No… not really. But it’s a nice thought.
Last night I went out to a club downtown. The scene was kinda slow, so I went up to the bar and was hanging out with my friend and bartender Kirby. ((Interesting name… even moreso because it’s my middle name.)) Anyway, he’s a match short of being absolutely flaming, so I love talking to him. He’s a riot.
Then this nice young man comes up to me and asks if I want to do a shot with him.
Duh.
He buys some shot that tastes like peaches, and sits down next to me.
Okay… that’s cool.
I continue to shoot the shit with Kirby who’s talking about this “Pot-Brownie” he ate and how he’d never had one before and what fun it was. I was explaining to him that “I wish” and “What I wouldn’t give for a big fat bong-load right about then.” when Nick, the nice young man, puts his hand on my shoulder and asks if I wanna do another shot.
Sure. He’s got really strong hands.
We do another shot… this one tastes like banana. “So, you like this music?” he says to me. Then it dawns on me. He’s not being overly nice for no reason. ((So I’m slow on the pick-up… leave me alone.))
“Umm… I don’t think I play for the same team you do. But I appreciate the drinks.” I say. He smiles.
“That’s cool. Maybe we should do another shot to make sure tho’.”
Wow… do I look like a booze-whore? Might wanna find a different line there sweetheart.
Out loud I say, “Umm… no thanks. I’ve got my Sapphire. I’m good to go.”
“Do one anyway.” Then he buys two more shots and sets one in front of me. Far be it for me to let good liquor go to waste, I take the shot.
Some more inane banter between Kirby and me, and my other friends want to leave. So we do. All this leads up to the point I’m trying to make. ((See, bear with me and I’ll eventually explain the thread title.)) As I’m walking out, I’m thinking to myself,
G-d, I really wish I was gay. He was a handsome guy. So is Kirby for that matter. They both like me. I coulda stayed and prolly had a hell of a time with both of them.
You see, this is not an isolated incident. I get hit on a lot by guys when I go out. I don’t know. Maybe I have a gay vibe. Maybe it’s more sterotypical as I tend to dress up a bit more. ((Prophet says I get “Ho’d out.”)) And I act a lot more sensitive than most of my guy friends. Maybe it’s just me. But, if I were gay, I have to believe I’d get so much more action than I do now. I’d have so many more people to choose a “mate” from. I’d prolly be a thousand times less lonely. And lord knows I’d drink for free a lot more often. All of these good things. Not to mention the fact that my luck with the ladies recently… <cough> okay… my luck with ladies for a while now has been… well… non-existant.
Three small problems tho’… One, I don’t like dick very much. ((I don’t say “at all”, because well, I like mine.)) Two, I love pussy. Mmm… pussy. <no grin smiley could even possibly hope to maybe properly convey the message here> And lastly, even if I could make myself “love the cock” I’m still in the military, and they kinda have a hang up about that.
Oh well. Just thought I’d share a story and a few random thoughts I’ve been having recently. Any comments?
Well, it would have worked out lovely save for the fact that I’m not a lesbian. When I told him nicely that I date Men he turned 3 shades of red and said he thought my open-mindedness was due to my being into women - whoa.
