Mine is short and “sweet”:
First time receiving oral sex, I had no idea it was coming. I thought in the best situation I would get a hand job. I had used some moisturizer on myself while she was facing the other direction. Her first time doing it as well. She looked at me and said, “Wow, this is what it tastes like?” I panicked. Luckily this was college, and I had extra food around. I had a nearby unused jar of applesauce and applied it as well to make myself taste better for her. She tried the mixture of applesauce and moisturizer and said to me “You were better off without the applesauce.” Who knew?
That’s cute. Did you ever give her a jar of applesauce as an anniversary present?
In a similar vein, but more innocent, the second time I ever had a serious make-out session, we were in a waterfront park, on a bench. There were some kids walking by. We kept kissing for a long time. Maybe forty-five minutes later, the same kids come back from the other direction. One boy shouts, “Yeah, they’re still at it!”
The first time I ever had a blow job, it was the girl’s first time to give one. She tried to blow me up like a balloon. Neither of us found the experience satisfying and stopped after about 30 seconds. Found out later that if we had continued, I could have suffered some bad side effects. It was years later before I had a proper BJ.
Of course we wanted to, and were going to. We were both horny people each at our respective sex’s prime for sexual appetite. She welcomed my hands on her and they went there as if drawn in by magnets, and she couldn’t keep hers off me either. “But”, she warned, “I get pregnant almost by just thinking about sex, too bad I can’t just rent it out to women who want to have babies, my body is a fertile breeding machine, so we have to take precautions”. She brought out a box of condoms. I had brought some with me, actually, a high end fancy brand I had taken notice of back when I’d worked at Anderson’s Pharmacy, “FourEx Skins”. We tried the ones she had first. The first couple of attempts to use them, the switch in focus of attention from what we were otherwise doing to getting this thing on spoiled the mood, made me self-conscious and I wilted. She said not to ever get upset about that, women could be interested in sex with a male partner but not always wet and ready, which was often a problem when the guy tries to proceed anyway, but less likely to make her feel the way guys seem to feel if they aren’t always hard. Not to worry, it would come back. And it did, and so after a few false starts we managed between the two of us to get the silly stretchy thing on me and then…
“Is anything wrong?”, she asked me, looking up from the pillows. “Is it in?”, I asked, unable to tell where that part of me actually was. I could feel pressure, sort of, but I couldn’t tell if it had slid where it should. She looked at me oddly, like she was amused and exasperated at the same time and shook her head and sighed. “You KNOW”, she said, “… I swore a long time ago that I would never ask a man that question. No matter how small he was, you aren’t supposed to make men feel inadequate, it’s not nice. And now I get to be on the receiving end of it!” She sighed again. “Is it like an airport terminal down there, does it echo?” She looked at me with a faceful of despair, I cringed and felt horrible and then… we looked at each other wincing and smiled and then started laughing and damn nearly fell off the bed we were laughing so hard. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, I gasped, “I didn’t mean…I didn’t think about how that would sound… I just can’t feel you through this thing and I’m not used to them.”
The first time my then-girlfriend and I masturbated each other in the shower, my orgasm was so intense that I felt myself starting to black out. I climbed out of the bathtub and got into a fetal position on the floor, where I remained for the next two minutes or so.
The first time my college girlfriend and I messed around with bondage, I needed to use the bathroom (don’t worry, it’s not going there) but we were all in the moment. I whisper that I wanted to tie her up, she agrees, she’s breathing faster with each bound limb, she’s blindfolded…
…I realize that there’s no way I can hold this. So I just whisper “Be right back” and exit to take a leak, leaving her tied down and blindfolded on my dorm room bed. For all she knew, I could have been returning with five dudes, a burro and a cauldron of boiling wax. It went all okay after my return but I probably could have handled that better.
For what it’s worth, there have been a number of times when I’ve had to go to the bathroom as things were about to get hot and heavy and when I came back the mood was gone, she was on her phone, and I realized my bladder cockblocked me.
My then-boyfriend, Curt, and I were at some outdoor college party, thinking quite seriously about leaving so we could go off for a shag. We were leaning against his truck in the parking area, making out, and he stopped and said “I have a sleeping bag in the back if you want to go make love in the woods…” Right then, about five guys walked by us and heard that proposition and naturally started snickering.
Curt, being a funny guy with zero inhibitions then cleared his throat and shouted out “I SAID I HAVE A SLEEPING BAG IN THE BACK IF YOU…” He couldn’t finish the sentence because we were doubled over laughing our faces off by then.
I wasn’t what you’d call an active participant, but this one is too funny not to share.
When I was first married, hubby and I lived on the second floor of a home that had been converted into two apartments. Another young couple lived on the floor below.
Hubby and I came home one day and parked in back of the house. Our downstairs neighbors were having a vigorous romp (woman on top) right in front of an open window that faced the parking area. We politely tried not to look, but as we were exiting the car, the male of the couple gave a mighty heave and dislodged his lover, who promptly fell out the window, naked, at our feet.
After a moment of shock and surprise, all four of us laughed. What else could you do under the circumstances? Our male neighbor tossed his wife a bathrobe out the window, she scrambled into it and dashed back into the house.
My girlfriend (now wife) and I decided to make love on the beach. There was no one in sight. Soon there was a rather large guy about to step on us. I didn’t think it was that dark. What was there do but keep on doing what we were doing when he left?
Best I got was shouting “Look mom no hands” with my lover while doing it doggystyle after raising my hands in the air. She got a good laugh out of that.
:dubious: Seriously? You want me to post things that you can black mail me with in the future? Well, there was this one time at a lake… and I told this person to go take a flying LEAP. I’m not sure that they took it well.
Did you ever give her a jar of applesauce as an anniversary present? 
