What are your litmus tests for a SO?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Kind (to everybody, even the “undeserving”.)
Not easily angered (not cursing and declaring the day miserable because they didn’t have doughnuts at the store)
Reasonable (sees there is often more than one side to any story, but able to form an opinion - not be walked on, but know when to bend)
Laid back (I don’t take life seriously. Death, yes. Life, hell no. I live for laughter. I can’t be around those who take themselves too seriously.)
No drugs or smoking (can’t be around it)
Likes sex. (4 or 5 times a day. Keep up!)
Kinky sex. (Yeah, I said it. Also, “kinky” does not mean “you get on top this time.” What a thrill ride.)
Can put up with my insomnia, mad writings, my etchings, sudden disappearances (I go for spontaneous walks at any given hour, even in the middle of the night), need for space, and trusts me.

Thankfully, my husband meets all of the above criteria and the job is taken. :wink:

22

Before I met Lady Mung, I told my roommate that I wanted to find a girl who:
Drinks
Smokes
Cusses
Spits

…but not necessarily in that order. I had just gone through two heavy, emotionally draining relationships and wanted a change.

Imagine my surprise to enter the apartment one afternoon after classes to hear a female voice loudly and creatively berating my other roommate, who was whipping her ass in MarioKart. She was a drinker, a smoker, a cusser and a spitter.

Now here we are, one ‘n’ a half years later, looking for engagement rings. Funny ol’ world, innit?

23

Doesn’t smoke, not religious, doesn’t do drugs, likes my cats, and has to know what a litmus test is (and preferably how it works).

Maybe that’s why I ended up with a chemist. :slight_smile:

24

BTW, Anastaseon, what’s there to take seriously about death if you’ve already got a sense of humor about life?

25

With a pulse.

26

Why do you care if your SO is religious?

27

Female.

Non-smoker.
(Definitely no tobacco, but I might tolerate a small amount of pot if it was not while I was around.)

No illegal drugs.

Not more than social drinking.

Non-religious.
(Walloon, for me anyways, this is shorthand for "no inerrantists, single-truthers, only-one-way-to-god-ists, fundamentalists, fanatics, proselytisers, inquisitors, or anyone who believes that their relationship with their god or gods is more important tnan their relationship with their fellow human or with the earth.

I suspect I could get along with many Unitarian Universalists, Ismaili Muslims, “liberal” Christians, Reform Jews, Hindus, etc. But as soon as you start talking about shutting away women or elevating ideology over intellectual freedom or shunning people because they dare to look outside the community, I am so out of there.

That said, there’s at least one thinking passionate Christian on these boards who has been the subject of one of my DoperCrushes for quite some time. She’s married, so I haven’t said anything; I don’t want to besiege her.)

Must like sex. :slight_smile: Which translates to, “Does not believe the human body is evil.” Although it can be distracting at times.

Pets: cats okay. No yappy neurotic dogs. Other dogs, as well as iguanas, ferrets, snakes, etc, depending on whether we get along with each other…

Kids: depends on whether we get along together.

Must be her own person, not a celebrity-driven fashion slave.

Not a lot of makeup.

After all that, physical looks are relatively unimportant. There are many different women I find physically attractive, though I confess a liking for the plumper bustier types.

:: wanders off, listening to Cornershop and thinking of how amazing South Asian women can be… ::

28

I have to really, really like being around her.
She has to really, really like being around me.
That’s about it.

29

Oh, and here I came in thinking a litmus test was a test, not a set of preferences!

Well, I have a few litmus tests. One is that I sometimes, in the beginning of a relationship, will act slightly weird. If the guy responds well, he’s earned bonus points.
Another one is my mom. I’ll watch my SO closely if he meets my mom for the first time. And sorry, I won’t give away the secret of what is the Right Way to Act here. :wink:

Needless to say, Arwin passed both tests with flying colors. :smiley:

30

Doesn’t want kids.
Likes cats.
Can put up with my stubborness and neuroses.
Gets geeky/science/math jokes and even better if he tells them.

Fortunately, **KeithT **met all of these requirements and a bunch of the items on the wish list too so we’re all good. :smiley:

31

Preferably Human, or at least Hominid.

32

Heh. :cool:

Death itself doesn’t scare me, or bother me that much, except for in the most selfish sense in that I want them to come back so I’ll be happy they are around again. I don’t feel bad for the dead. I feel bad for the families and friends. They are hurt, and I take that seriously.

However, regarding my own death… well. Ever see the movie Toys? I’d want to go like Leslie’s father did. Buried with blinking and buzzing toys, and a can o’ laughs. My family will drive solemnly to the burial site in a bumper car. I want my little brother to say, “Tin horns, I like that! Tin horns are fun!” Then I’d be put inside a giant, bubble blowing elephant that carries me around the fields. Wheee!

33

Passionate.
Well spoken.
Stylish.
Suspicious of trends and mass movements.
Does not avoid alcohol or red meats.
Has legs, and knows how to use 'em.

34

That’s pretty much the same as mine. Also, must be kinky or at least really good in bed and open to certain kinky activities. Must be politically liberal. Also, must have goals. I’d never thought about this one until I dated a guy who was really great, but . . . he had a kinda crappy job that wasn’t leading anywhere, a really crappy apartment not too far from where he grew up, and a crappy car. He just didn’t seem interested in getting a better job, or saving up to go to college, or learning or achieving anything more than what he had. He was happy where he was, but I wasn’t, and I hadn’t realized until then how important a value self-improvement is to me.

35

This brought the question of what a person who didn’t know how to use legs would be like. Mrs. Two Lumps from the MoSW comes to mind :slight_smile:

36

:smiley: Heh. I guess I meant not swathing herself in baggy pants and sensible shoes all the time.

37

Well, why not be frank and say: “must share my belief in self-improvement” or “must have aspirations”? “Goals” are a pretty meaningless thing to have. You can have goals and still be pretty much of a deadhead as a human being.

I’m sorry to jump on you here, WO,* I’ve just read too many personal ads that read like the woman is looking for a sensitive, romantic, soulful…beady-eyed corporate tool.

38

S’all right. Aspirations is a better word than goals, anyway. It’s not something I usually mention, since I’ve only ever met that one person who didn’t aspire to something. And now that I have a boyfriend, it’s pretty moot anyway. Oh, and I use the word anyway a lot.

39

I don’t have all that many absolutes but there are some that really help…

-can’t smoke or do drugs
-careful with alcohol
-it’d be nice if they are against the death penalty
-willing to live with no guns in the house (this one is an absolute)
-has been relatively (note I said relatively) loyal in past relationships

There are things I look for in a woman but these are the only things that will really make things difficult if they don’t fall into these categories.

40

Well, I have preferences, but I only use them as filters when it comes to online dating. Even then, there are only a few: local, nonsmoker, no drugs, in a certain age range, with at least a bachelor’s degree.

In terms of “I meet a guy IRL who seems cool, what would be the dealbreakers,” though, only the drug use one carries over. I’m not judgmental, in fact I enjoyed a bit of pot in my 20s and have dated guys who were into much harder stuff, but these days being around anything like that could cost me my job. I’m also simply not into it anymore, and haven’t been for a while, but now the job thing keeps me from even associating with people who are.

I sort of carry over the education level preference: anything less than a 4-year degree (or the equivalent) is a yellow flag, but not a dealbreaker. I’ve had a couple of good friends in my lifetime who never went to so much as junior college, and so have learned the difference between education and knowledge.

Hmm, I actually just thought of one more thing that applies to both online and IRL guys: no married men. I’m not even terribly comfortable with men who are separated (i.e., the divorce isn’t final yet), but I’m a little more lax about that IRL than I am online. I’m also not interested in a polyamorous relationship – again, no judgment or “ick” factor or anything, it’s just not for me.