I’m the only one who read the title as " What are the duties of a beast man?" right? All I could think of was " I don’t know, scare the shit out of hikers?" :eek:
Depending on the circumstances and logistics, you might have a BIT of a busy day. Check on the groom at a reasonable hour (ie: make sure you know where he is). You might also be called upon to go get ice, or pick up a cake, or wrangle some relative from the airport - or find someone to delegate these tasks upon.
If the couple doesn’t leave in their finery, get the dress put away (ask the aunts and siblings and MOO to get all that stuff together) and get the groom’s tux back in the bag and back to the rental place (if it’s a rental) the next day.
Our Best Man did several of the above AND stashed a roll of paper towels and a bottle of windex and a bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses in our getaway car. We split the reception in a cloud of birdseed, drove up a mountain to see the sunset and have a private toast, and cleaned the decorations off the car. It was the best day of my life.
I HIGHLY recommend the scenario in the OP - Do NOT have the Bachelor Party the night before the event, no matter what. Have the rehearsal dinner the night before. Good food, some ZZZZZZZZs, some juice and coffee in the AM.
Do the drunken revelry thing (or the low-key get-together) a week or two before. Gives one time to get his equilibrium back.
Good luck. By the way (I haven’t looked), I’m sure there are zillions of ‘best man’ speeches posted on the www - you could find one you really liked and use it as a template for the one you are preparing for your couple. Swap out names and anecdotes, steal a joke or two, etc. If you are looking for guidance, look at what other folks have done and borrow the framework.
Dang it, I opened this thinking it was “What are the duties of a Beast Man?” :smack:
That is the funniest drive-by non-sequiter I have ever read on these boards. There are tears in my eyes and salad on my keyboard.
Thank you.
And, dang it again, as I totally missed that elfkin477 had the exact same thought (and a funnier line). :smack: :smack:
I would say that depending on the groom and especially the bride, just don’t drink until after the toast. While you are supposed to do many things in your capacity as BM, you are also there to celebrate your friend’s wedding. So have fun and drink, but don’t embarass yourself. Certainly not before the toast.
Enjoy and good luck scoping out the bridesmaids. 
Check with the bride or groom (I’d ask her, personally, you’d be astounded at some of the things some grooms don’t know about their own weddings) if they’re having a ring bearer. If so, you most likely won’t be responsible for the ring. Some people have fake rings on the pillow and the BM and MOH are responsible for the real ones, though, so be sure to ask. Also ask if they’re even having a reception line; some people don’t. If they are having one, though, you’ll almost certainly have to stand there shaking hands and making small talk for a bit. It’s no big deal, though. It’s just standing there introducing yourself over and over and over and over again.
Yes, if there are no sharp-tongued old ladies designated to ride herd on the wedding party (this is one of my strongest recommendations for brides), you need to keep the groomsmen from wandering off.
No, you are certainly not expected to pay vendors from your own pocket, and in a lot of cases a family member (like the bride’s dad) has been designated to deliver checks and such, so you may not need to deal with this. If you are expected to do this, you’ll be provided with checks beforehand.
Signing the license is even less of a deal than the receiving line. You sign you name on one of the lines that says “Witness” (and maybe again if they’re getting a copy to keep for themselves). That’s it. No fuss, no muss.
Hosting the reception isn’t such a big deal, either. After the bride and groom leave, the reception’s usually about over. A lot of people leave as soon as the get-away car is out of sight (and would leave earlier if it wouldn’t be rude), and most of the others start wandering toward the door soon afterward. Basically, you’re just the guy any tail-end problems get addressed to. And you might not even be that, as the FOB is often stuck dealing with these issues.
Be nice to everyone, which should go without saying, but especially the parents. They’ve had as much stress as everyone else involved in the wedding (sometimes moreso) and it’s been a very emotional day for them.
And yes, expect the unexpected. No wedding anywhere has ever gone exactly according to plan, so be ready to roll with the punches.
Decorating the car:
Tempra paint works very well on the windows and the paint of a car.
Nicely visible, but washes off later.
Another thing that certainly applies at Irish weddings (don’t know about the states) is looking after any presents cards that are brought directly to the reception - usually there will be a room you can put them in but it is important to make sure that little things like envelopes (which could contain cash/ cheques) are kept carefully and also that the right cards stay attached to the right presents. It could be embarassing for the bride and groom if they forget someone in the thank you notes who actually brought a present or thank someone for the wrong present.