what are the jokes to these two punchlines?

[Freejooky]

1. “I don’t know about the other two, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson.”

2. “Paddy O’Furniture” (meant to sound like “Patio Furniture”)

[Q.E.D]

1. Willie Nelson:

This lady was a big fan of Elvis. And to show this, she decided to go and get a tattoo on her upper thigh. She went to the tattoo parlor and had it done. When the guy finished she look at it and said “That is not Elvis, it looks more like Roy Orbison! I’m not giving you a penny!” The tattoo guy tells her that he’ll make another one on the other leg and she would only have to pay for one. She agreed. When he finished, she said the same thing and that she wasn’t going to pay for either of them. The man says “You’re gonna have to pay for one of them. How about if I got a total stranger off the street, and if he says one of the tattoos looks like Elvis, then you will have to pay for one of them.” She agreed, again. They got an old man in and asked him who he thought the tattoos looked like, and the man said “I don’t know who the two twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson!”

2. Paddy O’Furniture:

Q: What’s Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
A: Paddy O’Furniture!

[Hemlock]

In the version I remember (the ‘plot’ was different but of no consequence) the lady was a redhead with Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcker tattoos on either thigh, and the answer was “the one in the middle is Boris Bekker”.

That was a while ago. How long back does this joke go???

[vetbridge]

“Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.”

[MLS]

I heard the second one as “What’s Irish and stays out all night?” Same difference.

[cabdude]

“Do you think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?”

[postcards]

So I bit him!

[Q.E.D]

“Crunchy bird, my ass!”

[Sublight]

The first time I heard the Wille Nelson joke, the tattoos were of Paul McCartney and John Lennon. I suppose in Russia they told the same joke with Stalin and Kruschev tattoos and Karl Marx in the middle.