What can I eat/drink to make my farts smell like roses?

Not a joke; I was pondering this last night just before bedtime; certain foods break down in the digestive system to produce distinctly different kinds of gaseous emission (we could go into details, but let’s not) - Is it possible to formulate a compound that would be broken down in my digestive system in such a way that I would emit fragrant anal gusts?

Since this is purely a thought experiment (I have no intention of following this through), ignore toxicity for the moment.

Baked beans would seem to fit your criteria. Or a simple glass of milk, if you’re lactose intolerant.

That will just make me farty; I want it to smell like roses.

(or orange blossom)

Oh, hell. For some reason, I saw fragrant and thought you meant pungent.

I suppose I deserve that for answering a GQ with a joke.

Yay! A GQ I can actually answer!

This is taken from an informational site about the Duodenal Switch (a type of weight loss surgery):

Ok, so those these products won’t make your gaseous emission smell like a flower garden. But they’re supposed to make them less offensive. Good luck, and let us know how they work for ya.

I should probably mention that I don’t actually have a problem, unless it’s my idle curiosity.

Screw flowers. How can I get mine to smell like Brand New Car for my daily commute?

Wouldn’t it be easier to somehow embed your underwear with rose scent and activated charcoal?

How about the Flat D underwear insert?

It would, but that’s not what I’m trying to find out.

Well, the problem is that intestinal gases are largely already due to flora. Just not roses. And the byproduct of their digestion is sulfur containing compounds that are famed for their niffiness. So it’s not * what * you eat, it’s what eats it after you do.

Short answer, to get roses, you’d have to do some genetic tinkering to come up with e. coli and other intestinal flora that produce floral-scented aromatic compounds as a byproduct of digestion. They’d have to be hardy enough to outbreed the existing critters, and benign enough so that your rose scent is accompanied by other symptoms such as nightmarish diarrhea.

Your only other option (and I DONT recommend it) is to consume a rose scented Glade aerosol and tootle melodiously.

You’re a few days late or much too early. Valentine’s was last week.:smiley:

You could try eating a lot of roses, but even if that worked I would imagine that it is cost prohibitive for more than occasional use.

Anybody remember that Family Guy episode where Peter got pills to make his bowel movements smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls?

Yes, but wouldn’t the nightmarish diarrhea cause your bathroom to smell like a flower shop? :wink:

Just sayin’, is all.


Yes. But that flower shop would be the one from The Little Shop of Horrors.
I do think that there’s a third possibility that I didn’t mention – if you managed to acquire and consume very large quanitites of attar of roses or rose water, there’s a chance that you might come up smelling like roses. But quite likely recently composted roses.

When you’re beautiful, doors open for you!

Actually, they opened because you stood on that little black mat. But they’d open for you anyway, because you’re beautiful.

I’m pretty sure Finagle is right. Either that or you’d have to get some sort of aromatic compounds that would manage to be passed through you without being digested by the bacteria in your body.

I prefer a G Natural, myself.

Rose oil (no kidding) :cool:
It’ll ooze out your pores!

I purchased a toilet paper roller that is scented…it releases some sort of floral scent each time it spins. I suppose one could shove…or maybe not. :wink: