Okay, lets try again without the TMI.
I’m talking about the stuff that the private investigators, and other “insiders” know, but that would make those of us in the general public go “I never thought of that!” For example I heard somewhere (its been years so I can’t recall exactly where, but I think it was an expert on an Oprah like venue) that sudden increases in your SO’s sex drive can be a sign of cheating. This was offered without explaination, and I remember thinking “that doesn’t compute.”
I can tell you how we knew my brother was “chasing” some girl. From what I hear, a lot of it applies to extramarital dates as well. Prior to this, bro had had a lot of female friends whom he would escort to parties, carry shopping bags and whatnot, but never one that he’d been interested on as a girlfriend. They’ve been married 5 years, now, and he was pretty pissed when he “dropped the bomb” that he had a girl and Dad said “oh, I know, your mother told me about two months ago! So she said ‘yes’?” (to dating, not to getting married, eh, at that point)
So we knew he was seeing someone and that the someone was from the big town, and judging by when it had all started we also knew they’d met at the multi-parish Easter celebrations so she was also a “kumbaya” kind of girl, and of course Mom had talked with some of the catechists who had attended the celebrations and pared it down to two possibles: they were from the big town, it was their first time in that kind of meeting, and they had the kind of looks bro likes. One of the catechists had tried to think of girls that bro had talked a lot with, but like Mom told her “all of them, my dear, he certainly ain’t shy.”
Oh, and my aunt figured out that her husband took advantage of business trips to go whoring… because he talked in his sleep :smack:
A coworker who used to sing flamenco in bars stopped doing it one day when he was getting ready to come out, took a look at the room and saw one guy from the factory holding hands with the wife of another. He goes white, when he recalls it.
If you don’t want to be found out - don’t do it.
I’ve heard, and witnessed at first hand, some changes that I wouldn’t have anticipated. All revolve around the theory that we change ourselves to suit a lover’s expectations and a new feeling about ourselves.
So, for example, you might see a change in dress sense, typically more youthful, dressy with new confidence.
They will erase their caller history from their mobile phones - innocent people don’t do that.
I do it all the time. Me like my RAM. 
Same re: Internet cookies and temp files. Call me Monk.
Rather obvious signs: sudden attentiveness to physical appearance. New lingerie. Uncharacteristic nit picking and arguments. Absences out of the ordinary. Diminished libido. Increased secrecy or usage of mobile phones. Sudden and uncharacteristic interest in new sexual positions/techniques. Sudden and unexplained neatness re: financial records. Rushing to answer telephone calls. Frequent use of the SDMB. 
After umpteen threads on more or less the same topic I have only one suggestion:
Look into professional counselling.
If “you people” don’t want TMI why do you bait me like that? That’s what happened in the last thread and I responded only to have the thread shut down.
This has nothing to due with my personal situation. IF my wife were to cheat she is the type of person who would not only tell me, but would insist that I watch pictures that I had taken and then ask me how it felt to be such an aXXXole that I had driven her to the act.
No, I’m just on a “relationship fixation” at the moment. Next week it might be serial killers or why those bastards at Wall Mart claim to have no meat by products in their cheap dog food. I have a very simple mind and it stays fixated on topics long after everyone else is ready to move on.
I think we have had some fascinating answers so far that will add to the completeness of the StraightDope Knowledge base and further my goal of assimilating all interesting or useful information.
I’m afraid I feel the same way. Open Marriages, How do you feel about your wife or SO dating etc…etc…
? I do that…not that it would do anything, mind you…it is still in the records at Verizon, and guess where mrAru works
But I am odd, I also have only 2 numbers in the phone book - mrAru’s work number and my parents. In an emergency someone could get in touch with the 2 most important people to me. I have my friends numbers memorized.
Look, if it will make you happy I will stipulate to the possibility of unconcious motivations. So What? If Jeffrey Dahmer asks about “what are some interesting examples of how cannibals cooked humans” its a valid question whether or not Jeffrey Dahmer asked it or some PhD anthropology researcher at Harvard. Again, we are not supposed to get into TMI so why do you provide nonresponsive responses (relative to the OP) that lead in that direction?
The msot obvious sign is if their breath smells of another bloke’s hampton.
I’ve heard that men particularly tend to all of a sudden spend more time with the kids, take family trips, etc - I suppose out of guilt.
I don’t really think it’s fair to poke at the OP with a stick when he’s trying so hard to be good, guys.
One of the assertions on *The Bob & Tom Show * is that if he brings her roses for no apparent reason, he’s fooling around. Of course, they say it in jest, but still…
VunderWife and I were in counseling at the time, and the counselor suggested that I take her roses for the hell of it. It took 2 days and 3 calls to the pshrink to convince her that I did it on his advice, instead of dipping my wick in another well. :rolleyes:
Stay away from Aldi’s they have roses for three dollars per dozen!
Check this out:
So that’s why the new phones allow you to selectively erase the caller histories…
For some reason this seems more common in women but whenever a girl starts telling her husband/boyfriend that she loves him more often than normal, there is a pretty high chance she’s guilty about something. If not cheating then flirting. Personal experience talking here.
You start finding hotel-size bottles of shampoo in your shower.
Uh oh.
let’s try that again. #@$@ quick-reply. It’s useful, but I’m not used to it.
Uh Oh.
Um, maybe she’s just appreciating me lately?