Cats will not move out of my way when I am trying to walk past them.
Dammit.
Mine was exiled to the basement this morning at 4am. For “playing the air intake vent like a harp” She comes into our room and then scratches the air intake vent - which make quite a bit of noise.
If she could be trained, we’d put her in a hillbilly band with a rubber band violin and someone playing the moonshine jug.
That’s funny! And don’t forget the washtub bass! You could recreate Emmit Otter’s Jugband but with cats!
2pm today:
Cat: Meow meow meow meow!
Me: What is it? Oh, I haven’t fed you.
Cat: Meow meow MEOW meow!
Me: OK, let’s go into the kitchen prepares food
Cat: purring, up on her hind legs to see what I’m doing Meow meow meow MEOW!
Me: OK, OK, here you go… puts down food bowl
Cat: sniffs food bowl, then goes out cat flap
Seriously! What is that about!?
Cats are damned mysterious.
Ferdinand would join in on the spring loaded doorstop. Thawa-a-nnnnggg.
So, our “human” cat wants to be like us. He now wants his litter tray in the bathroom.
So, on Friday, I wanted to go to the toilet. My wife was using the toilet. The cat was lined up outside waiting its turn.
I pretended I was happy.
Now said cat is a Blue Persian with a missing leg. It likes sleeping on our bed- hopefully the electric blanket will give it some relief if it gets arthritis from putting pressure on three legs rather than 4.
Is puss happy? Well of course! He displays it by running up and down the hallway after we get into bed and he thinks it is fun time! Cats are not light on their feet- this one sounds like a hoppled goat. He has an arse that would do well for a working bullock.
And then “I must eat as much dried food and push the bowl across the floor so it scrapes”. Oh back to bed for ten minutes- then “I better have a crap- I’ll flick the kitty litter on to the ceiling so it wakes everyone from here to Chile.”
Excessive litter box scratching every single time he goes. He should be an archeologist with the way he enjoys digging
I’ve never really attempted to train him out of it because I fear he’ll learn that using the box is bad rather than scratching for 5 fucking minutes multiple times a day is annoying. .
Mine does that, minus cat flap (must get kitty door for patio).
I was collecting “me, too” posts, then realized that I was going to quote almost all of the posts in this thread. Our cats do just about every annoying thing here (minus the air vent harp and strumming on the old doorstop), with a few of their own additions thrown in.
- Howl for food every morning, sniff the bowl and walk away? Check.
- Wake us up at o’dark thirty because they have a whim? Check.
- Stomp around on us in bed? Check.
- Howl from the other room like they’re dying of heartbreak? Check.
- Get underfeet, literally? Check. (On that note, people with cats in their house all walk in a certain way - the “push a cat out of your way with your foot” shuffle.)
- Fling litter? Check.
- Walk around with a turd hanging off your butt? Check.
My cat has another lovely trait - hanging her butt over the edge of the litter box and then peeing. We have four littler boxes in the house, three of them all pushed together - you’d think that would make it harder for her to pee over the edge, but she manages.
She is also a drooler, which is lovely when she gets annoyed with her own drool and shakes her head, flinging it everywhere (usually when she’s sleeping on my chest). Thanks for the shower, kitty.
I don’t think my cats are perfect; I think they can be terribly annoying (about 10 times a day), and I probably won’t get another one when these ones are finished with being alive. That said, they’re good company when they aren’t going out of their way to irritate. Plus, they’re always up for a nap - no one with a cat ever has to nap alone. 
Seriously: sometimes when cats run out of food in their bowl, they don’t necessarily want to eat right now, they only want the reassurance that at some point, should they deign to eat such lowly fare, that its there waiting for them upon their return.
Sweet! We’ll take down that Riverbottom Nightmare Band yet!
I have this problem with my kitty. Sometimes he’s just playing around in there, I just know it! But like you, I am afraid to chase him out of there for fear of him going to the bathroom somewhere else. And oh my, the radius of cat litter in front of the opening from his incessant scratching! He’d win a kitty Olympic litter/poo flinging event if there were one!
My cat annoys me in many ways, but number one on the hit parade lately is the dance of pissed-off-itude when I dare to shift position in bed. If I turn on my side, she has to get up, march around me in a complete circle, and settle down again. Repeat until insane. At least she doesn’t do it while I’m sleeping. Or I sleep through it, whatever.
She doesn’t want to be cuddled. She wants me to lie perfectly still while she shoves her bony butt into my abdomen and deals with her childhood emotional trauma by sucking her back paw.
Edit to add extreme appreciation for the Emmett Otter Jug Band Christmas references in this thread! 
My current cat is a former stray whom I took in off the street, and for the first few months of ownership, I kind of regretted it. She’s named Quinne now, but her full name was “ShuttheFuckUp YouGoddamnCat ShitintheGoddamnBox,” which illustrates the issues I had during that initial period where we broke each other in. She’s gotten more calm and a little better at her litter box usage, though she still has issues of scraping the litter for a good 10 minutes.
She’s content when I’m home, and comfortable being in a different room… unless I go to the bathroom. Every time she hears me in there, she comes in and suddenly gets all lovey-dovey. Cute when she’s rubbing my leg while I brush my teeth, but not so cute when I’m half-asleep and trying to hit the toilet properly.
My cat does the “bathroom supervisor” bit, and tends to want to pounce my arm through the shower curtain while I’m seated. Oddly, she only does this bit in one of our two bathrooms.
We are getting close, a few more cats and some video editing and we have a YouTube hit.
My late cate when she tucked in with me at night, during the winter only of course she would have to be right up in my arm pit. Then she’s start cleaning herself for a good fifteen minutes before going to sleep. Sluuuuurp, Sluuuuurp, Sluuuuuurp… PINCHAUS !!! ENOUGH !!! Pause. Sluuuuurp, Sluuuuurp, Sluuuuuurp .
She never listened.
Riley loves my computer desk chair, but only if I’m sitting in it. He ignores it the rest of the time. He’ll attack my feet if I’m sitting in the chair, and if I stand up for even a microsecond he’ll scootch under me and curl up. He’s nearly been flattened a couple times when I didn’t realize he got into the chair.
If the problem is littertraces on paws, provide a mat outside the litterbox. If it is the smell in itself, switch (permanently; cats stomachs get upset by changing brands of cat food) to high quality dry kibble set out permanently in a bowl. It will greatly reduce the quantity and smell of your cat’s poop if the food has less ballast. It is cheaper, all things considered, too.
Then the scratch posts are not in the right places. As the scratching post is also a visual territorial signal, cats don’t like the post to be too far out of the way. To make them stop using your sofa, spray it with a bit of mint of orange peel scent; and provide a scartching post by covering a table or chair leg in carpet, bark, or rope coiled around it.
I suppose you actually feed your cats yourself a couple times a day, usually when they nag you to do so? Stop it, you have conditioned them into naggers. Provide them with an always accessible bowl of dried kibble. They will adjust and go eat when they are hungry, instead of nagging you when they get hungry.
There’s nothign to do about that but make sure you don’t have nooks and crannies under furniture. Close up any cracks, by inserting a plank or a cardboard tube or one of those long stuffed fabric tubes.
A cheaper, faster and more easy solution is investing in a flashlight and a stick with a gripper.
There, problem solved.
I myself don’t like it when my cat wakes me at night by finding a new spot on my bed when I have awoken her. I wished she would just stop sleeping on my bed if my husband is also there.
My cats know when I’m gonna have to pee in half an hour or so, even before I do. They climb into my lap and settle in for a nice snooze. I guess it puts pressure on my bladder or something.
What doesn’t my cat do to annoy me?
He’ll climb onto my lap, but he won’t stay still. Every 30 seconds he stands up, driving his pointy little feet into my boob or stomach or whatever. Kitty paws are nice, but kitty paws for 20 minutes while standing on all my sensitive bits is not cool. He tries to climb on my shoulder.
When we are propped up reading in bed, he will only come onto the bed by walking all the way around to my husband’s side, crawling behind my husband’s head, crawling behind my head, and then walking down my left shoulder to the spot that he could have jumped into in two seconds without trampling over us all. I have no idea why he does this.
He follows me around the house trying to trip me and meowing at 5am when I just want food and for him to leave me alone. Husband doesn’t allow cat in the bathroom when we’re using it, so when I use the bathroom he will sit like a sentinel in the hallway, staring at me.