What’s interesting to me in all of this discussion is the amount of reflection I’ve needed to do with respect to how I view the “guy”.
As a comely lass I was hit on, propositioned, and otherwise pursued on a regular basis. I think I could come up with at least two times in my adult life that I was raped under the current thinking - dates that culminated in a guy having his way, even though I’d not wanted to have sex.
This whole event has “uncorked the bottle” of my own memories and subsequent belief systems. I was abused by a couple of men before the age of 14 - one was a close family member. The way I dealt with the horrors of those times was by slipping into survivor mode and sealing the memories away. Women did not typically speak out about abuse in those days and I was no different.
I suppose when one has gone through such things, all things related to a similar event become measured against one’s own circumstances. As in, “well, it’s not as bad as what happened to me”.
Sorry to hear that, Heckity. If a guy had sex with you when you told him no, that is definitely rape in my book, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I think your attitude is common, though–a lot of people don’t call what happened to them rape especially if it’s someone they knew well or liked prior to the rape.
I was in a fraternity and was the social chair. Some chick came by my dorm saying she was from so and so sorority and wanted to plan a mixer, I said okay and let her in. The creepy meter started pinging away and when my roommate came home, I left her there with him with a nod that said “hey this chick is nukin’ futs”. He got the jist.
Late that night my dorm’s door was kicked down and I was forcibly dragged out of bed, thrown to the ground, and arrested for attempting to rape the chick. I didn’t even know what happened until I was sitting in the police station in the room and told my story. The police started getting the drift of what was going on, especially when I kept telling them that I understood why they had to error on the side of caution, but they really needed to know that she is nuts.
Come to find out after the whole deal went down ( I got out of there at 7:00 AM and was instructed not to leave town ) she was suspended from so and so sorority because she was mentally unstable. Then the university police got involved and stated a professor had reported her having inappropriate conversations of a sexual nature towards him. I finally got it worked out but when it is a guy’s word against a woman, the guy tends to get the short end of the stick.
To this day, I don’t know how the situation could have been handled differently, but if you are innocent and get nailed with an accusation of rape, you are screwed from the get go unless you can REALLY prove who is lying.
Word around the campfire was she was committed to a mental hospital. Now if this woman had a boyfriend that showed up to kick my ass over a non-existant rape, I would have a problem with that and I am afraid charges would be pressed.
lissener, I think that msmith537 is playing devil’s advocate in respect to being the mom of the boyfriend, in which case the safety of the son is more important than the son’s girlfriend.
I know that sounds cold and unsympathetic to the victim, but this kind of shit happens. No one is saying that most victims of rape are just faking it for whatever reason, but for doing the devil’s advocate thing, its a certainly valid point.
Some people go nuts at college.
/hijack
Also, maybe the son could also help by starting to attend her college. Or she could start going to his school. If I was a victim of a horribly violent crime, I would certainly associate the town/university with said crime and would want to get out of there to help get over it. Would that be an option, Heckity?
I appreciate your comments Translucent Daydream. What you described was one of my concerns - not that the g.f. was making it up - but just that it seemed to not be a full story even early on. It could have ruined many lives had it played out as I first feared it might.
My son wants his g.f. to transfer to his university (University of Toronto) but she’s at a university that fast-tracks her in her studies to become a teacher. I expect along with their usual daily correspondences, he’ll be spending a lot more time riding the bus to her city this year.