I’d totally have taken a picture.
I hear you pee on dumpsters in the morning, what do you have to say about that Clooney?
The bathroom in my Hollywood mansion is being remodelled.
Zofia has a good point though, a lot intends on the interpretation of the intentions. There’s always a line, and there’s no going back once you cross it from flirty to hitting on.
Yes, I agree. Not only does the George (and you can have him; he does nothing for me) thing matter, but also, I really don’t understand the mindset of “well, she’s in front of me and I feel frisky so I can hit on her because I want to.”
I don’t care who you are, actually. Do I know you? IMO, some type of relationship needs to be established prior to attempted flirting. This relationship does not need to formal or of long standing–you could ask me a question at the Reference desk and I’ll answer it. The next time you come up–then you can try to flirt. If not, then you’re hitting on me and I will get you gone one way or another.
I don’t like being hit on. I love being flirted with. Passes get slapped or publicly humiliated. 
This is the core of the problem, really. Some guys get led around by their testicles so much that they don’t think of what the other person might want. Add in a) desperation, or b) an inability to recognise the subtler social signals, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yup.
I wish you could give examples of the difference between the two.
In which category does a sincere “Hey, you have really beautiful eyes” fall?
Hitting on, 100%. That’s so not subtle man. Flirting is all about subtlelty Flirty would be something like “Ok, see you later bright eyes.” and seeing where it goes from here. “You have beautiful eyes” right off the bat is going to be super off putting to most women unless you happen to be the aforementioned dumpster pisser.
That is very direct, granted. But I can see saying that while having absolutely no intentions.
How about this: “You like Metallica? Pfft. You would.”
Cluricaun nailed it.
“Hey, you have really beautiful eyes” has no context–the ONLY purpose for saying it is to chase/hit on. I don’t want to be chased. I’d rather be snuck up on like the next example, “See you later bright eyes” or even “see you later, beautiful.”
Here’s why (for me): the “see ya” comments imply that there has been some kind of interaction between us. If you and I had just been in the library together and not made eye contact or even seen one another, and you suddenly said “see ya bright eyes”–that’d be a bit creepy (because it’s one way).
But, if you came to the desk and asked for my help or you dropped your stuff near me (say I’m a patron) and I helped you pick it up etc–and then, as you were leaving, you said, “see you later bright eyes”, well, that would make my day. (hell, my week, but I live quietly).
I could see someone like a very young John Cusak getting away with saying “do you know you’re beautiful?”, but only once-- and a lot depends on the tone, the body language and the intent of Mr Cusak. If it’s solely admiration, fine. But when is it solely admiration? In films, maybe. 
I’m sorry to sound like such a party pooper, and god knows compliments aren’t chump change, but a woman alone cannot be too careful–because there are too many guys (see upthread) who take the smallest sign of humanity to be a “GO!” sign. <sigh>
Kind of ruins it for all of us who would love to flirt the day away, but don’t want to date anyone in particular.
This would get you a Look from me (I’m old and not even sure if I’m certain on what Metallica is–hard rock, no?). If I were younger, I’d probably have said, “fuck off” under my breath and kept going…
There are no hard and fast rules. There is no one recipe. If you said your Metallica comment with a droll look and a head nod to my T shirt that bore the slogan for the band, you might have started a flirtation. Or you could get decked. The ambiguity of it all adds to the fun… <evil laugh here>
See, I came into this thread hoping to find advice in my continuing quest for information as to how not to come across as creepy. (not that I’m often accused of it, but y’know).
I’ve tended in the past to define flirting, hitting on, and making a pass at as different points on the continuum of “I’m talking to that person in a romantic/nonplatonic manner”.
- Flirting with = lighthearted and playful in entirety. “Hey, cool shoes.”
- Hitting on = potentially more serious, sometimes more sincere, usually more personal, always more aboveboard about the intent–tdn’s “Hey, you have really beautiful eyes” is hitting on in my world. Can be rude if done poorly or without consideration for venue or timing.
- Making a Pass At = no questions asked about what the intent is, and generally rude unless heavily prefaced with the above two: “Hey, wanna come back to my place?”
I note the typical prepositions (“with”, “on”, and “at” respectively) tend to give an idea of how each comes across if done at an inappropriate time–flirting at least can be brushed off, but the other two are increasingly presumptuous if poorly timed, rudely delivered, or in the wrong venue.
Yeah, what she said. If you’re a cute, twenty something year old with glasses and converse sneakers, walking a Labrador, then maybe the Metallica comment is cute. Balding fifty year old guy who wants to tap some barely legal ass, then that’s creepy. Ambiguity = fun!
Ah, but you do have intentions, you’re expecting a response to that, aren’t you? You can’t just drop that and walk away from it, there’s going to be some sort of reponse, ergo it’s hitting on.
I think hitting on is a subset of flirting. I like the definition “flirting with intent.” Some people do flirt just for fun. Maybe both are happily married, 50 years different in age, and on different continents and never see each other, for examples. But yet, they may exchange flirtatious banter. Hitting on is flirting when the flirt-er would like it to lead to a date, or maybe just to hooking up, as the young folks are calling it today…they aren’t just passing the time.
Also, I think flirting can be done for manipulative purposes. I may flirt with my mechanic to try to get better service, but I have no actual interest in dating my mechanic. The dark side of this is being a tease, if the mechanic isn’t up for just flirting for fun.
I think making a pass is like hitting on, but the attention must be unwelcome. I don’t feel a pass needs to be physical. If dumpster guy asks if he can buy me a drink, that’s a pass. I think a pass is a little more of a one-time thing, but hitting on can be a more prolonged process. A pass is a little more explicit or obvious: He may have been hitting on me all night, but that, right there, when he invited me back to his hotel room, was the pass.
eleanorigby, it sounds to me like the difference to you is not welcome vs unwelcome, it’s a matter of comfort. And I don’t disagree in the least that comfort is important. But IMHO hitting on someone can contain a great deal of comfort. It should if it is to be successful.
What if you were talking to someone in a friendly banter for a good five minutes, then he commented on your eyes, then changed the subject to something light-hearted?
How about “Hey, you have really beautiful eyes. Can I touch 'em?” 
Of course that’s how you’d say it. It’s teasing. It’s flirting. I’d say that to my niece (and in fact, have, except it was New Kids on the Block). I’d also say it to someone I was hitting on (except I’d never hit on anyone who is a fan of New Kids, though I might accuse her of that ).
And the thing is, I’d say it to both in the exact same tone of voice. (Playful and a bit bratty, but in no way sexual or mean.) In both cases it’s fun and builds a bond. The difference is with the woman I’m hitting on, I’m trying to build a rapport that could lead to more than friendship. With my niece, I’m just giving her shit.
In neither case do I want discomfort anywhere nearby.
Once again, depends on context, voice tone, and body language. It’s a bit strong for most situations, even if hitting on someone it could totally fuck things up.
But it could also just be a sincere compliment with no intent. Haven’t you ever told a woman she was beautiful just because she was, and then just walked away?
I’ve heard the term used in a couple of ways that indicate that “hitting on” someone is not necessarily obtrusive or even all that obvious.
a. "Is he/she hitting on me?"
b. "Hey, that guy over there? He's totally hitting on you!"
"No way!"
"Totally!"
So as near as I can tell, “hitting on” someone is just the current term for the age old trying to figure out if a desirable member of the opposite sex is a) single and b) interested. I think the British version might be “chatting her up”. And it can easily be mistaken for simple friendliness and/or flirting and vice-versa.
Any connotation of sleaziness or obnoxiousness is probably a local interpretation or just depends on the clumsiness (or unattractiveness, physical or otherwise) of the person doing it.
Nope, I follow through on my intentions man. Every woman I’ve ever said that to I’ve ended up sleeping with. While that might seem romantic to you, that’s going to look plain crazy to most people.
And while I’ve said that to women before, I haven’t used that approach on everyone, there’s a time and a place when that will work and when it won’t. Mostly it’s not a good idea.