Dating checklists piss me off. There’s a few deal breakers, of course. Still, I’m, tired of being rejected because some girl’s personal checklist calls for dating a guy that’s at least six feet tall, and that 5’ 10" isn’t enough even if you excel in her other checklist categories, for having blue eyes when she must have someone who’s “dark and handsome,” because I’m not a vegetarian or don’t ance or make less than $75K a year. Women shop for mates like groceries now - broad statement, but I believe it’s true, at least among the 30-something, passably attractive, working professional crowd.
My deal breakers, BTW:
- She’s psycho; not so much mild depression or ADD as borderline personality disorder, manic depression, or Asperger’s.
- She’s boring; she expects me to maintain the conversation at all times, in essence entertain her, but contribute nothing to the dynamic.
- She’s stupid.
- She insists on telling me about the divinity of Juh-hee-uh-suh-hus at every opportunity.
- I don’t find her physically attractive; that doesn’t mean she’s got to look like a supermodel, but rather where there’s some parity between us when it comes to appearance. Unpopular to say that on the Dope, I know. Pit me.
- She’s larger than me. There, I said it. Pit me.
Everything else is negotiable.
And I’m tired of hearing this complaint (from both men and women). Who gives a shit if someone has a detailed shopping list of who they want to date? I actually like seeing that, because I no longer have to wonder if I’m interested in that person.
Hooray! My dating pool is now extremely limited because of the unrealistic checklists others have! :rolleyes:
So your dating pool is extremely limited because of people who don’t want to date you, and that pisses you off. What next, you’re going to pissed off that your employment options are extremely limited because of jobs you’re not qualified for?
Must be interested in the world outside his house. Reads the paper, follows current events.
Financially responsible. No wild living outside one’s means.
Okay with my being a vegetarian. I don’t care what other people eat, but I don’t want to be with someone who pesters me about my own diet.
Accepting of my religion. Doesn’t have to share it (although that would be awesome), but doesn’t make derogatory comments about it or roll his eyes when I want to go to shul. Also don’t want to hear that I’m going to hell, but that’s probably a given.
Fairly politically liberal. It just don’t think it would work otherwise.
Non-smoker.
There are loads more plusses (likes baseball, science, prefers vacations in cities to boring…I mean relaxing beach vacations, etc.) and minuses (into guns, listens to corporate country, wants to watch the entire NCAA basketball tournament, etc.) I have in my head, but those are negotiable.
No, I’m pissed off someone wouldn’t want to date me because I meet every other qualification but one or two in their checklist.
Are you saying most women are out of my league? That’s what I’m hearing.
No, that’s what the woman who’s checklist you don’t measure up to is saying.
If someone would reject you for something you consider minor, wouldn’t you rather not date them anyway? Why would you want to be with someone that shallow, I don’t get being pissed over that.
Yes, they are out of your league - but it’s not major v. minor league. It’s NFL v. MLB. To continue the sports metaphor even further, your amazing free-throw percentage simply doesn’t matter if she’s looking for a power hitter.
Wow. Reading through this thread makes me very thankful that I’m not single.
Dealbreaker for me include:
- Militant non-smokers
- Men who don’t think pets are part of the family
- Men I’m not physically attracted to
- Men who aren’t physically attracted to me
- Men who want to remain child-free (pretty obvious as I have an 11 yr old), or men with lots of children (say, 3+) or who want children with me (not now. not ever. thanks.)
- Anyone who is convinced that they know what’s better for me emotionally/spiritually/physically than I do
Everything else comes down to how well we interact. Does he make me laugh? Does he get on well with my kid? Do I feel drunk and warm when we kiss? Do I want to bury my head in his chest and fall asleep? Is he passionate about something and able to communicate that enthusiasm to me in a way that makes me want to learn more about said passion? Does he agree that Jon Stewart and South Park are always worth watching? Will he pick an American Idol and keep watching it even after his pick gets the boot? Do my cats like him?
God, it’s truly a wonder that I ever found someone.
No, I imagine what pisses him off is that 70% of the women he encounters are reading off some pre-written laundry list they cut out of Cosmopolitan, and the other 30% remind him alarmingly of Jean Teasdale, only not so literate.
Bingo.
It’s not so much NFL vs MLB, but rather MLB where I’m on the same team, have the right batting average, and play the right position, but use a Rawlings glove instead of a Mizuno, have a dark blue hat instead of merely blue, or don’t chew tobacco when she’s looking for someone who can dip with the best of them. He can hit .450, but he’s gotta’ be a spitter too! After all, she deserves a baseball player who can spray a wad of liquefied Skoal six feet; why shoud she settle?
Which still comes down to them not wanting to date you. You’re pissed because there are bunches of women out there who don’t want to date you, and you’re extra pissed because you feel like they almost want to date you.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.
I’m saying that getting worked up over jobs you aren’t qualified for would be just as futile as getting worked up over women who don’t want to date you. No insult was intended.
Well that’s just a ridiculous use of percentages. I’ll grant that lots of women out there have checklists – as do lots of men – but if anyone really feels that he’s encountering only checklist types or Jean Teasdale types he is seriously looking in the wrong places.
Are there lots of shallow people out there with arbitrary lists of mate qualities? Of course.
Does that mean that finding someone compatible will be harder work, and may take a while? Yep.
Is it worth getting pissed off over? Hell no. Coming across folks so blatantly shallow makes it easy to discount them, and makes the gems among them that much more valuable.
(Cripes, I can’t believe I just wrote that last bit … way more treacle-y than my usual style, but you get what I mean.)
Well, why should she? Why should anyone lower her expectations just so that you can be a potential suitor? It makes not one bit of difference whether you think that those expectations are arbitrary/stupid/unreasonable, the fact is that they exist. Why expend so much energy giving a shit?
'tis honesty my boy. i wouldn’t pit you for all the crayons in the box.
…probably because i agree with it.
Because when the vast majority of women that are my peers have those detailed, non-negotiable checklists, it makes dating damn close to impossible.
You know, if I was an overweight woman complaining about men now wanting to date me, I’d have a page of <<hugs>> by now. As a man complaining about women not wanting to date me because I only have 95% of the traits they’re looking for on their checklists, not 100%, because they really deserve 100% after all, I’m supposed to cowboy up and be grateful I really know how superficial they are. No, I’m not grateful. It sucks.
Those hugs wouldn’t be from me. I’d tell you the same thing, why worry about the people that don’t want you? It’s a waste of time and energy.
I might gently suggest you try and lose a few pounds, but only if that’s what you want not just because others want it of you.
-Must have a vagina
-Must have the ability to shut the fuck up from time to time w/o being prompted
-Must have own source of income
-Tits that stick straight out, but not because they are resting on her stomach, are a real plus.
-Must know how to field strip, clean, and reassemble common small arms
-Must be able to provide effective back-up in bar brawls and small firefights
-Must think bloody mary’s + lox & bagels + hours of kinky sex is not just the best, but the only way, to spend Sunday mornings.
-Must enjoy Final Fantasy games and film noir
-Must enjoy weight training
-Worshipping me as a god a real plus, but not absolutely necessary
I guess this is my litmus test:
“Must be a pleasant person to be around.”
That appears to be it.
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Got to have his own money.
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Doesn’t care if I smoke.
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Doesn’t care if I drink.
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Doesn’t care if I shop.
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Doesn’t care if I go clubbing or barhopping with or without him.
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Doesn’t care if I sometimes travel without him.
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Doesn’t have a dog.
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I don’t care what his politics are as long as he leaves mine alone.
Already got a boyfriend like that, I guess. Who the hell knows what he really thinks? He don’t talk much, but I guess if he were dissatisfied he’d break up with me.
This is fun. Let’s play! 
Hates cats (I have two, not willing to give them up)
Not willing to try or tolerate new things
Dislikes/hates Asian cuisine (staple of the diet)
Dislikes/hates movies with plot (are you MAD?)
Militant morning person (blood will be shed)
Non-geek (OMG)
Doesn’t enjoy philosophizing and/or debating
Likes SNL alums and/or the Wayans (delicate shudder)
Regularly grooms self to a socially acceptable standard of hygiene