Ways to make money

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I thought of a great way to make a lot of cash. First, buy a monkey (it seems like all my schemes for wealth involve monkeys). Then, take it for a long car ride so that it falls asleep. Then, put a diaper on it and take it into a supermarket. Most likely, if the staff is paying attention, they’ll tell you that animals aren’t allowed in the store. Then, start crying and say that it is your child. Get very irate. If you play your cards right, you can negotiate your way into a lot of free stuff, and maybe even an out-of-court settlement.

Anybody else got any brilliant ideas?

A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

2

Can’t remember where I heard this before, so if I am stealing this from a doper, I apologize.

Buy one of those ice cream stands with wheels. Get it on the shoulder of any major highway in any major city during evening rush hour during the summer (picturing Atlanta here).

Sell those cones for $5 each.

Voted Rookie of the Year in MPSIMs and the Pit, along with Best One-liners.
And I don’t plan on keeping this as my sig for long, just until the winning buzz wears off.

3

I’ve got this great $$$ making scam! And it soooo easy!

  1. Put together a summary of the past couple of jobs that you’ve worked.

2.Send those out to companies advertising in the “Help Wanted” section of the paper.

  1. Talk to them in person. Give 'em a nice firm handshake, throw in some Masonic phrases as well.

  2. If they hire you, then you’ve got em hoodwinked. Show up for “work” and they’ll give you money, simple as that!

Or the monkey thing sounds good too.

4

Actually, I think technically what you’re referring to is the “hiring process”. I tried mentioning the monkey thing in my last “hiring process” and the guy slapped the hell out of me. I’m at a loss.

5

No, no, no. You need to bring the monkey with you to the interview and introduce him to the nice man behind the desk.

Either you’ll be given a corner office and your choice of attractive secretaries of the appropriate gender, or the monkey will reach into that diaper and start throwing feces around.

Either way, it’ll be a great day!

…but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans!

6

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

7

Well, y’all got me laughin’!

Feces-throwing monkeys…what’ll they think of next!

8

Okay, how about this one…

You go to Wendy’s and order one of those there Frostys. Then, you spill it on your crotch and sue.

And then you buy a monkey.

A hush fell over the courtroom, killing six.

9

I find the best way to make money is selling monkeys to suckers.

Step right this way, sir, I have a nice capucine that I’d like to show you.

10

Say it ain’t so, say it ain’t so…

Now they’re exploiting the capucines…

Soon there’ll be no one left to run the factories…
I’m sorry, I don’t know what the hell that means either. Perhaps I’ll get Most Irrelevant in the next poll.

A hush fell over the courtroom, killing six.

11

I came up with a great idea for college students:

  1. Buy stapler.
  2. Charge on a per staple basis.

Nobody ever has a stapler. Or a pencil sharpener either. . . hmm. . .
– Sylence

If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings.

  • Tokugawa Ieyasu
12

Don’t be silly. You can’t charge for staples, thats what room mates are for.

13

[pesky spelling hat on]
That’s capuchin
And they’re dang cute! http://monkeymaddness.com/pictures/913676566/913679374/beencaught.JPG

[pesky spelling hat off]

Personally, I’m making a few hundred bucks a month from one porn banner spot (that rotates about 8 banners) and 2 porn text links. I’m making almost $200/month from AllAdvantage. So…um… I’d say porn and spam! porn and spam! that is how to make money!!!
*note I do not spam for either of those, it just sounded catchy ok?

–
“Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

14

You know, Opal, “Porn and Spam” sounds like it could make a catchy song…

Now what do we sign it to the tune of?

“Mambo No. 5?” (A little bit of porn in my life, a little bit of spam gets me high…)

“Yakkety Yak?” (Take out the porno and the spam, or you don’t get so spending cash…)

I could go on for days (and I will, I will…)

…but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans!