Well, this hits a little too close to home...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Some backstory to start:. I have an aunt who has one child. She would have more, but she tends to deliver them too early. About two weeks after Mrs.darian got pregnant, my aunt got pregnant again. They’ve both been encouraging each other, since they both have been really wanting their kids. Hers is a girl. Ours is a boy. They would be second cousins. About a week and a half ago, my aunt’s water bag tore. She’s been in the hospital since.
Fast forward to Wednesday the 15th. She was in the bathroom, and her umbilical cord prolapsed. She got taken to have an emergency Cesarean. The baby came early (very early) Thursday morning. Her name was Cassandra. Cassandra was doing pretty good for only being 28 weeks. They had gotten the corticosteroids in to help her lungs develop the night her water bag tore. Later Thursday her lungs collapsed. Around 10:30 in the morning they pulled her life support. At 11:00 she left. Words do not exist to describe what has been going through my mind since then. I feel an incredible amount of guilt for being glad that it wasn’t my son, but at the same time I don’t care. For the record, Mrs.darian is 30 weeks pregnant as of yesterday.

This week has really sucked.
In Memory
Cassandra Castro
16 August 2001

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Oh, darian00, I’m so sorry for your aunt. How sad to lose a child, especially one that is so wanted. I hope all goes well with Mrs. darian’s pregnancy.

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I have also felt, not survivor’s guilt, but survivor’s father’s guilt. I feel bad for all involved but try not to let it color your own joy. But how to allow yourself to be happy in the presence of the grieving party is something I haven’t entirely worked out.

{{{{{All of the Darian Family}}}}}