If you’re sitting closer to the aisle: “Remember that hot dog you ordered? Yeah, I licked that.”
“And that cola? You might call it an ‘iced tea’ if you get my drift.”
Barry Bonds is all natural.
cf’75
“OK! So who wants to buy me a beer?”
“I just lurve me some Barry Bonds!”
“Meh. The book was better.”
“This is boring. Wanna play Twister?”
“Yes, Britney’s pregnant again, and I did it.”
(I hope someone from Letterman’s staff will be browsing this thread…)
—point at neighbor’s hot dog—
“Are you going to eat your condiments?”
Betcha a five I can fart louder and longer than you
The topic is weird things, not normal things.
Oh. My bad.
“Wow, this is nothing like the Ken Burns documentary.”
Busch: Denkinger Rules!
“If our team wins, do we get to tear down the foul poles?”
Kauffman Stadium: Who am I kidding, there’s no one else here.
Dodger Stadium: “I’m staying until the game is over.”
cf’75
“So, uh, who’s playing?”
“Can I borrow your comb for a minute?”
“OH MY GOD! I FOUND A FINGER IN MY NACHOS!!!”
“Why, Santa Claus it’s you! . . . May I eat your skin?”
“Hey baby, ya wanna see my footlong?”
“I just know they’ll win. I did the special chant and have the bobble head doll up my ass and everything.”
“Wanna see my impression of Morgana, the kissing bandit?”
“Those lying bastards! This is pork and beef, not dog at all!”
“This pretzel reminds me of my last girlfriend. I can lick the salt from its dead skin, and then violate its lower hole.”
“What’s your license plate number? I wanno go take a dump on your hood.”
“Spoon!”
A man moves from Scotland to the US and attends his first baseball game. After a base hit he hears the fans roaring, “Run! Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-r-un, yah bloody bahstard. R-r-run!”
A third batter cracks a hard liner and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, “RRRun, yah bloody bahstard, rrrrun, why don’t ya???”
The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the umpire calls,“Take your base.” The Scotsman stands up, yelling, “RRRun, ya bahstard, rrrun!” All the surrounding fans giggle quietly so he sits down, very much confused.
A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers, “He doesn’t have to run, he’s got four balls.”
The Scotsman stands up in disbelief and shouts, “Wahlk with prrrride, man!”
–Old Joke–
Jim
“The nye Mets are my favorite squadron.”
Barry Bonds signed my pee pee.
Wanna see?
Or a non verbal idea …
Stand up and sit down real quick. Get up again and jump around, turning your head in different directions as you do. Stand real still and slowly turn your head one way then quickly swing it back the other. Hold your hands up over your eyes and peer thru your fingers. Walk up and down the stairs while bobbing up and down and jerking your head back and forth.
you’re looking for a spaceship, you see …
“I dare you to moon the Jumbotron camera.”
Yell at everyone around you. Tell them to shut up because you can’t hear any of the dialogue.