What do I do?

I talked to my boyfriend (of two months and some odd days) and he told me that he needed space. He says he still loves me, but if he gets too much of a good thing, he will end up hating it. I have come to the conclusion that I want to spend a large portion of my life with this guy, and I think (I almost know) he felt the same. But lately we have been fighting. Just about stupid stuff…My question is…When you love a person, you want to be around them a lot right? I don’t want to mess things up with this guy, he is way too important to me. How do I give him space? Please help!!

Do you have any self-confidence in yourself? If so just sit back and wait. He needs to want you too!!! If he doesnt call you back just find another because he didnt care!!!

This should really be in MPSIMS.

Vada dear,

I somehow suspect that you’re about a quarter century younger than I am. That doesn’t mean that I know a lot more or anything like that. It does, however, mean that I’ve a different perspective on time. From the brief snippet of your relationship troubles that you’ve offered us, I’d say the best answer is…nothing!

Perhaps the guy is not really interested in maturing the relationship. Perhaps he’s got something else going on. Perhaps it’s just not gelling as quickly for him as for you. Two months really isn’t very much time.

Anyway, if the attraction is mutual and it’s going to ultimately work, the relationship can survive a little loosening of the daily schedule. You might crank up some alternate interests of your own while boyfriend enjoys his space. I don’t necessarily mean cultivating relationships w/other men; more like devote some time that would’ve been spent on boyfriend to looking into something you’ve been mildly curious about but have never had the time to pursue. Read a book lately (If so, one that’s not about relationships?)? Checked out the museums in your city?

One way or another, you probably need to be able to let it go for the moment. I’m not saying blow it off; just quit thinking about what he might be up to at the moment and concentrate on your own personal development. You can devote quite a bit of energy to stage managing a relationship that will have occasional bright moments, but it will likely last less than a year and have far too much drama involved, on your side at least.

Hope this helps.

(beatle! You don’t do this relationship stuff. Now get back in character!)

{{{{{Vada}}}}} Ah sweetie, I’m sorry. I wish I could give you some easy and magical answer that would make it all work out. I think that there’s a rather trite saying from the 70s that actually is true: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever, if not, it never was.

There’s no consolation, I know, but do take comfort in the fact that you CAN live without him. Yes I know, you’d rather not. But you can. There’s a great deal of peace, and freedom, that comes with that understanding.

Good luck, sweetie, and all positive thoughts/energy/prayers your way.


Its an unpleasant situation to be confronted with Vada; it may sound really aweful to say this, and it can perhaps be better expressed in other ways, but when it comes down to it I have leant the hard way that “treat them mean, keep them keen” is the truth. This doesn’t mean playing games or anything like that, but I know from personal experience that men value much more highly the things they can’t have for the asking, sad but true. So take a little time for yourself, show him that you are your own woman and even though you’d like to be with him, you can be without him too. Hopefully it will help him make up his mind and he’ll realise that you are worth having. If not, then isn’t it better you find out now rather than a ways down the road? Good luck.

In general, “I need space” translates to either “I want to see other people” or “I’m already seeing someone else.”

He might be doing you a favor. I’d give the guy a parsec or two.
That being said, it’s off to MPSIMS.

GQ Mod