio and olfactory shock waves emanating from adjoining bathroom.
Penis enlargement pump: You’ve already proven yourself a sucker by paying for this thing. Think twice before you actually try to “use” it. Consider how a hickey is made, and what it looks like.
Baby strollers: There is only an 18% chance that your baby will ever willingly ride in this stroller. Babies like to be *carried *through the mall.
These are great. How about
on package of tinsel: Warning. You will be finding this about your house even into July.
on really inexpensive toilet paper: can be used as paper.
From the many horror stories I’ve read online…
Any brand of vacuum cleaner: Warning! Do not attempt sexual congress with this product, severe injury will result.
Straight Dope Message Board
Warning: Addictive. Do not lurk, post as a guest or pay your $14.95 if you have a job, a spouse, children, a hobby, if you volunteer in your community or if you have a gym membership. You will neglect all of the above in order to hang out with the Dopers.
[ul]
[li]Jolly Ranchers candy- Caution- chewing on these candies may result in removal of dental fillings.[/li][li]Metallica “St. Anger” CD- Contents do not in any way resemble products previously produced.[/li][li]Keys- Not to be used as an ear-cleaning instrument.[/li][/ul]
This goes double for ceiling fans. Especially when they are placed in bedrooms, where people stretch their arms up over their heads when dressing.
Crabs.
The ceiling fan gets me when I try to take off a t shirt. I finger or knuckle can hurt for a couple weeks. The fan is only too low when I raise my arm above my head.
Warning on all beauty products:
“Use of this product will not make you look like the genetically-blessed model on the packaging.”
Oh, thanks for the crab talk, guys. Now we got pubic hair and herpe ads.
Yeah, but did it WORK? 
I used to share a house with a very tall guy. One one occasion he was hopping up and down in the living room while we were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show, demonstrating to some friends how the dance number towards the end is supposed to go. Shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump jump, shuffle-shuffle-shuffle, jump WHACK. He managed to get hit in the face by the ceiling fan in mid-air.
O.K. I’ll fix the ads for you.
banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread
banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread
banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread banana bread
I hope that fixed it for you.
He must have looked like Meat Loaf for a while. Not in size of course. the head wound in in the movie.
American chocolate should come with a warning for us tourists. “Not to be confused with the real thing. In fact, just don’t bother. It’s not worth the calories. Buy a bag of crisps or something…”
Nope, I’m getting ads for maternity clothes.
Any online multiplayer game should have the warning ‘this will consume your life’
Yo, colon cleansing over here. Is banana bread constipating?
I’m getting “Photos: That’s in my gut?”
Which should bear the warning label, “Clicking this link will virtually guarentee you won’t eat again for a month.”
Blecch.