[QUOTE=Scribble]
[hijack] So, I have to know–how on Earth does not using a dishwasher for a couple of weeks lead to a buildup of hydrogen gas in the pipes? [/hijack]
[/QUOTE]
I don’t know. Maybe you should start a thread in GQ to see if anybody can come up with a factual answer. I considered it, but I don’t want to get to many threads going at once.
Bic lighters used to carry a warning (and maybe still do; I haven’t seen one in its packaging for a while) “Do not use near any source of heat or flame”. A source like, say, the lighter itself?
Let’s not get alarmist here. People need to understand that dihydrogen monoxide is not actually poisonous. It is dangerous because if enough of it builds up, it will displace oxygen and make it difficult to breath. Generally detection is easy enough if you know what to look for. If you see objects in you kitchen that are less dense than dihydrogen monoxide suddenly appearing at eye level, you need to vacate immediately.
On my mother’s lawnmower: Do not use as a hedgetrimmer.
Apparently the people who are stronger than I am (in order to be able to lift the lawnmower to the height of the hedges) are also significantly stupider than I am, too.
[QUOTE=brewha]
Let’s not get alarmist here. People need to understand that dihydrogen monoxide is not actually poisonous. It is dangerous because if enough of it builds up, it will displace oxygen and make it difficult to breath. Generally detection is easy enough if you know what to look for. If you see objects in you kitchen that are less dense than dihydrogen monoxide suddenly appearing at eye level, you need to vacate immediately.
[/QUOTE]
If you live in a floor higher than ground floor, you should verify the level of dihydrogen monoxyde outside before abandoning premises.
I live on a third floor, so if the flood originates outside, having to swim down through the stairs and then out would not be very healthy; OTOH, trying to swim out the window if the flood is exclusively inside would definitely hurt for a very short time.
[QUOTE=Raguleader]
NEVER Apply Tourniquet to Neck.
[/QUOTE]
But …
but …
What if I get a nosebleed?
Sleep aids that “may cause drowsiness.”
Medicines - Do not drive or opperate machinery until you know how your body reacts to this medication.
It implies that even if you have have seizures or black out, it’s O.K. to drive once you know that’s what happens.
[QUOTE=Merhouse]
Not surprising, I suppose, but the jar of peanut butter I’m staring at has this information prominently displayed:
CONTAINS PEANUTS
I guess that’s reassuring. Or something.
[/QUOTE]
I got ya beat. I’ll try to recall the brand, but I saw this warning on a bag of…you guessed it…peanuts.
I swear I read it 4 times to figure out if there was something I was missing. 
[QUOTE=Suburban Plankton]
I have a bottle of pet shampoo that proudly states that it was not tested on animals.
What, they want my dog to be a guinea pig?
[/QUOTE]
I once saw a brand of pet food whose label said something to the effect of “Tested on animals, and they liked it.”
[QUOTE=Raguleader]
When I was in AFJROTC, we recieved some training in first aid, wilderness survival, financial management, etc., and in the section of our textbooks about tourniquets was the following warning, in bold print, inside a bolded box in the middle of the page:
NEVER Apply Tourniquet to Neck.
We couldn’t decide what was more depressing: That they thought they needed to tell people this, or that they were probably right.
[/QUOTE]
Several decades ago, my dad was on the local rescue squad, and told us the story of a rookie squad member who DID try to apply a neck tourniquet to a patient with a head wound. Said rookie did not understand why the victim was making such a fuss. True story.
I remember going to a Radio Shack in the 80’s and seeing a sign on the counter (in large letters) that said something like “Don’t eat any batteries”.
Clearly there had been a lawsuit by someone saying they should have been warned… :smack:
[QUOTE=Mangetout]
I’m not sure if it is actually genuine, or just an UL, but one of the classics in this category is the warning label appearing on the packaging of a Swedish chainsaw: “DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.”
[/QUOTE]
That may help explain a mystery for me. In my early days on the Internet, I was seaching for parts for my Swedish chainsaw (Husqvarna, in case you were wondering), about half of the hits had URLs that suggested some sort of S&M site. I was more timid (and had less bandwidth) in those days, so I didn’t investigate to determine the connection. It could be that there is some sort of fetish involving genitals and chainsaws.
My 1970’s BMW 2002 service manual" “Do not attempt to remove alternator drive belt while the engine is running.”
or thos little packages of silica gel 9dissicant0 which come with anything shipped from china: WARNING-Do not allow pets or small children to eat!
Or the classic 9printed on a can of concentrated grape syrup, sold during the US prohibition of Alcohol (1919-1933): Warning; Do not mix with water and allow to ferment-this will result in the liquid turning into wine.
[QUOTE=ralph124c]
WARNING-Do not allow pets or small children to eat!
.
[/QUOTE]
Large children-hey, its okay.
We have a coffeemaker that warns that it is not intended for use in a dishwater.
“Well, that’s OK, I wasn’t planning on brewing coffee in the dishwasher anyway.”
I think “serving suggestions” on packaged food are often amusing.
“Why yes, I was actually planning on putting the cereal into a bowl. And eat it with a spoon. Maybe a little milk and sugar too…yeah, that seems right.”
[QUOTE=Spectre of Pithecanthropus]
I think “serving suggestions” on packaged food are often amusing.
“Why yes, I was actually planning on putting the cereal into a bowl. And eat it with a spoon. Maybe a little milk and sugar too…yeah, that seems right.”
[/QUOTE]
I’d like to see something that says “Serving Requirement”. That way if the folks at Ritz find out that you don’t have perfectly sized squares of ham and Swiss cheese on the crackers when you eat them, they send some people to take them away from you.
You know what’s another good one? “Enlarged to Show Texture”. No kidding. I thought there were only maybe 4 giant Doritos in this bag. Thanks for letting me know these are the normal sized ones.
There was this bottle of bug spray my parents had called “Off! Skintastic! For Kids!”
With HUGE letters underneath it that said “KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN!”
Okay, I get why, but it still struck my errant sense of humor.
Every time I see a “Do not try this at home” disclaimer, I have to chuckle, because it’s normally something so stupid that I’d never think to actually do it myself - and I know somewhere, someone is going to. And I can only hope that I’m there to watch.
~Tasha
[QUOTE=Cluricaun]
I’d like to see something that says “Serving Requirement”. That way if the folks at Ritz find out that you don’t have perfectly sized squares of ham and Swiss cheese on the crackers when you eat them, they send some people to take them away from you.
[/QUOTE]
[Mitch Hedburg] Ah, come on man I bought Ritz because I like crackers - Not because the are little edible plates. [/MH]
Nephew’s school menu went like this
**
THURSDAY**
BBQ Pork Rib Sandwich*
Fries
Relish Cup
Milk
*May contain pork.