Wedding questions I have no idea of the answers to.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, as some of you may know, I’m getting hitched. :slight_smile:

Family and friends have been told and now a bunch of questions are coming up. Questions that I think I’m supposed to know the answers to. Questions that I’m supposed to have figured out years ago.

And I got nothin’. So, what better way to make important wedding decisions than by committee? :smiley: Please vote here!

Lets see here:

  1. Am I changing my name?

  2. Are we writing our own vows?

  3. When are we going to start a family?

  4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?

  5. Where are we going to register?

Lets start with those. All reasonable suggestions will be considered, 'cus I really, really have no idea about the answers which are expected here.

(Never really planned on getting married - it’s all a bit foreign).

2

As much as I love giving other people advice, it seems that your questions can only really be answered by you and your intended, don’t you think? I’m recently engaged myself (also the last thing I ever thought I would be doing), but we’ve got fairly clear ideas - certainly about keeping my name, who we’d like to have around us to celebrate this, and when we’ll be starting a family. I think those questions are excellent, but it’s not us who you should be talking to about it.

3

[quote=“alice_in_wonderland, post:1, topic:479804”]

  1. Am I changing my name?

Yes. “In wonderland” really doesn’t sound serious for a grown-up.
2. Are we writing our own vows?

No. Open a contest in “The Game Room” and pick the best entry.
3. When are we going to start a family?

There’s no urgency. However I advise you to begin training right now if you haven’t yet. You might enjoy it.
4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?

Don’t invite me. I’m afraid of flying and won’t be able to attend.
5. Where are we going to register?

On the upper right corner of the main page, just left to “FAQ”. Click there.

4

BAH! What fun is that?

Honestly, I have no opinion about any of these things. None at all. I’m open to suggestions!

5
  1. Are we writing our own vows?

No. Open a contest in “The Game Room” and pick the best entry.

Hummm - this idea has merit…

6

what you might want to answer:

  1. only if I find a better one in my fantasy novels
  2. I would, but my fiance is illiterate, and that would just be awkward
  3. so two people can’t be a family?
  4. yes, but they already said they won’t come if you’re there
  5. that depends, how much are you willing to spend?

what you actually could answer (not necessarily real answers);

  1. I haven’t decided yet
  2. maybe, if we have time to write them
  3. if/when we feel ready
  4. our guest lists aren’t finalized yet
  5. bed bath and beyond

as for my votes…

  1. if you feel strongly about the custom, go with your feeling. if not, do what’s more convenient. if you have a lot of degrees or property or business in your name, it might make sense to keep it. if not, sometimes it’s more convenient to have one name for the whole family. depends on your circumstances.
  2. unless you are planning on a very traditional ceremony, I think this is nice, if kept short.
  3. if/when you feel ready and have the desire to
  4. I say, if you would feel bad missing their wedding, invite them to yours
  5. I know a lot of people in the US who have found bed bath and beyond to be convenient. they have most of what you’ll probably want, unless you like a lot of specialty items. There are a lot of them around and they have a pretty good website also. I don’t know if it’s an international chain, and if you’re not in the US I don’t know what to recommend.

that being said, what Girl From Mars said makes a lot of sense.

and finally, congratulations! and may your engagement and ensuing marriage be full of happiness and love.

7

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I love all of these. Actually, Walter and I have been making up fake names for both of us to change to. Like Alice & Walter Poodlepants. Or Alice and Walter Buttwaggler. Or Alice and Walter Catherder. It’s probably best that we’re getting married as no one else would find any of those names funny…

Honestly, I do know that at some point I’m going to have to figure some of this stuff out; however, I honestly have no opinion about any of these things. I have an opinion about EVERYTHING, and yet have no opinion about any of these things that I’m supposed to have an opinion about.

Well, maybe the last one. I suppose we’ll register at the Bay, because that’s what everyone does and it’s super easy to find and get to, and pretty well anyone in Canada has access to one so it’s not difficult if they want to get us a gift.

8

Oh all right!

  1. Am I changing my name?
    We’ve currently got an auction going on EBay - at this stage it’s either going to be Goldenpalace.com, or Manchester United.

  2. Are we writing our own vows?
    We prefer to share our feelings through the magic of interperative dance.

  3. When are we going to start a family?
    We already have - but we had to sell them - something had to pay for this shindig.

  4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
    Sure - if they can get parole, that is.

  5. Where are we going to register?
    7-11. We have this shared fantasy about a spa pool filled with slushee, which we’d love to fulfil.

9

1. Am I changing my name?
Yes, to Lewis Carroll.

2. Are we writing our own vows?
“Roses are red, violets are blue…”
“There once was a girl from Nantucket…”

3. When are we going to start a family?
On the dancefloor, during the reception. Bring a camera.

4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
Never! Bloody foreigners with their dago names at the arse end of the alphabet.

5. Where are we going to register?
At “Sex Offenders Anonymous.”

10

Well first off I am insanely jealous that my doper crush is getting married.
But to answer your questions:
1.1. Am I changing my name?
Probably, unless his name is XWEVU<<VERR$UYHV

  1. Are we writing our own vows?
    I would second
    “There once was a girl from Nantucket…”

  2. When are we going to start a family?
    Practice makes perfect, so get lots of practice.

  3. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
    Fuck no, I hate the letters at the end of the alphabet.

  4. Where are we going to register?
    Everywhere. free stuff Duh!
    Register early and register often. Did I mention free stuff?

Seriously, congrats to a great lady, I hope you will be very happy.

11

I’m getting married too, and I’ve been getting some of these questions, just not as frequently. Here are my answers:

I’m just going to tack his last name onto the end of mine. So I’ll be Nashiitashii Maidenname Lamp instead of just Nashiitashii Maidenname.

Most emphatically no. I’m not particularly attracted to the idea, and neither of us are contenders for the Pulitzer.

Haven’t really gotten this one from family or friends, but I normally skirt the question with “I’m not at a point in my life where this would be practical.” Personally, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for kids, and I’d rather regret not having them than having them. Any argument I’ve gotten from people has often been refuted with “I firmly believe that every child should be wanted and loved, and until I’m at the point where I can give both, I’m not having kids.”

I haven’t had questions about who else I’m going to invite, but I did have one lady invite herself to my wedding on the day of my mother’s memorial service… over the phone. That was REALLY awkward.

Since the economy’s a little crazy, we haven’t gotten to registering. Looked at department stores in FL over the holiday season, and realized that this was the worst possible time to try that, so we’re going to look again at the end of the month and see what’s new. So far, it appears that Macy’s, Crate and Barrel, and Williams-Sonoma are on the list of possibilities, with thoughts of maybe Home Depot as well.

12

Hey, this could be fun!

1. Am I changing my name?
“Well, I’ve always liked ‘Caroline’ instead of Alice, and Walter has always wanted to be known as ‘George,’ so this may be our chance…”

2. Are we writing our own vows?
“No, we’re typing them on the computer. It’s the 21st century, after all.”

3. When are we going to start a family?
“We’re not sure. We’re certainly practicing enough…”

4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
“Only if they promise to bring really good gifts.”

5. Where are we going to register?
“At the Comfort Inn and in English 101.”

Seriously, Alice, you’re going to get a lot of these and similar questions between now and then. I don’t know if we can really help with answers that (IMHO) should be left to you and Walter to come up with. But maybe you should ask for other “typical pre-wedding questions,” so you can be prepared for them.

13
  1. Once I’m done with immigration.
  2. No.
  3. ‘I Do’. (Pet peeve of mine–my husband is my family. Just because we don’t have kids doesn’t mean we’re not a family)
  4. Yes, no and who?
  5. Target.

I didn’t actually get asked any of this, but these probably would’ve been my answers. Well, we did get asked that last one. Which was a pain, mainly because we were coordinating across two countries.

14

Less legal fuss if you stay with your birth certificate name rather than take your hubby’s name as an alias or get your birth certificate name changed to your hubby’s name.

15

Your real name is AWESOME. Do not change it.

16

**1. Am I changing my name?
**As is traditional, I’ll be taking his name. It’s going to be weird answering to “Walter” from now on.

2. Are we writing our own vows?
We tried to, but Walter couldn’t figure out anything to follow up, “I vow to destroy your world and exterminate your species.”

3. When are we going to start a family?
Only if the stork brings them, because I’m certainly not going to have sex. Eew!

4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
I think I’ve got Y and Z worked out, but I haven’t managed to solve for X.

5. Where are we going to register?
Spencer’s Funeral Home. You’ve got to see the casket Walter picked out for me!

17

Okay, I’ll offer some non-joke suggestions:

  1. Am I changing my name?
    Whether you do it or not is up to you and your guy. But until you know, “I’m not sure yet” ought to work.

  2. Are we writing our own vows?
    There’s no reason to do this unless you really want to. So the answer will be “no” or “maybe” until you’re sure it’s a yes.

  3. When are we going to start a family?
    This one is really rude for a ton of reasons. Don’t answer it or give a non-committal “we don’t know yet” and change the subject. Stating that you and Walter are already a family is true, but will seem shrill and defensive to the kind of jerk who would ask such a question.

  4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
    “Oh, we haven’t even started thinking about the guest list!” Even if it’s not true. There is a very slight chance that someone might have some useful information to offer on the matter, so you should leave yourself open to that, but obviously discussing it openly could open lots of cans of worms.

  5. Where are we going to register?
    Now, in this case, being asked this could actually be helpful to you. “We haven’t decided yet. What do you think?” You might get some good suggestions or caveats or whatever.
    p.s. I feel for ya. I know how annoying it is to be quizzed by people who just assume you’ve been planning your wedding since you were 9 years old, just like they did. And who treat you like you’re defective if you answer questions about wedding details with “I dunno” or “I haven’t thought about it” or “The florist is good. I’m letting him figure that stuff out.” Hang in there.

18

Ok, this one was actually asked by my niece, who is 9. Of course, it was asked in front of a bunch of adults who were intently listening for the answer.

Actually, my niece seems to have most of my wedding planning done. Well, except for the fact that she wants to be driven to the church in a limo wearing her monkey pajamas to serve as flower girl.

I had to veto both the church and the limo (Walter has a 1959 Olds '98 that is going to serve car duty and I’m afraid if I stepped into a church I would burst into flames). The jury is still out on the monkey pajamas.

19

I vote yes, everyone should wear monkey pajamas! You could wear this dress. Or this one, for a more sophisticated look.

20

OMG, I love you guys so much. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face and laughing so hard I’m coughing!

I cannot be nearly as clever as everyone else, so I’ll just tell you what we did, and if you like any of these solutions, feel free to steal them.

I took my husband’s last name but changed my middle name (which I always hated anyway) to my maiden name.

We didn’t write our own vows, but my husband wrote a beautiful speech he gave during the reception. I ended up stepping on my tongue and forgot to even mention my husband in my speech, which obviously was completely unprepared! I did step back to the mic and say, “Oh yeah! And I love my new husband!” I recommend this only if you want to have a memory you can both cringe and laugh over. :slight_smile:

Everyone asked us when we were going to have kids, and while I agree it’s a very rude and intrusive question, I just said we were having fun practicing and it would happen if it happened. That usually shut people up.

Nobody asked me who we were inviting, but I’d be curious why the person is asking. Are they concerned you might forget about those people? Will they not show up if those people are there? I guess their motivation would determine how I answered.

My husband was totally opposed to “registering”, as it felt too much like asking for gifts, and he didn’t want to tell people what to buy – he wanted their gifts to be their own ideas. I was happy to bow to his feelings on this, until he finally got tired of people asking him what we wanted or could use, and he agreed that we would make our own “registry.” The compromise was, we could use item X, but we don’t want to dictate where to buy it, how much to spend on it, etc., so we just set up a website with links to various ideas; a fondue pot, cookbooks, a picnic backpack, good cooking knives, and so on. It worked great for us, but I don’t necessarily recommend it for everyone because it was actually a lot of work to create and maintain. But we were grateful for every single thing we got, whether on our list or not, and we still use almost everything we were given, 7 years later.

Mazel Tov on your impeding nuptials!