[to a hitchhiker]
So, how far did you think you were going?
Do you want to know a secret?
When they say yes you then tell them to tell one first.
Works every time.
I normally don’t talk to zombies, but…
What the fuck are you looking at?
Are you Pennywise or Poundfoolish?
The fat man sings on the bridge at midnight.
You look more like you do now than last time I saw you.
Hey, I remember you. I’ve been plotting revenge for 15 years, so you might want to start running now.
Are you the ET I’m supposed to meet?
Where can a guy get a good glass of tranya around here?
You’ve come to me… with a new face…
Agga blag blag!?
I do not mean to pry… but you do not, by any chance, happen to have six fingers on your left hand?
Life makes a lot more sense if you believe in reincarnation.
Would you like to buy a pound of nitrogen triiodide? Promise not to throw any of it at you.
JESUS H GODDAMN MOTHERF…
Sorry, didn’t see you there.
…UCKING CHRIST!
(This was actually a character’s first line from the 80s tear-jerker Terms of Endearment) “Nice to meet you. I hear you have cancer.”
And from my own collection of sure-fired conversation starters:
“Wow, that’s some fragrant farts you have there. What have you been eating?”