Not gonna let you kill THIS thread! 
Can I have a ballad dire wolf? I’ll comb the tangles out of your fur…& I think you’ve got burrs tangled in your ears, and I bet you can’t reach there with your paws…ok. enugh bribery, I saw Tymp’s & it was good, & I’m jealous…pwease, Dire Wolf? (see, I brought out the irritating little girl voice - I’m serious about this!)
Aw geezz, I have a disciple now?
I guess I missed this the first time around…Please think twice, dear ShamaFrog, for the way of the Threadkiller is a lonely one…or at least it was a lonely one until we all banded together as a team to kill it.
You guys kinda helped me thru the worst part of my broken wrist with the humor of that thread. The ichy part where the skin starts to slough off under the cast and gets all funky.
You also helped me get the hang of vB script a bit.
I’m with Shama - I need a new sig!
How about “Lieutenant ThreadKiller in particlewill’s Army?”
No, no…maybe, let’s see, “St. Wolfus Threadkillerus, apostle of particlewill”.
Nope - too much lightning strike potential with that one.
Hmmm… “Dire Wolf - Assistant Thread Killer and one of particlewill’s sordid henchmen”
Crap. I’ll think of something. My brain hurts right now. I hope I don’t have Parvo.
fierra, honey, I’ll come up with a ballad for you, don’t worry.
::rolling on back, tail wagging, flashing irresistable puppy eyes::
I am bribable, so get that brush ready. I’m also a pushover for chicks using that girlie voice.
Well, it may be a different thread, but I still brought bacon egg and cheese sandwiches for everyone. I put ketchup on mine! Yum. Anyone got coffee? Me and p-will are gonna talk about the old days when a 10MB hard drive was stylin’…
[sup]When I was a pup, we had to walk through the snow to get to a computer! We didn’t have fancy monitors with high refresh rates - we had to draw the screen by hand! Our modems used Dixie cups and string! We had laptops alright - they were called Etch-A-Sketch. Memory was so expen…ahhhhhhh, screw it[/sup]
Is any brush ok? I have about three for my dogs, but do you want a special wolf brush? [girly voice]I pwomise not to put a ribbon in your hair[/girly voice]…tickles tummy Ah ha! While he’s distracted I’ll just raid these sandwiches…
Cheese? Cheese? You’ve ruined them…oh well scrapes cheese off & throws it in Son of Thread’s direction you know, we really should name that little fella!
Snow? You had snow? That were sheer luxury, that were’t. We had broken glass if you were lucky and if it weren’t your turn to use the brown paper that passed for shoes…
Volfy, that ballad was awesome. I’d ask for one myself, but I’m afraid of what you might write. I have some great fodder for teasing: hamsters, nudity, tweezers, knishes, etc. And that’s just from the threadkillers thread. Man, do I set myself up, or what?
fierra…looks like this canine might need a bath…I’ve still got all the stuff if you want it. And let me know if you need help.
Thanks for breakfast, Volfy. Just what I needed. 
looks down in shame You know, I think I scared Tymp off. And he was such a great…ahem…threadkiller. If you see him, tell him I’ll keep my mitts off him if he comes back.
I’ll behave. It might be difficult, but I can do it.
Well, I’m back for the day, so now, I think it’s time to have a little, er…ceremony. We’ve already presented pwill with his, but I think that there are some necessary consolation prizes in order. So, without further ado…
Tymp, oh armored master of valient speech, I give you a brand new, shiny broadsword! I would have given you a new codpiece, but they didn’t have any with hinges…
For Dire Wolf, an magical refillable package of snausages, and a new collar. That old one has thread all over it.
Sauron, what else can I give you but a ring. I’ll admit, it isn’t exactly the ring of ultimate power or nuthin, but it DOES have a neat little whistle on it.
Fierra, I give you snow, so that you can have this luxury for many years to come.
Mojo, you weren’t there for a while, but we never forget a friend, so you get two shiny new bazookas. Enjoy them, and all the sexual innuendo that comes with them.
And last, but greatest by far, struuter. You were here since page one, and diligently brought us humor, love, and breakfast every morning. For that, I bestow upon you this, the Golden Knish award, to be cherished forever. And, a new top-o-the-line makeup kit. Stick around, struut, we need ya.
And to all those who tried to kill the thread, but I can’t remember at present, I give you a plaque, acknowledging the big lug of a thread.
Wrapping up, a Son of Thread may be a good idea, but I don’t plan to start one up till 2001, so we can make this an officially annual contest. Till then, we can only wait with bated breath.
Jester, what about your award? What do you give yourself?
How cool can a guy be to give out all these neat things? You, sir, deserve something special. I’m going to have to think of something perfect for you.
Any ideas?
And thank you, sweetie, for my award. That was soooo nice. I’m really touched. {{{{{smooch}}}}}
You’re the best, Jes.
And as for the thread-spawn? I think we’ve moved away from the ‘contest’ mode–I’m thinking we’re in the cheesy (sorry fierra) oops, skip the cheesy part, the low-budget horror film mode. The ‘life of its own’ mode. Yeah, I think that’s what they’re trying to tell you. And this one looks like it could be uglier than the first…
Jester: This is a fine blade you’ve given me. I will carry it always with pride. When I brandish this mighty weapon and the fiery burning of the sun for a moment lights it blood red as I charge into battle, this honor will be in my heart and your name shall ring loudly in my cry for war.
particlewill: Fond shall be my memories of war in your expert company. I bow to your masterful thread slaying and vow my allegiance as your humble servant should you ever need call upon me.
struuter: Never in all my life would I wish you to behave. For truly, it is the remembrance of those few, heated moments and your naked body bathed in the sweet sweat of war and passion that carries me bravely through my day and gives me sense of triumphant might above all else.
Dire Wolf! You kick ass! See below.
Jester, you rock!
SNAUSAGES, SNAUSAGES, MAGICAL REFILLABLE SNAUSAGES!
::wag, wag::
Snausages! Hey, you gonna eat that? Hey, down here by the floor! I’ll finish that for you! Hey! Hey Hey Hey!
::wag, wag, THUD! Knocks stuff off of coffee table with Happy Tail::
Snausages Forever! Viva Snausages!
==============================================
struuter! Yeah! Low budget horror movie mode! Yeah!
SDHS Creative Writing 101! Yeah! Step aside, John Carpenter!
==============================================
Tymp! Glad to be of service! (oh, and uh, I get 10% of royalties on any commercial use of your ballad, net, NOT gross, payable in Milk Bones thankyouverymuch)
Tymp, man, you’re making me hot…You should write for Forum. Excuse me while I go find a leg to hump.
Indeed?
How 'bout a little ballad about all of us?
One stood among the posting throng,
And vowed no thread would last too long.
That once his words were added to
A silent death would soon ensue.
His jingling hat upon his head,
He claimed the thread would soon be dead.
But then came others of his ilk,
In hinged cod-pieces and cloaks of silk,
With firey wit and coats of hair
Did try their best, but in dispair
Found that the beast was growing still!
Until the one called particlewill
With clever tales to soothe the thread
Did find, at last!, that it was dead.
No foul left-overs, no tweezed eyebrow,
No gastro-intestinal Labor Day row,
No pleading or prodding or primping would work.
Not those who would fight, not those who would lurk.
Save the one who remained to answer the call–
“The Greatest Threadkiller of All!”
And when it had gone, and when it was done,
They gathered around the Mightiest One
And in praise to him did they all sing.
But found that they really did miss the damned thing.
struuter
Way to go Particlewill
Now just try not to do it again. What’s worse than posting and thinking maybe no one ever read it?
struuter . . . Damn. I’m actually speechless. Impressive. Most impressive.
blush
Damn, struut, you’re good! The Ballad Of The Thread Killer!
Veeerrrry nice. You are truly multi-faceted.
Note to self: No cheese for fierra
fierra, any dog brush will do, as long as you don’t use one of those shedding rakes - they pull too much, and hair flies everywhere. Besides, I have a lot of burrs that you’ll need to pluck, and maybe a squashed snausage or two. (Hey, I got excited with my magical refillable bag, and I started rolling around, and, well…)
Ribbons? Ugh. Don’t try to be foofin’ me up, now.
Left to my own devices, I will root through garbage and drink from the toilet. Bows and sheeshy cologne may be fine for little rat dogs, but I am a wolf.
struuter, you are too subtle, dear. Open up and just say what’s on your mind! You want I should write you a song? You got it. After all that good breakfast you served, it’s the least I can do. (I can only hope to be half as creative as you.)
::shameless request::
I still have thread goop on me, so, if you want to help fierra with the grooming…
(You people think I’m going to argue if two girls want to give me a bath???)
Struuter, that ballad brought a tear to my eye. Truly, it is a thing of beauty, and you shall go down in history as an accomplished bard.
As for a present, I need one not. My gift was getting to watch a thread I started go for 9 pages. Can’t top that.
Magical powers my ass!
Oh, my, this is odd. Now it seems that the MODERATORS, of all people, are having their own war over at the ORIGINAL thread. No fair, guys, we don’t get to play!
I think that what the Mods are now involved in over at ol Thready’s corpse is the thread equivalant of beating a dead horse…or in this case a dead Thread.
Perhaps, my minions, we can use this power of threadkilling for good. Ya know, find a thread that needs killing and exterminate it. Use our combined power to wipe other evil, annoying threads from the board.
Or not.
Goddamn freaky-ass necropheliacs.
Is nothing sacred in this world anymore???