Or bio mom just happens to know who judge IS sleeping with…
You say that you expect bio-mom to quit paying the cellphone bill soon. Have you and your husband considered getting your daughter her own phone? You get brownie points for reconnecting her. You get to set the ground rules for the phone, you get the bill and see who called/ was called, you can chose which phone you want to get her, and can decide if you want to install mobile phone spying software.
I like this. Not to say that children are materialistic scum but… well, children are materialistic scum, just like their parents. 
If you’ve got the cash for it you could score points by buying her whatever phone is in vogue these days, but as Tastes of Chocolate said, it will be yours to control. I’m sure you can find a way to view texts sent and received online if you own the phone.
That might be good for the future, but somewhere upthread we find that Teenager already has an unserved detention for texting at school, so I’m thinking they probably don’t want to reward that with a shiny new phone right off the bat.
wholly shirt…this gentleman is a goddamn creepy pedo. Call Chris Hansen?
Hm… 23 and 13.
That’s only five years away from the situation you’re in. :D:D:D
Yeah… but there’s a friggin’ world of difference between 18 and thirteen. And not a ton of difference between 23 and 28. One is qualitatively more predatory than the other.
Hahaha, don’t worry, I know. 
Oh, I’ll bet you know all about the difference between 13 year olds and 18 year olds
I’m sure Mitze will be pleased as punch to see these posts.
Well, we’re doing her a service by letting her know precisely why her teen shouldn’t be allowed unsupervised internet access, amirite?
We should be getting paid by the government, now that I think about it. But! This is the last time I post in this conversation in this thread! We’ve derailed the topic enough.
Precisely why this site needs better sub-threading.
Whew…a whole slew of answers and updates at the end if anyone wants to just skip this part. 
Don’t think I haven’t considered that a time or two! 
She has to have something on him to keep getting so much leeway…At first I thought he was just giving her enough rope…or that he was timid about taking too much away then getting it overturned on appeal or something, but this many years later I am back to thinking it has to be bribery or him just not really caring. He’s been on the bench for so long that I am just kind of hoping he retires before our next court date.
Just one judge, which I believe is typical. We requested a change of jurisdiction at one point (denied) and we have had our attorneys look into any case we could make for recusal (I think that’s the right word…where the judge steps aside) but don’t really have grounds for that apparently and unfortunately just not liking the ruling isn’t grounds for appeal. So we are trying to just play nice, do everything the way we are supposed to and at the same time keeping track of every single miss-step bio-mom makes (in addition to the counselors and doctors we have ready to testify on our behalf) and just let the court know about every little thing, so hopefully sometime soon (and before daughter is too messed up) the judge will see. At this point I don’t know how he could be considering all of the mountains of evidence we have and still thinking bio-mom should be involved in any way. But as I said, she has been ordered for her own psych evals and home studies, which I am confidant will also be in our (daughter’s) favor, with the same recommendations that the other psychiatrists have made. I just hope that will finally be enough for the judge.
I like “womb unit”. It’s much more descriptive than bio-mom. This is an angle we are definitely trying to get the judge to review. We don’t think she needs a cell phone either. we have a land line and there is a phone available for emergency use anywhere she might happen to be, so it does nothing but cause trouble for her. We got her a phone last year (an added line on our plan) and she proved she was not able to handle the responsibility. Mostly she was just staying on the phone too late at night, texting over the limit and taking the phone to school (which was a no-no). We took the phone back and told her we’d try again when she’s older, if we feel she needs one. But this incident shows she is no more ready to have a phone than she was then, so it will be a long, long time until she sees one of her own again.
The only way we have of proving bio-mom is off her meds is her admission to us in a text message and her telling the therapist that she has no insurance (so thus could not pay for the meds either). We plan to present that too, but I am not sure how much weight it will carry.
See above. I’d like to do that on one hand, but since she had one and was irresponsible with it (and we did not expect much, just the phone to be turned off at bedtime, texts limited to what was covered under our plan, and not to be taken to school) I don’t think she is any more ready for one now, and I’d hate for it to end up rewarding her behavior…“I hid my phone and lied about so my parents bought me a new one” kind of thing.
That whole thing made me laugh. I love topic derailments, really! And I know the age differences are so scary, but as someone said above the difference between 13 and 18 is huge, 23-28 is not so much (and my first marriage was 17-27, so I know how it can sometimes happen!) really the difference between 13 (and she is actually turning 14 in a week or so) and 16 even is too much, look back at yourself (or your kids if you have them) and just look at how different the entire world was for you and how different you were during that time frame. Wow. That’s the time of life that changes and moves the fastest I think, and a lot of growing up is done in those few years.
And finally, the updates:
We are (obviously) back from the therapist’s, and it went really, really well. I am so relieved in fact that I am almost giddy about how well it went! Now I am not naive enough to think that daughter was completely honest in her intentions, and I know that a lot of what she said was mostly to please the adults and “get along” so that she could go home, but still in all I think it was a positive move.
Daughter was a bit surprised to find out we knew the name (and criminal records) of her “boyfriend” and even more shocked that we knew about their plans (which she was in on apparently) for when we went to Texas. Daughter still does not know she won’t be going with us. But she said all the right things, she’s sorry, she knew it was wrong, it won’t happen again etc. And the therapist asked if the authorities knew. So we said yes (without saying that we were their source) and daughter just about broke down. She was so upset that he might “get in trouble” and that it was her fault, so it took a little doing to convince her that it was his fault and that he might get into trouble because of his own actions, not hers. We also used the trick of not calling him by name, but only “the predator” and we showed her (on therapist’s computer) his facebook page today showing all the various girls he was “in a relationship with” and showing her their pages (the ones that were not private) and ages, to show her that they were all just like daughter. We tried to make her understand that isn’t “love” and that isn’t caring about someone, and anyone who claims to do so after a 30 second facebook chat is lying deliberately to hurt you, but I am not sure that got through to her. Next week’s therapy session is for them to “explore relationships, what they mean and what’s healthy”.
But it came out how she “met” this guy. Apparently he was going through the list of members at one page she joined (I should note that it was a Middle School related page) and sent her a friend request that just said he thought she was pretty. When she added him, she went to chat and asked him if she knew him. He said no but that she’s “hella sexy” (or something like that) and that they should go out. She said okay, and that’s when they “started dating” the next message between them was how much they loved each other. Now I know she is only 13, but still…how could she be that stupid? Really? “Hey, you’re picture is really cute. I love you so much, no one will every break us up, we’ll be together forever!” How can anyone think that is normal or right? She gets slack for being young, but him? Grrrr…he knows better!
shudder That’s creeeeeeeepy! He’s becoming a fan of MIDDLE SCHOOL FACEBOOK PAGES?! That almost makes me glad I’ll probably never have to raise a child…there’s too much scary crap (and people) out there.
Your friendly neighborhood defense attorney here…
Nobody, I mean nobody, knows how to fuck up a probationer’s world like a defense attorney.
You say you know the court system where he lives, and that he’s on probation (it would be probation and not parole–parole is for early termination of a prison sentence, probation is a sentence in which jail time is suspended). Do you know how easy it would be to find his probation officer? All you have to do is call the probation department for the court system he was sentenced in, all information that you have (or could easily be found). Tell them you want to know who Sickass Predator’s P.O. is, because he’s been attempting to sleep with your 13-year-old daughter and has slept with other underage girls in the past. Give them his name and birthdate, and they’ll forward you to his P.O. One little fax of the information you have, and it’s Bench Warrant for Pervo, with most likely a probation revocation. And the P.O will most certainly pass the info along to the prosecuting attorney in his county…or you could. Call up the folks who prosecuted him, and ask who dealt with his case. Give them the info. It’s a LOT quicker than going through the police, who may or may not care. You can guaran-damn-tee that the P.O. and the prosecutor who dealt with his death threats case will both be verrrry interested in what you have to tell them.
I like the way you think Drain Bead.
You wanna hear something funny? (Okay, not funny, scary actually.) I paid the state of Texas for a criminal records search on this guy. The most recent case(s) were not available but I found one I missed the other night when I was searching free public records. From 2005- 3rd degree felony. Well here, you are a defense attorney, so you will understand this better than I, I will cut and paste (no personal information to protect the guilty):
So how many times can he be on probation before they haul his butt to prison? Of course this particular probation is finished by now, but the others…
I did not know that it would be so easy to contact his probation officer. Do you think that I should at this point, even after alerting the PD and FBI or would that be too much interference? It sounds like a great idea to me, but I don’t want to overstep either.
When it comes to the safety of your daughter and the other little girls he’s been luring over the net, I don’t think there is such a thing as too much interference. Better to raise hell and make sure that the authorities follow through properly than to leave anything to chance, IMO.
Getting in touch with his PO would definitely NOT be too much interference! This guy is dangerous - he is trolling Facebook middle school groups, friending middle schoolers, and flirting them up and planning to meet them. Please please contact his PO. You will probably be saving other girls from being abused by this scumbag.