Sorry, Cliffy, that came of as way nastier than I intended it.
Nope. Never been cheated on. Not me, no way. Nu-uh. And if it did happen, I’m sure I’d handle it with grace and composure.
What the…what’s happening to my nose!
I think there is no saving this thread.
Moved from IMHO to the Pit.
Well, at least I tried.
(logs out with head held high)
And in keeping with my policy of not going to the Pit, I won’t be reading or replying to this anymore. Sorry to all of you who wanted to get a burn in. It won’t be read. But have fun!
: sigh :
Oh, alright.
Wife of 13 years got tired of me not being who I was when we got married and fell in love with a guy who was a lot like I used to be. They got it on, I figured it out, had a nervous breakdown or two and moved out and plotted a divorce. Shortly thereafter she dumped him and agreed to work on patching things up. Wasn’t working, I played the divorce card a year later, she flinched, improved her character considerably and here we are: still married, very different people from who we were when we got married, not in love but raising the three little kids in a tolerable, non-hostile atmosphere with “That lovin’ feeling” relegated to the shelf along with childhood innocence and high school lust–just another feeling from the past no longer available to either of us by decision.
–Inigo
So, can anyone ever reform from having cheated? According to the way I read most of these responses, apparently the consensus is no. And I find that a little scary, because surely then, that’ll like wipe out the largest part of the dating pool, right? Plus it seems to mean shit for rehabilitation and forgiveness, doesn’t it?
Too late for your story now,** Inigo**! I think we have to curse and stuff. Crap.
Well, in my case it’s like this: I have forgiven all, but I can’t forget. In fact The Other Guy still plays a part in my dreams at least twice a month, and I think about the affair every day and it was about 20 months ago. My wife still longs for the emotional aspect of what they had, but not for him. We both know the past is past, that mistakes were made and that we won’t be feeling the depth of love for one another that we once did, and we have agreed to not seek or accept that feeling from anyone else. We have focused our attention on the kids and on providing the best environment for them that we can. It’s not a “good” marriage, but it’s better than many.
I think it’s possible to reform from cheating; I think saving a relationship from the cheating is much harder. It’s like any trust issue. Once your trust is compromised, it’s very very difficult to get it back and you both have to work at it and be willing to make certain sacrifices for it. And once compromised, you can try to fix it, but it’ll never be the same relationship. No matter how well you adjust after, you’ll both remember what happened.
Oh yeah…fuck.
Hear, hear! I heartily endorse this sentiment.
How the hell do you know what he was acting on?? Cyber-guess? Are you such an enormous nerd that you develop a stronger ability to read minds with every hour spent evaluating relationships on an internet message board?
Shut the fuck up.
That sucks.
I love you too, but that’s all that can happen… if I have an affair on the Dope, ZipperJJ would turn me in, and then the wife would burning my house, FordMotorCar and two yapping dogs.
I have a hard time believing that a man who would install tracking software on his SO’s computer would resist the temptation to read this thread.
I’ve been cheated on once that I know about, by a long term boyfriend. I suspected as much and finally received confirmation from our mutual friend, who like wasson, decided I deserved to know the truth. And I did deserve to know the truth. All of you who want to throw stones at wasson, let me tell you that I was very glad I was told the truth. I needed to know who he was.
I’m now in a 20 year relationship with a man that I trust implicitly (whom I would have never met had I not broken up with the cheater). I’ve never had a reason to suspect my husband has cheated on me, nor have I ever cheated on him. And the difference in ME is profound. I’ve never rooted through his personal e-mail or opened his mail, and I don’t scrutinize his phone bill. I don’t need to because he has given me the gift of trust.
See, at the end of the day, it wasn’t my SO’s cheating that I couldn’t live with. It was who I became because I couldn’t trust him anymore. All that stuff that wasson did, I understand. Hell, I snuck into my ex’s house and stole his mail because he’d destroy his credit card statements so I wouldn’t see incriminating charges. I was the psycho bitch girlfriend from hell. And he was the asshole cheater from hell. (We made a lovely pair.) And now I can look back on who I was and be eternally grateful that we finally ended it instead of perpetuating the endless drama that was our life together.
There’s no substitution for feeling secure and being able to like yourself. Because when I was in that relationship, I don’t know who I hated worse: him or me.
I feel for you, wasson.
They might not know you, but they know what you’ve done in this situation, and thay’re judging you because of it.
I’m not interested in weighing in on whether what you did was right or not, because you don’t appear very interested in hearing opinions that you don’t agree with. Every time someone criticizes you, you get all defensive and tell them that they don’t really know you.
Sorry, fool, but if you don’t want to hear opinions you don’t like from people who don’t know you, then don’t post your fucking story on a large public message board.
I read the OP and about 3/4 of the first page.
Forgive ne for not “quoting”.
I wish you the best. I have been cheated on by two girlfriends and took them both back. And they cheated again. They cheated because they did not love/respect me enough. And I guess you are aware that you cannot make someone love or respect you. All you can do is set up safeguards so that you can find out if they cheat. When they cheat. She will.
You have set up the perfect storm of a relationship to make yourself miserable for the foreseeable future. You got involved with a woman who has a penchant for cheating, as evidenced by her dalliance with your buddy. Then you thought she would change for you. Be faithful and loving. Then, when things got rough she was sweet talked (yeah right) by your buddy into slipping out of her pants and into his. Do you really think that during the foreplay, when she is giving special attention to his nether regions, getting things revved up for the main event, that she never realized what she was doing was wrong? She knew. She just didn’t care. She was fucking a man with a pregnant wife, and she couldn’t be bothered to care.
And to discover her breach of the integrity to your relationship, you committed one of your own. You violated her because you expected she had violated you. Does this sound like a recipe for a succesful relationship? Nope.
She is going to have a new email that you will not be aware of. Because you know what? While you may be a a self professed “great guy”, you don’t offer her what she needs. Probably no one can. And you expect her to “change”. Good luck with it all.
But more troubling is that you are keeping her around, partially because you don’t have other friends right now. Grow a pair and go out and meet new friends! Don’t hold yourself hostage to a life of insecurity and misery at her hand because you can’t be alone for a while. Sign up for a class somewhere to meet people. Get a puppy and take him to the park. MEET PEOPLE WHO WILL TREAT YOU DECENTLY. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
This is how this is going to end. She is going to cheat and you will not know about it. You will eventually discover it. This may happen twice even. You will convince her to come back each time and she will pledge her loyalty. Then one day she will say she is leaving and she has been cheating again. You will be crying and blubbering to her, “How can you do this to me after I have been so good to you”? Ultimately the answer will be that she does not respect you, and she has found someone new.
Check back with us and keep us posted. I guarantee my prediction with 95% certainty.
Yeah right.
When I was 20 years old I had been dating a girl for about 3 years. I found out she was banging my best friend. Buddy and I lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same college, played in a band, went on roadtrips…etc etc…
I dropped them both like a hot rock. What need do I have of people who don’t respect me enough not to toy with my emotions and keep from fucking when I am not around?
Not only did I give up buddy, but our entire circle of friends. They all knew, but kn one spoke up for me. It was hard. I had to go out and forge a new life.
But I was not going to make myself emotionally vulnerable to anyone who put their own physical urges ahead of my well being…
*My girlfriend cheated on me with my friend, who I just trashed, and can’t stand.
I told him that I was going to tell his wife if he didn’t tell her first.
I just “feel” that it’s for her own good.
Oh, but, I’m not acting on revenge. I’m actually a wonderful guy. I’m actually a wonderful guy. *
Yeah, right. It must be my mind-reading skills.