…I’ve got all my sisters down for the count, now moving onto my aunts and uncles.
If one more person asks me today what I’m doing, where I’m living, how I’m enjoying it, I will cut your still beating heart out with my swiss army knife and plunk it onto a pole to hand outside my doorway.
If one more person asks me today whether I have a girlfriend I will poke your eyes in with pool cues and use your brain matter for chalk.
And if you dare tell me, nay, if you even think of telling me, about other people my age and what they’re doing and how successful they are right now even though they’re just a year out of college, I will take a chainsaw to your crotch and move upwards at an inch a day for a month, making sure to keep you alive the entire time.
Oh…and Shana Tova everyone!!!