And I want to want to go back to school to get my masters degree, be a perfect mother and teach myself to play an instrument.
However, the reality is that I’m fairly medium about all those things. I mean, they all take a lot of work and effort and I’m not sufficiently unhappy with my current lot in life to actively pursue any of them. It doesn’t mean I never will be, I’m just not at the moment, and that’s perfectly OK.
Really, I think most people want to improve themselves and I think that you’ve decided that if you had a bunch of friends and an active social life that would be an improvement. I’m not sure I agree - I think a certain amount of contentment in the status quo is not necessarily a bad thing. You have a successful career, you have hobbies you enjoy, you have people who like and care about you without even particularly trying - heck, actively NOT trying. Really, that seems pretty good in my book and if you’re content with that at the moment, why not just go with it?
Things change - maybe in a week or a month or a year you’ll actually WANT a friend - until then I don’t see much point in torturing yourself about it.
I guess I see…but it’s not really a contradiction. You need friends? Get some, but get some good ones. Don’t need them (and, hey, nobody needs them like food and water), and don’t sweat it.
I think there might be an inherent contradiction in the very concept of friendship – you don’t miss them when they’re not there, but when they’re absent, you miss them.
I’m one of those fake Minister of some fake church who is licensed (to GIT PAID!) to marry people, and I spent a lot of time translating Vergil’s Georgics I&2 and Cic. “De Amict.” for a job (I got paid bank, plus it was fun – FWIW I’m not a “minister” of anything except jerking off and possibly doing things religious cats don’t much care for).
I think there’s a lot to admire in ancient views of friendship. If I give too many
more details I might reveal those with whom I’ve studied and I like anonymity.
Could you tell me what the hold-up is about making friends? I won’t judge you – lord knows, I have my own problems – but I’d never be the one to do anything but try to help you with my own experience.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t like the “not belonging” feeling? And I think the “not belonging” feeling is due in part to not wanting friends?
I am not a very self-conscious person. But I just feel like a sore thumb all the time. Everywhere I go–and I admit I could be totally blowing the world out of proportion, so no need to point this out–it seems like everyone has someone else. People tend to hang out in pairs. I see it when I’m vending on the street, when I’m in the break room, listening to people gab. When I’m walking to and from work. Reading threads on the Straightdope. Everyone has someone. Or they want someone.
I am content with myself when I am all by myself. But the moment I walk out into the world and have to interact with people, I just feel like a weirdo. A big one. Sometimes people say things that make me aware that it’s not just all in my head…that people HAVE noticed that I never have a story to tell. Only jokes. When it happens, I experience pangs of self-hate. You can tell me all day long that I shouldn’t feel this way…but you can’t “should” away feelings. They just are.
Well, part of this acceptance thing is not having expectations of anything. Good or bad. No sense in having hope OR feeling pessimistic. Just live in the moment and endure (oops, sorry, I mean experience) those bad feelings.
Just like yoga. I’m learning not to expect anything from class to class. Because when I have hope that this time I will be better than last, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. It’s better just not to think about better or worse and just be. It’s hard to accept this because I’ve always been taught to look on the bright side and have positive expectations. But it does make some kind of sense to just surrender to now.
So that’s how I’m just going to have to approach everything else in my life. Whatever comes will be. I have no control over anything, so I might as well just wait for the waves and ride them wherever they take me.
(Maybe the more I keep saying this stuff, the more I will believe it.)
An extremely strong desire for independence and freedom from entanglements.
Relationships bind, for good or bad. That binding is scary to someone with schizoid traits because it represents a loss of identity and the ability to do whatever you want to do.
For a schizoid, love is a nebulous concept. They have a low pleasure principal, so they don’t desire it to a strong degree. They love others from a safe distance, often putting them up on a special pedestal. But the idea of someone loving them back is unnerving. It means living up to expectations, fulfilling obligations, being conscience of another’s wishes and desires, always wearing a fake persona (because you don’t trust even your loved one to know who you are, really) and, well, being bound to someone else indefinitely. Without a desire to receive love and not experiencing pleasure out of most things, developing relationships just doesn’t seem that important. They actually seem arduous.
To be true friends with someone, you have to reveal yourself emotionally to them. You can’t always be “on”. You have to be able to show weakness in front of people. Schizoids have a very hard time with this. I have a very hard time with this. When I am friendly with people, I am just that. Friendly. I don’t go to them with my problems and worries. I don’t ask for favors. I reveal two dimensions of myself, but stop short at the third. I am always the same likeable, stoic monstro. Someone at work once described me as a robot, even though I laugh and smile all the time. It cut me to the core because they had seen what I thought I was successfully hiding.
I know none of this makes sense. It sounds like someone over-thinking simple problems. But this is my reality. It does cause some discomfort and sadness in my life.
Heh. You’re sort of contradicting yourself. Also, I think you may be over thinking this just a little.
Have you ever had a friend? I mean a real friend - not one you were faking for? Someone you actually shared a bit of yourself with?
I suspect the answer is no. Perhaps you should try it. Seriously, find someone who seems sane (ask your sister for help if you’re not sure you can read people well), shares a common interest with you - I suggest art or music - it’s good to have an activity to do together, and go for it.
Try asking this person for help or advice with the activity and see what happens - see how you feel about it.
It is true, at some point you’ll have to just bite the bullet and try if you want to have a friend. If you don’t want to do that - like REALLY don’t want to do that, then you should start trying to make peace with being a weirdo.
FWIW, being comfortable with your own company is probably a good type of weirdo to be - many people are alone and crushed with loneliness.
Never thought of myself as being schizo, but I make friends rarely. I get ALONG with just about everybody, am not overly shy, just am very comfortable by myself and with those I’ve chosen to share my life. Also, pushy people make me withdraw. I’m the opposite with shy people, and will be slightly more forward with people who seem that way, in case they are. But I’m not pushy. I figure we’re all adults, and if someone clicks naturally, great. If it doesn’t…great. I don’t feel like missing anything, truly. It’s like I only have so much energy to give relationships and right now mine’s mostly used up, lol. The only time this has made me feel bad in any way is that there’s a friend from highschool who has found me online, and has been sending emails and messages for over two years trying to get in touch with me. I haven’t responded because I don’t do long-distance well, not even friendships, and REALLY don’t want to spend time on the phone catching up. She expects more out of friendship than I want to give at this time, and it’s not for any negative reason. It’s the same reason I don’t do reunions. I’m here, now, in the present. The past doesn’t hold many mysteries for me.
Anyway, I know I come off cold sometimes but it’s just an emotional energy thing. Mine’s happily engaged with those around me, and I don’t think that makes me neurotic, psychotic or anything else, lol.
In addition to the white/black good/evil witch dichotomy already clarified upthread, calling oneself a “white witch” strikes me as a *The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe *reference. It was a self-deprecating pop culture reference, and frankly hilarious
To the point, I think you should hang out with them at least once. You’ve moving, so if you don’t like them you don’t have to worry about running into them all the time. And it sounds like the main reason you’re worried about befriending them is because of your former fleabag friend. If they turn into drains on you instead of friends, just stop visiting with them the second you lose interest (instead of waiting weeks or months). But you don’t have to cut things off before you even give them a chance.
What do you really have to lose by going over there, besides a couple hours of your time? Even if it turns out they’re boring horrible leeches and you never end up going back, at least you gave it a shot. You can talk to your therapist (you have one, right? I think you did the last time I read one of your posts) that you gave yourself a homework assignment to make a new friend, even if it doesn’t end up panning out.
I see now that this is another want to want of yours (I saw you say the same thing about a sex drive in another thread recently-ish). Do you only want to want these things because you’ve never experienced them? It certainly doesn’t sound like you expect friends or sex to make you happy. You think you’re some kind of freak because you haven’t had many/any friends or relationships in your life. But because of that, you don’t know a lot about what other people are like on the inside, or what makes others tick. You just see the surface (couples or friends who look happy in public) and don’t realize that *everyone *you see is an inadequate quasi-neurotic mess about something in their life. It’s the human condition.
Maybe they can make friends better than you, but they secretly anguish over money because they’ll never find a job that pays as well as yours. Or they have tried a half-dozen times to make pottery or draw pictures or write a book, but can’t make anything that doesn’t look like a 6 year old did it. Maybe they secretly yearn for the unconditional love they never got from their parents, so they have a kid and smother it to make it want to stay at home forever, and are utterly destroyed when the kid wants to move out ASAP at 18. Or they chase poorly-suited partners out of twisted self-loathing and a fear of being alone. Maybe they’re fat and complain that they can’t lose weight, but then binge on twinkies while crying at night in the kitchen. etc
Also, a lot of people who are poorly-equipped to deal with the general public just don’t go out all that much, so how could you ever hope to see an accurate cross-section of humanity out there? The population sample you’re seeing is strongly biased toward people who are employed, people who get up, eat lunch, and go home during normal business hours, and people who purchase pottery at street fairs. People who have crippling social phobias or agoraphobia might sit at home 6 or 7 days out of the week, watching tv or playing computer games or browsing forums. They might live on disability income, which doesn’t lend itself to pottery purchases. Or maybe they go out more often, but only after most of the city is asleep.
The point is, I have never met anyone who isn’t secretly a total fuckup in at least one major area of their life. Even my boss, who appears very well put-together and with-it and social and happy all the time on the surface, has a chronic inability to relax and be content–ever. If I met someone who claimed they had no secret neuroses, I would know I met a liar.
I hope this doesn’t sound condescending, but it seems like you have a lot of great things going for your life, a job and talents that many other adults would really love to have. You’re attractive and thin and physically healthy. I mean, there are even people out there who wish every day that they didn’t have a sex drive. So you don’t understand or relate to other people… big deal. You’re really not doing badly, by my measure.
Monstro, just tell them thanks for the offer and let it go. What I hear in what you are saying is that they are interested in you and you feel bad because you really have no interest in them but feel that to belong you should accept this invitation.
You should learn to be selfish. Ask yourself what would I get out of this? An evening finding out about a couple of wiccans, having to entertain them with stories of marine biology? If this holds no interest for you, don’t do it. I have done many of the same things you have. I have been friends with people who are overly enthusiastic about being my friend and slowly realizing that they are the only ones getting something out of this relationship. I continued activities that no longer interested me simply because I didn’t want to be a quitter or I had been told this was the way to make friends. I would stress over this and not realize that lots of people start classes, activities, relationships on whim and end them on a whim and it doesn’t cause them gut wrenching stress so why should I invest so much emotional energy in stressing over this. I could stop and look around realizing that I didn’t like or connect with these people and stop forcing myself to do something I didn’t enjoy. I was forcing myself to endure a lot of stuff rather than find what I enjoy. Too worried about making the world happy and not making me happy.
I stressed out over the fact that everyone had tons of friends and acquaintances and shared all kinds of information about themselves and I thought that I should be just like that. Then I realized that I was forcing myself to be someone I am not and all I was getting from it was misery. My definition of a friend is very different from other people. I have two friends, these are people I can talk about everything and nothing with, who don’t ask me to tell them every little detail about my life, who make me laugh and make me think. I see one about once a week and the other I talk to about once a month. The rest are acquaintances. Just because a person tells me every detail of their life doesn’t mean I have to reciprocate. People I don’t connect with aren’t people I need to force myself to be around. I am (and you are) not here in this life simply to endure. We can find joy in what we want
I found comfort in talking to my sister, who I consider much more of a social person, as she described a cruise she took with a friend. They were taking the cruise to a destination wedding of other friends and she spent a lot of time trying to hide from this friend because the friend could not leave her side the whole time. Not simply having to be with her but in close physical proximity, no wandering through a shop and I look over here and you look over there, nope right by her side the whole time. And yes my sister was trying to figure out how to throw her overboard.
It’s about boundaries, not breaking them down but by defining yours. Maybe you want a friend who is cool about seeing you once in while, doesn’t need you to be a spectator to every little drama in their life, who connects with you on some interests but who couldn’t care less if you hatched from an alien pod. If they don’t fit YOUR criteria for a friend, decline politely and let it go. Don’t worry about what is “normal” or what is expected of you.
So to sum up a long winded explanation. If you don’t want to be friendly with these neighbours, don’t and don’t let it stress ya.
Monstro, it took me years to realize I liked people much more in theory than I do in actuality.
I have very few friends and I don’t spend all that much time hanging out with them.
Oddly, most of my friends are much more social than I.
For a long time, I thought that made me something of a freak.
Now I just accept the fact that I’m intrinsically a loner who would normally prefer to read a book than hang out in a group.
Once I realized I didn’t have to run for ‘Most Popular’ title or even 'Miss Congenial, I was much happier.
roxie monoxide, it feels good to just be understood for a change. Thanks for replying to this thread.
I was over at the “old” place today to get it ready for viewing (mopping floors = exhausting!) The neighbors caught me as I was putting some cleaning supplies into my car trunk–yelling my name all across the yard. They had a bag of goodies. Chips and home-made salsa.
“Come on over when you’re finished. If you don’t have the time we understand, of course.”
I accepted the food graciously, thanking them so much for their kindness. But I did not come over afterwards.
I’ve decided that this gals are great and they are probably not objectively pushy or overly friendly. Just that I see the potential there and I’m just not comfortable with the risk. And I’m okay with this.
As far as risks go, you do understand that there are no real risks, right? I mean nothing that will hurt you, or leave you worse off than when you started.
I understand that you hate company, and you’re worried that if you show any sign of willingness to move a relationship forward that you’ll have an even more difficult time of breaking off another failed relationship.
But you should understand that if you identify “feeling uncomfortable” as something that isn’t worth the risk, then you’re never going to make friends. That’s because you’re going to feel uncomfortable with every new person you meet. If you’re looking for someone that you can feel comfortable with from the start, you’ll never find that person.
I understand you have a schizoid personality disorder, and that means that you don’t care about social relationships like everyone else does. But it sounds like you’re not entirely sure if there isn’t some relationship out there that might be right for you. If you were sure, then I don’t think you would have started this thread wondering about whether you should visit your neighbors.
I think the problem with SPD is that even if you don’t like relationships, you still need things that you can only get from other people. You still find it fulfilling when someone validates your emotions (like roxie monoxide) and when another person compliments your writing (several posters here). You probably also wouldn’t mind if someone helped you out with a problem now and then.
Even though you need all these things, you still don’t enjoy simply being in the presence of other people. Most of what everyone does seems like a giant waste of time if you don’t enjoy other people’s company. That makes finding a balance between your needs and everyone else’s pretty difficult. What I’m imagining is that you’d like the Wiccans to pop by every week, say: “you’re a wonderful human being Monstro, don’t let anyone doubt you because we believe in you,” and then leave.
I think you’d agree that this isn’t feasible. If you’d like to have the benefits of human interaction, some more sacrifice is needed on your part. If you’re not willing to sacrifice your comfort, then you’ll never get what you want from human contact.
Well, duh. Not to be snarky, but that’s the whole deal. And I can’t imagine that everyone feels that uncomfortable when befriending someone…or else no one would have friends. People do click. I don’t think people lie when they say this about their experience with other people.
I’ve always had hope that I would grow up and break out, yes. But it’s always been the arrival of feelings that I’ve been waiting for…not a person. If that makes sense.
I started the thread to see if everyone goes through this angst. Like, if I were normal, would I take up their invite and have tea? Or is it actually normal to decline invitations from perfectly normal, non-scary individuals for no good reason? Turns out I got a lot of different opinions. There doesn’t appear to be one good answer.
Actually, being complimented is different from being helped. I don’t mind compliments, and compliments from people I don’t know (like other Dopers) ring much more sincere than compliments from people I do know. There’s no distrust or worry about ulterior motives, I guess. I’m not sure what that’s about.
Re help. That’s a very different thing. I hate receiving help or asking for it (except in the form of anonymous questions on the internet). I will pay people to do things for me (like move), but even then it’s always an act of desperation. Even gifts freak me out. A couple of years ago, my coworkers surprised me with a bunch of birthday presents and I had to leave work early because I was tormented with really negative emotions (I don’t even know what they were).
I almost flunked out of grad school because I refused to ask for help from professors on my committee. During my defense, one of the professors cussed me out because of it. It took them almost an hour for them to decide whether I should pass or not. The longest hour of my life. Whenever I find myself doing something really hard all by myself, I stop and think about that memory of me standing in the hall that morning, full of regrets.
You’re sure making me out to be some kind of attention-needy narcissist. Is it just because I’ve said “thank you” to people who have been kind to me in this thread? :shrug: I guess if that’s what you think I’m like, I can’t change your mind. But you couldn’t be farther from the truth. I wouldn’t want Wiccans or anyone else to pop in if that’s all there were going to do. 'Cuz that would be extremely freaky and I’d be seriously wondering what their angle was.
I’m content with the amount of human contact I have now, but I don’t think it is sustainable. I’m thinking about the move again. I’m relatively young and relatively agile. But I’m not very strong and mobility-wise, I’m not doing well. (Fell down the freakin’ stairs a gazillion times…it’s a wonder I didn’t break a leg). The impetus behind the move was to get into smaller digs, one without stairs. Because one day, after taking a bad fall, I started thinking about what would happen to me if I did hurt myself really bad. I would have to depend on someone for an extended period of time. The only person I wouldn’t feel bad about asking for help would be my sister, and I know she would help me without wasting a beat. But still, my life could be completely up-turned just because I have no human resources. That is kind of a pathetic.
If whatever-is-screwing-up-my-movements continues to get worse, I don’t know what I will do. So I guess you can say I have a motive beyond “general self-improvement” to do better with keeping and maintaining relationships.
But is it a surprise to hear? You say you’re uncomfortable hanging out with people and then you say you think you should have friends. Isn’t it kind of obvious that you either sacrifice having friends or being totally comfortable?
A lot of people feel very uncomfortable when they meet new people. They can only click with people after they power through the initial discomfort.
Where do you think your feelings come from? They do not come from the people you meet, they come from inside your head. That’s why they won’t change regardless of who you meet. The person doesn’t matter because you will always react the same way to meeting new people. You’ll become uncomfortable, and then your brain will look for ways to rationalize this discomfort.
If this doesn’t sound too rational, that’s because it isn’t. It’s called a schizoid personality disorder (or social anxiety disorder) because your emotions aren’t responding correctly to what you experience. If they were then it wouldn’t be a disorder.
If you have an anxiety disorder, then you can change your emotions by confronting your social fears. You would basically power through the fear of being in a social setting, and it would gradually reduce.
The reason I brought up social anxiety disorder is because I think fear is the obvious choice for the emotion that’s driving your discomfort. If it’s not fear that’s causing your discomfort, then what else could it be?
A lot of people do go through this angst, but the difference between most people and you is that most people work through their initial discomfort.
I don’t think a compliment once a week is narcissistic. I was trying to come up with a scenario where you would get some basic emotional validation once a week without having to socialize with anyone.
Now it appears that you really don’t want emotional validation, which is fine. My mistake.
Is that the only thing you want from a friendship? A pragmatic arrangement where someone will be there to take care of you when you’re older?
I assumed you wanted more, which is again my fault.
I’ll have to repeat what Freudian Slit said above. You’re not going to find someone who makes you feel completely comfortable. That’s not how things work. You either have to sacrifice comfort or friends. You can’t have both.
Monstro, you are very welcome. You have posted various things that have rung true with me. These include your post about chatting with co-workers about what they do with their weekend, and the comments in this thread about being entertaining and social but getting flak because you don’t feel the need to tell stories about yourself.
I find a lot of the response in this thread seem to be suck it up and be uncomfortable in trying to make friends, that is the cut and dried solution so get over it. I disagree. You are within your right to find the person making the advances to be awkward, or overly pushy and not decide that it is your response that is wrong.
When small children learn to play, there are various stages. Imagine two kids in a sand box, each oblivious of the other, filling their pails. As they grow older this is replaced by them sitting side by side working on the same task, then maybe sharing the shovel or pail back and forth but still not actually engaged with each other. Later it becomes collaborative, you fill the pail, I pat it down, we dump it out and have a sand castle. And then there is the part where one or both will direct the play; you are the digger and I am the dump truck and we will place it over there. Maybe what you need is a gentler approach to making friends. Find a person who is interested in checking out a street fair and comfortable with wandering off and checking out what is interesting them and comes back to share this, end the day stopping for coffee and talking about what you have seen. It’s not instant forced connection, not the “OMG we are bestest friends lets spend all day together and braid each others hair” then step back and see if it was enjoyable.
Trust how you read people, if you find their advances overwhelming chances are you are not going to get past that. Sometime the force of their personality can be too much. I care! I want to know about you! Gee they seem so nice how can I find fault them. You can, because if they did care they would respect that you don’t dive into friend ship and if they did care they would respect your boundaries. You get to decide on the quality of the friendship. If you have no desire to wade through endless talk about shopping and celebrity gossip because you occasionally click with this person on a shared interest, you don’t have to.
And in regards to your worries about needing help if your mobility decreases, I think you would be surprised how many people would help you if asked. You are probably seen as independent and capable, and because they don’t know the extent of the need you can ask very specifically for the assistance you need. Seen from their point of view, it might be that they are thrilled to help because Monstro never asks for help. So you can say I just need help moving a few things because my balance is off, so back off Florence Nightingale, no forced sponge baths!
The tone wasn’t obvious, but I wasn’t surprised or being serious with that comment.
I guess I don’t like someone (Lakai) who has problems with people too preaching to me what I already know and what is patently obvious to anyone who has two brain cells to rub together.
I described the dilemma earlier. The dilemma isn’t “How do I make friends without being uncomfortable?!!” The dilemma is “Should I continue doing uncomfortable things in an attempt to make friends with people just for the sake of it?”
I already understand that I have to force myself to make friends and overcome emotional hurdles and experience discomfort. So having people lecturing to me–like I haven’t spent my life learning this lesson over and over again–is quite frustrating.
Then it just comes down to how worth it is to you to have friends. Is it just something you want because you think you should want it? Is it because you want to feel normal? Is it because you want a social network in case something bad happens to you and you need people to depend on? And will the effort of making friends create more stress than it solves? For a lot of people, venting to friends about stressful or annoying situations can be a good way to blow off steam but it doesn’t sound like that’s something that really applies to you. So you may not be getting the same things as friendship as most other people.
Again, not to be snarkalicious, but I don’t need you to break down my personality disorder to me. I think I’m fairly aware of what it’s all about and why I do the things I do. I’m not saying my thought processes are rational or that my feelings are normal. And I’ve never blamed other people for my state. I’m not seeking validation or someone to say I’m not strange. I know that I’m abnormal.
Because I’m not shy, for one? I can talk to just about anyone as long as I know they don’t want to latch on to me. Even when I’m ticcing and grimacing and walking crazily, I don’t feel that self-conscious or apologetic (though I used to). I’m constantly doing crazy-ass adventurous things that put my life in danger. I have never had a panic attack or been wracked with ruminations. When I was in school and busting my ass to do well, I was anxious–moreso than normal. But it had nothing to do with other people, but my fear of failure.
I’ve been around this mulberry bush before with you. My doctor has already ruled out social anxiety. There was a time when I thought I could have an anxiety disorder, just because I didn’t know what else could be wrong with me (and anxiety disorders run in my family). But I have learned some things about myself as I have gotten older. I have doubts about the other labels that have been applied to me. But never the schizoid one.
Schizoids do feel anxious. But it is not the same type of anxiety that avoidants feel. I have no problem with being in the presence of people as long as I know I can say good-bye to them. When I sense that this isn’t the case, THAT is when I feel anxious. But just because a person experiences anxiety does not mean they have an anxiety disorder. I could take all the Xanax in the world and it would not make me more likely to befriend someone. (And I have been on something stronger than Xanax for two years, so I should know).
I disagree. People may feel uncomfortable, but I don’t think they feel the kind of self-loathing hatred and alienation that I experience when someone reaches out to me. But we can do a poll and see which one of us is right. I have a feeling most people will not say, “Oh yes! When someone invites me over for tea, I have intense suicidal thoughts too!” But I admit I might be wrong.
Well, I guess I do seek some type of validation because I go to therapy. And my therapist does validate, in addition to correcting and advising. But the way you phrased it, with the Wiccans just bopping in to pat me on the head and giving me the thumbs up? If my therapist pulled that with me, I would have quit her a long time ago.
Actually roxie’s example of friendship makes me think of something. If I were to have a friend, I would want someone who I did not have to talk to. At all. And they would not talk to me. We would play in the sandbox doing our own things, simply existing together. Parallel play. That is the only kind of friendship I can really imagine because it lacks the stress and complexity of shared emotions. (No, I don’t need anyone to point out how infantile this is.)
I don’t want to be helped. I don’t mind being the helper (which is why I was that woman’s “friend” for so long), but the reverse isn’t something I want at all. But I recognize that one day I will have to BE helped. Maybe not any time soon, but one day. Knowing this reality, I know that I need to get on board with accepting help if I plan on living. Friendship isn’t the thing I’m working towards. Just allowing someone to come into my world and see me naked (literally and metaphorically).
So I’m doing some little and not so little things with myself so that I will be ready when the time comes to surrender and stop doing everything alone. I’m guessing friendship would be the most ideal vehicle, but it’s not essential.
