Well, That Was A Little Unexpected

So I went to down to the college today to pick up my books and figure out where I need to go next week. I parked my car and as I was getting out a little old lady in a little old lady car pulls up next to me.

‘Excuse me, do you know where the art center is? I am supposed to be there and I am going to be late.’ says the sweet little old white haired lady who appears to be about 75.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t know where that is.’ I reply.

‘God D*** MotherFing Son of a Bitch! I’m going to be late! I Hate THIS FING TOWN! LAS VEGAS FING SUCKS! I NEED TO GET TO THE GD FING CCSN ART CENTER AND I CAN"T FIND IT AND I AM GOING TO BE LATE G******D IT!’ yells the sweet (looking at least) little old lady.

'Well, you are at the right place. If you go inside and ask someone should be able to point to the right building."

‘Oh, thank you,’ says little old lady. ‘I JUST HATE THIS FING TOWN. I’m sorry, I am not upset with you BUT I FING HATE THIS G****** TOWN. I CAN NEVER FIND A FING THING IN THIS FING G******D TOWN!’.

So I park, wander into the book store as little old lady drives off. I pick up my books (almost crying at the price) and then head over to find the class room. Instead of wandering around I head over to the front counter to ask for directions. At the front counter I see the little old lady.

The little old lady asks the woman at the counter, in her sweet little old lady voice, ‘Do you know where the art show is at?’

The woman at the counter replies ‘No’.

‘G***** Mother F****** SON OF A B*****! I need to find the art show, I AM ALREADY F***ING LATE!’ states the little old lady.

‘Well, ma’am, you should check over there’ says the woman at the counter while pointing to another building.

‘Oh, thank you,’ replies little old lady, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you, it’s just that I AM LATE FOR THE FING GD SHOW! I HATE THIS MOTHERING TOWN!I HAVE O GET MY FING PAINTING IN THAT F*ING SHOW AND I AM LATE!’

Little old lady wandered off in search of her show at that point.

I didn’t quite expect that.



She was in line behind me at the grocery store the other day, only she didn’t the hell know if she had the right gd kind of peanuts to make her gd peanut brittle.

Was it bad to laugh out loud at the story? (I mean, if she has Tourette’s.)

I know next to nothing about Tourettes, by the way.

Normally I hate swearing like this f*** but for some reason it made it funnier in the OP.

I had an older relative who at or around the same age lost the ability to self edit - or just stopped caring. She’d be getting change from a purchase and ask the clerk if she didn’t know that a good doctor could remove that wart from her face. Stuff like that which prior to that she would NEVER have said out loud. Thought? Sure. Said? Never.

Maybe the same is true for the lady in the OP. Who among us hasn’t thought"Where the f*** are my g******* m************ keys?" while saying “Hmm. Now where’d I leave those keys?”. Perhaps, after years of keeping it all to herself she just can’t anymore.

Why am I picturing Samuel L. Jackson in old lady drag?



I do not know if she found the G**D MOTHERING show or not. I left though I did think it might have been funny to follow her around for a bit.

I don’t think she had Tourettes. When she inserted the apologies to me and the lady at the counter it was in a totally normal tone of voice inserted into the middle of her rant. I can totally believe that she has an impluse control problem. On the bright side, it made my day. I was driving around afterwards muttering to myself ‘I’m LATE FOR MY GODD*D MOTHERFING SHOW!’ then I’d start laughing.


That’s hilarious!

I was in the supermarket the other day standing in line and there was a woman about 30ish very nicely dressed standing behind me.

Her 7 or 8 year old son joined her in line and she said “where were you? I’ve been looking all over the store for you.”

He said very matter of factly, “I was down that F_ _ _ _ING aisle over there.”

She didn’t bat an eye. I almost fell over.

Sounds like my MIL. She calls her physician “Dr. Prick”, she tells my husband to go fuck himself (in the most loving possible way). She calls people cocksuckers. She’s 83 years old!

If more art shows had F***ING paintings, they’d get much better attendance.

Hey, cut her a break. She’s an Art Critic, after all. Nobody hates to miss the wine and brie buffet. :wink:

I always find it vaguely amusing when folks find older folks who curse to be somehow shocking or surprising. As though the words quoted ( most cleverly, by the by !! ) in the OP are only used by those 30 years of age or younger.

It’s to be envied, in a way. That kind of rant might be deemed trashy in a 30 year old but was amusingly coarse in an elderly woman.

I can see her now. Someone calls her on her language and she tartly retorts, " So, you think you’re the only one who knows what a motherfucker is, eh ? "



I dont’ know. The heat generated by the friction of all that canvas rubbing together would probably set the gallery on fire. And how would you handle all the baby paintings running around?

I’ve known two people with Tourette’s, and their cursing just happened randomly, not (grammatically) appropriate, as in the OP. I think this lady either had some other mental syndrome going on, or possibly she was just playing the little-old-lady card.

Not likely. The small subset of people with Tourette’s Syndrome who involuntarily shout obscenities* don’t tend to use them to pepper otherwise normal sentences. You’d be more likely to hear “Excuse me, SH** do you know where I can F*** F*** SH** find the art F*** center” out of one of those people, and they’d likely be extremely embarrassed by it.

She was probably just a little old lady who really, really doesn’t like Las Vegas.

*Most of the time, Tourette’s syndrome manifests itself through facial or body tics, and involuntary clicking, sniffling, or coughing sounds. Unfortunately, because shouting obscenities is so much funnier and so much of a social no-no, it’s the “symptom” that most people connect with Tourette’s. There’s some Tourette’s sufferers in the family (facial tics), so I’m used to fighting the ignorance. Carry on.

I always had a hard time finding places in Las Vegas, too. That’s what happens when you have a diagonal main drag. Now, if I wanted to find a slot machine, THAT was easy. Just had to go down to the convenience store or laundromat.

The last time I was in Las Vegas, the Las Vegas Museum of Art featured BOB GUCCIONE: A RETROSPECTIVE.

I stopped and stared at the signage for a few minutes, utterly gobsmacked and only just then truly grokking how deeply “other” Las Vegas is.


Heh. Reminds me of how I (and my cousins) learned to swear. When people today complain about the language on TV and how young kids pick up all these naughty words, I like to inform them that I learned to swear from my grandmother.

She had a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush.

Maybe that was her at the art center.

Heh. While my great-aunt only spoke Hindi, she was of the same calibre. God, her mouth was filthy. Shocked the hell out of me, let me tell you. But oh, how I loved her, and she loved all her grandkids and grand-nieces and nephews.

She’s dead now. Rest in peace, biji!