Bag Balm. Solves any problem you may have.
i would be surprised too.
I am reminded of this joke:
If your girlfriend starts smoking,
Slow down. Use lube.
Someone should do a poll on extra lubrication. My college girlfriend and I used Astroglide and KY Liquid, but my wife and I have never needed it, even for long sessions or the times we’ve needed to use condoms.
Ahem, post 14.
:eek: Dafuq? How do you sleep covered in grease? What did her bedsheets look like? How covered in Vaseline would they have to be to let her slide right out?
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
If you’re putting 3 in 1, you’ll definitely need a good lubricant.
They progressively used AA through KX.
:smack:
Sorry, too much lube, I slipped right past your post. :o
I recall some WW2 novel I read (when I was a teenager) that intimated that the prostitutes in Malta would give handjobs using cold-cream as a lubricant. I won’t comment on the validity of the technique, though I was (as I say) a teenager at the time…
Can’t remember the name of the book though, or the author. Maybe Goodbye, Mickey Mouse by Len Deighton or The Kapillan of Malta by Nicholas Monsarrat, but I read so many books at that stage of my life, so it might have been another one entirely.
Oh go to, everyone knows that it was first formulated in Paducah.
I love this place.
Folks should be careful before eating raw snails, though. It’s safer if you are controlling their food and habitat, but you can get some nasty bugs from them.
Thread winner, with bonus for fun username/post combo.
I’ve never had anal. I attempted it on a girlfriend once, but it didn’t happen. Did use lube.
I have masturbated at least 10,000 times and had penis in vagina intercourse at least a couple thousand. Never used lube in any of those cases. Have rarely penetrated a vagina that wasn’t soaking wet.
I would guess more. Being uncut, we’re a little (only a little) thicker.
We do, however, have the advantage of not needing lube for masturbating. We have our own, built-in Fleshlight
Q: What is the proper procedure in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
A joke from one of those “kid’s” joke books I read … when I was a kid:
Q: Why did the boy put grease in his hair before bed?
A: He wanted to get up oily the next morning.
I will confess that I didn’t get that joke until many years later. As a kid growing up in the Pacific Northwest, I hadn’t heard too many New Joisey accents.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, odds are good that you won’t, either.
Molly (Marion) Bloom is inside the bedroom in a whorehouse. Bloom stands outside. (The other characters are two whores and two barmaids.)
BOYLAN (To Bloom, over his shoulder.)
You can apply your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few times.
BLOOM
Thank you, sir, I will, sir. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? (He holds an ointment jar.) Vaseline, sir? Orangeflower?.. Lukewarm water?..
KITTY (From the sofa.)
Tell us, Florry. Tell us. What.
(Florry whispers to her. Whispering lovewords murmur lip-lapping loudly, poppysmic plopslop.)
MINA KENNEDY (Her eyes upturned.)
O, it must be like the scent of geraniums and lovely peaches! O, he simply idolises every bit of her! Stuck together! Covered with kisses!
**LYDIA DOUCE **(Her mouth opening.)
Yumyum. O, he’s carrying her round the room doing it! Ride a cock horse. You could hear them in Paris and New York. Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream.
KITTY (Laughing.)
Hee hee hee.
BOYLAN’S VOICE (Sweetly, hoarsely, in the pit of his stomach.)
Ah! Gooblazqruk brukarchkrasht!
MARION’S VOICE (Hoarsely, sweetly rising to her throat.)
O! Weeshwashtkissima, pooisthnapoohuck!
BLOOM (His eyes wildly dilated, clasps himself)
Show! Hide! Show! Plough her! More! Shoot!
That doesn’t necessarily involve “certain sex acts”; one of my grandmothers had three daughters, the other one was among the many wives who mysteriously stopped getting pregnant every two years on the clock after the other-gender youngest child came around. For either one, anything that didn’t involve PiV was unthinkable: the first one douched and the second one had predictable ovulation.
I believe AA Jelly was introduced in 1948 and only became KY Jelly due to the effects of inflation, so to speak. Similarly, back in those days couples only engaged in oneplay before sex. Often it consisted of a bit of 61.