Just my two cents. I’d hold firm on the no children rule. Not even the infant. Those who say a 2-week old is no trouble have a highly selective memory or observation of infants. A 2-week-old is quite capable of having colic, or a bad day, or to be tired of not being in its own place. My second kid cried about a gazillion hours per day at that stage and would not be comforted. This particular newborn may well be a perfect angel. But then again, it may not. If the baby is there, and starts to wail, will these be the type of parents who will graciously adjourn to another location until it’s quieted down? Are you sure?
In addition, what makes this mother-to-be sure she’ll even be up to an hour’s travel, and another hour home, with baby paraphernalia in tow, a scant 2 weeks after delivery? And that’s assuming the wee one arrives on schedule. Unless she’s sure she’s having a c-section for some reason, that kiddo could (theoretically) still be in utero 2 weeks after the due date. If she is having a c-section 2 weeks before the wedding, she may very well still be a bit shaky anyway.
I agree with no children, even the infant as well - why? Because I’ve seen from a friend’s wedding what happened when the ‘no children’ rule was waived for someone’s 6-week old infant, and another guest got wind of this and turned up with their child to the wedding. The child ended up being allowed in, because the mother of the bride didn’t want a bitchfight with the parent in question (who was a not so close relative or something like that) to ruin her daughter’s special day. Said child ended up bored, fractious and started whining and acting out because there were no other kids there, and they weren’t able to do anything.
Will discuss with mother-in-law. The infant-to-be’s mother is not the smartest of people (a few sandwiches short of a picnic*) and she may be well underestimating how she’ll be, healthwise.
Seriously. She didn’t know carrot cake had carrot in it.
Stand firm on the “no kids” rule. It’s your wedding, not the guest’s. You’ll be having an adult celebration, and you deserve it.
That said, I just want to share a story of a wedding where kids were encouraged to attend, as the bride and groom were both involved with youth programming at their church. The kids who did show were well behaved. And one bridesmaid(a bride’s matron actually) carried her baby in place of the roses the other women carried. It was dressed in a little snuggle suit the same green as the flower stems, with red petals around it’s hood. The bride, who is an Episcopal priest, had suggested it!
We got married in Las Vegas. We sent a lot of invitations, with the no kids rule.
Our wedding was at the Bellagio which doesn’t allow children under 18.
An old friend I hadn’t seen since she had 3 babies in diapers and now has 6 children, called a week before the wedding saying they were all going to be there with bells on. :eek: I gently mentioned that we had asked in the invitation for no kids. She actually said “But you didn’t mean ours.” a flat statement.
I was horrified. We didn’t know what to do. When she had just 3 they were wild. The day arrived and she called early in the morning saying they were just getting on the road from San Diego and would be there right on time.
We decided we’d just have to make the best of it, and just hoped they didn’t tear up the hotel.
The wedding came off beautifully, with no evidence of the breeders or their brood.
Puzzling.
We had a little reception in our suite. The phone rang shortly after were got there. It was a hotel employee apologizing for any inconvience turning away our wedding guests might have caused us. I guess as they started into the lobby the kids went after the flowers, so they were quoted hotel policy and escorted out the door. She even lied and said the kids were actually part of the wedding party! :eek:
Thank you Bellagio! We even got an extra bottle of wine from it.
ninevah, as a wedding minister, I will be sending silent thanks your way if you stick to your guns on the ‘no kids’ policy.
To be fair to kids and their parents, I’d say a good 4/5th of the time, the toddlers I’ve seen either behave or get hustled out when it becomes clear they’re not going to make it (and unless the bride and groom are in their teens or their 40’s, there are always toddlers and infants at the ceremony. Just a cultural difference, I guess). That last 1/5th, though, are enough to drive you berserk. I don’t mean fidgeting or making little noises, but full-volume shouting, crying and fighting with each other. I feel so bad for the couples that have gone through all this effort and expense, and now can’t hear a single thing that’s going on because someone’s kid is screaming at the top of his lungs and the parents are too dense to do a damn thing.
Honestly, the pets have a better track record of good behavior than the kids do.
I agree with sticking to the no kids policy, including the infant (and frankly, I don’t think the mother’s going to feel like going to a wedding at that point, anyway).
I can offer one possibility on why the confusion happened in the first place. My husband and I have received two wedding invitations that were addressed solely to the two of us. In both cases, after I made babysitting arrangements and days before the wedding, the couple expressed surprise that we weren’t bringing our son (under 1 at the time of both weddings). We went ahead and brought him to one of these weddings and it turned out there were a gazillion kids there. I think the waters have been muddied and people are just confused now (although I think invitees should err on the side of caution and assume the people planning the wedding have some clue about etiquette).
I don’t know about the not RSVPing part, or the part about bringing along collateral family members and friends … However, some of it might be cultural.
I know that amongst Indians of my parents’ generation, if anyone invited a couple and uninvited the kids, they would be considered stuck-up assholes. In Indian culture, your children are kind of considered part of yourself, at the very least, the centre of your life. Saying, “you can come, but your kids can’t” is a slap in the face. It’s like saying. “Sure, come along, but please leave your fat wife at home” or “Yeah, I would like you to come, but please wear a mask, so you don’t scare the other guests with your ugly face.”
And, I should add, that an atmosphere with children running about and making a ruckus is considered one of the pleasures of life, in Indian culture. I dno’t know whether you’ve been to an Indian wedding, but it’s more like a party with a ceremony going on in one corner of the room. So, yeah, that part could be cultural.
I wish I thought you were kidding, that there weren’t people in the world this incredibly dense, but no, I believe every word. Bellagio, eh? ::makes note for future reference::
As others have said in this thread and elsewhere, I guess some parents are so enamored of their offspring that they can’t conceive of everyone else in the world not worshipping them, too.
It’s hard to imagine nowadays, but once upon a time it wasn’t actually expected that every single activity was to be a family activity.
Thank God no one has the opportunity to “share the joy of children” with me.
You mean you’ve never seen things like these written on a party invitation? Well, I guess cultural differences run deeper than I thought. Well, how exotic! Vive la difference and all.
I still remember attending a wedding of some family connection when I was about 9 years old. I was one of maybe half-a-dozen kids there, including my brothers and I remember being bored out of my skull!!!
Not inviting kids can be a mercy to them, believe me, especially if it’s a long service.
On the other hand, I do give my best friend kudos for what she set up for kids at her wedding reception. She set up a table covered in white paper and put lots of quiet toys and games on it, not to mention paper, crayons, markers, etc. so the kids could amuse themselves while the adults did boring, adult-style stuff during the reception. She and I had fun picking the stuff out at a dollar store, and the kids had a good time. It’s one of the best ideas I’ve seen.
In my family, when a relative invites you to a wedding, it is assumed that the whole brood comes. But then again, we’re a fairly close family - there are none on the fringes that might not realize the unspoken rules. It is also the same with other families in the community - I’ve taken for granted all my life that children are invited, even if the invitation is just addressed to the parents. Maybe people like in the OP come from the same sort of place? Someone mentioned that they just put the name of the couple. I’d put a strict outline saying no children - don’t just imply it.
I have a feeling this difference runs through most of Asia. In Japan as well, where the parents go, so go the kids. It’s changing a bit, though; the concept of ‘babysitting’ is actually starting to catch on.
That’s the way invitations work. The names that are on the invitation are the people who are specifically invited to attend the event or ceremony or whatever.
If your name is not on the invitation, you are not invited.
It’s kind of the point of having the invitations in the first place, so that you don’t have to go by implication or word of mouth.
Simple really. If your name is on it, please come. If your name is not on it, then you definitely don’t come.
I’m just struggling with the notion that I won’t be able to selectively exclude people on the basis of being fat or ugly. You wacky Asians with your slightly different cultural practices!
It really should be a non-issue. Some weddings offer a more conducive atmosphere for entertaining children. If the couple wants a kid-free wedding then that’s their choice. If you as an invited guest don’t like it and can’t stand the idea that the couple does not want to experience the joys of your spawn then DON’T GO. I have been to easy-going relaxed metropark weddings and to country club weddings. Kids at country club weddings make for a miserable evening. They’re bored, they act like assholes, it pisses off the guests and the bride and groom.
The thing is, some kids are very well behaved and can handle those situations others cannot (I blame the parents) When making out the invitations you can’t pick and choose between the behaved kids and Satan’s minions so it’s better to just not invite any of them.
