“Great game, huh? Mind if I rub your back?”
“So, do you think that story about Babe Ruth and the gerbil is true?”
“My favorite part of coming to the ball game is seeing the pitcher’s mound.”
Do these sticks of tnt make my butt look fat?
Said to my friend a few weeks ago, by a much older woman:
“nice nuts”.
He wasn’t holding the bag of peanuts at the time.
He spent the rest of the game trying to trade seats with someone.
Look all around your seat and then say, “Wow! they sure did a good job cleaning up all the blood!”
“Have ya found the Lord?”
“My pee tube itches. Do you have an extra Q-tip?”
Damn… these colostomy bags get full FAST!
(best said right after your seatmate takes a big bite of his hotdog)
I can see my house from here
“I’ve got to go take care of something. Would you keep an eye on my clothes while I’m gone?”
“When’s halftime?”
“Do you happen to know the backup second baseman’s VORP?”
“Why did that man just throw the ball at that other man’s head? He could have hurt him! Where’s a policeman?”
My boss at the aviary told me to take some time off to recover from the flu, so I decided to take in a ball game.
Wonder how often they dig up home plate to see who all is buried there
Yankee Stadium Bleechers: Got any extra D-cell batteries?
Fenway Park: So this is the house that Ruth built?
Wrigley: Is this the section to grab fly balls on the warning track?
Dodger Stadium: Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Pac Bell: Got a light?
PNC: I miss 3 Rivers, those yellow uniforms & those ribbed caps.
Wait a minute were you sitting next to me last year? 
“Do you want to jump into the safety net with me?”
Shea: JE-TER! JE-TER! JE-TER!
Citizens Bank Park: Yeah, my cousin’s J.D. Drew. And I was in Scott Rolen’s wedding.
Wrigley: So, where can I buy a Lou Brock jersey?
Tell me, my dear fellow, what are the principles of this somewhat un-usual past-time? I tell you, when my manservant booked me the tickets, I was quite perplexed. Is it anything like cricket?
If, God forbid, they answer “Yes”, follow it up with:
“Where was He?”
I say, that man struck that orb quite forcefully with his cudgel. They should remove those walls so the spectators can see just how far it flew.