I went through the whole thing about 8 months ago, but I’ve only got some of the answers:
**1. Am I changing my name? **
“To what?” with a stunned and confused look.
I took the gentleman’s last name and I didn’t mind the hassle, but it was a little disorienting for a while.
2. Are we writing our own vows?
“Why would we want to?”
I’m actually a decent poet, but I can’t stand bad poetry and I knew I couldn’t outdo the old, traditional vows. Also, as Anne Neville pointed out, some places won’t let you write your own vows. My church wouldn’t.
3. When are we going to start a family?
“As soon as we say, “I do,”” preferably with an enigmatic smile. This answer is suitable for 9 year old nieces as well as nosy adults, since, as far as I’m concerned, the act of marriage does form a new family, even if there aren’t kids involved. Speaking of your niece, I have a suggestion for her role, but I’ll save that for a bit.
4. Are you inviting X, Y or Z to the wedding?
“Why do you ask?”
If the answer’s “Because if he’s coming then I’m not,” I’d reply with, “What a shame, we’ll miss you.” On the other hand, people could be asking this out of curiousity and they might even remind you of someone you’d like to invite but haven’t thought of yet. If there are people you may be expected to invite, but really don’t want to, having a small wedding gives you an excuse. It’s easier to explain why you didn’t invite dear old cousin Horribella if you’re inviting 60 people than if you’re inviting 300.
5. Where are we going to register?
Please do pick somewhere and put some things on it. I had reservations about doing so and I came back from my first attempt at filling out a registry with only 3 items. The thing is, people will want to give you something you like and a registry makes it easier for them. It really is something you do to make things easier for your guests, rather than a gift grab for yourself. Put some small things on there so that people on tight budgets aren’t left out and make them things you genuinely like! On the other hand, despite having a registry, we still got a couple of duplicates. We thanked both people who gave them to us and returned one of each item.
6. Where are you going on your honeymoon?
“Where do you suggest?”
If you really don’t know (I didn’t until right before the wedding and we didn’t have hotel reservations anywhere), feel free to tell people you haven’t decided yet. Who knows? You may get some good suggestions.
7. Is your dog going to participate in the ceremony?
“I hadn’t thought about that.” or “I haven’t decided.”
This is a good neutral response which will cover you with people who think it’s a wonderful idea and people who think it’s a horrible one. It isn’t something I’d consider at first, but it could be fun.
As for your niece, why not make her a bridesmaid? I don’t know how big a shindig you’re planning on, but our nieces who were between 10 and 12 were our bridesmaids and they had a blast! For girls that age, it’s an excuse to wear pretty dresses and have a fuss made over them.
Congratulations and have fun! Don’t worry about the rules, laugh at the foolish bridal magazines, the ridiculous wedding dresses in them, and the silly looks on some of the models’ faces. Remember, 90% of the nonsense people will try to tell you you have to do doesn’t matter. Enjoy the wedding, each other, your guests, and the rest of your lives. The rest is trivia.
