Background: I’m a gay asexual virgin, dude in question is bisexual and genderfluid.
I met this dude several weeks ago and have been texting every since. My asexuality is of the “touchy only, nothing goes IN anything” and not really caring about sex. He, on the other hand, is a self declared hypersexual. All communication has been through text and I thought we’d reached an agreement on what was to transpire.
This night he started getting more pushy with the “action” talk, culminating in a dick pick. I thought we’d established “hands only” until he insinuated I should use my mouth because who knows when the “moment will bring”. He also said I should consider “just the tip”.
I snapped at him that it wasn’t okay and that if we got together and he attempted anything, he’d be in a world of hurt. He then got all defensive and accused me, a man, of thinking all “dick owners are rapists” and that I’d used him for the dick pic.
It all started with “lets cuddle and touch” and ended with this disaster.
Off the bat, you two don’t seem like a match. Don’t ever think you can change people. Keep looking for someone more compatible.
That’s how I read it. Right from the get go you made it clear that nothing was to penetrate anything (as well as being asexual). He, on the other hand while being hypersexual, asked for a blowjob and ‘just the tip’.
The entire conversation should have been shut down right there. Even if it was just with a simple ‘sorry, I don’t think this is going to work out, good luck with your search’.
Clearly, things just escalated. I can tell you my interpretation of it, but no matter how I read it, someone else will read it differently and in the end it doesn’t matter so there’s not much point in bickering over that.
Learn from it and move forward. You know what you want and next time someone pushes you past that and you’re in a place that you can so easily walk away (ie only texting, never met him, this isn’t face to face and/or at someone’s house), just do it. No point in arguing with him since he/they are just going to (continue) try to convince you to go down the path you’re not interested in.
Lesson learned. You probably don’t realize this since you’re asexual, but one’s libido can be very strong. And while “cuddle and touch” can be nice, it’s just not going to be enough for most.
That said, this doesn’t excuse anyone from respecting the other person’s boundaries. I just think you need ton find a partner who’s sexual preferences match your own. (Among other things)
It seems to me that an asexual and a hypersexual trying to have a cuddle party is just going to piss everyone off.
Aren’t there any other nice asexual cuddlers out there?
OK, one more thought.
There is a subset of men who are up for some male-male sexing, but can’t really admit it. So they won’t get together with a guy with a plan to hook up. Instead they get together with a guy with no plan and then one thing leads to another, how’d that happen.
So in defense of your hypersexual friend, his read of the situation was probably that you were a guy with some conflicts about your sexuality, and that once you’re together and cuddling with a hardon one thing would lead to another. So it’s all “No gay sex for me, no thank you!” when the guy isn’t hard, suddenly turning to “Fuck me harder” when he gets a boner, whipsawing back to “Gay sex, yuck!” after he comes.
Of course, that’s not you. But if you really had got together with Mr Hypersexual, that’s what he would have assumed, all he had to do was wait until you got a boner and suddenly your resistance to parts going into parts would vanish. So you’re lucky he was so upfront about his sexual aggressiveness.
Seriously … a good looking “gay, asexual virgin” is pretty much going to be irrestible candy to gay men with normal sex drives. It’s always going to end with someone making a move.
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