Waverley, I’m cracking up here. I love your posts. 
I forgot one:[ul][*]Move to Seattle, make $MM’s as an angst afflicted grunge rocker.[/ul]
You could try carrying around a photograph of you and your parents, so you can say, “no, really, this is what we look like normally…”
If you’re a miserable bastard, unless you’re fabulously rich nobody will suck up to you to get money from you when you die…
Anyone else wanna add anything?